In november, my sister had a baby boy to
term still born. I guess he got tangled
in the umbilical cord 3 days before
delivery, the doctors had no idea he was
going to be dead when he came out. It was
really hard for my sister, especially
seeing as it was her first baby and she's
37 now. I don't know what to do to make
her feel better, or if I should avoid the
subject all together, seeing as i'm only
22 and i've never experienced pregnancy
let alone a miscarriage or what she went
through. I don't know what do to. I
expressed my initial condolences and let
her vent her emotions to me. But I don't
know how to act now that months have gone
by.
It doesn't help that there was a huge hype
built up for her baby seeing as he was
going to be the first nephew, the rest of
the family is all girls. It took her
about 8mos or so to get pregnant with him,
and now i'm afraid she won't be able to
concieve again.
Do my concerns make any sense?
|
lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-06-06 19:30pm
You have every right to be concerned. I
don't know how i'd be in the situation
your in either. Sorry i'm not much help.
Just be there for your sister when she
needs you.
|
christa84
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2006 Posts: 61 Location: FL
Posted: 04-06-06 20:03pm
Oops I guess I wasn't logged in when I
posted that.
Yeah, it's hard to be there for her when I
live in fl and she's in upstate ny. It
just feels awkward on the phone, since
it's one of those things where you really
don't know what to say.
|
jkerns81
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 May 2006 Posts: 1 Location: arizona
Posted: 05-07-06 23:13pm
I am 24 and 3 yrs ago I had a stillborn
( found out on my exact due date as well).
So, I have a few suggestions for you.
One thing you could do is be a good
listener (goes without saying ) , never
make comments like " it happened for a
reason" "you can always have another one"
. That just made me feel bad, like
there was a silver lining to what
happened. Maybe when you visit her at
some point you could see pics of the baby
(if she had any taken ) . Even though
that might be very hard for you to look
at. I had pics of my baby boy and they
brought me to tears of course , and his
appearance was difficult to look at, but
I still liked it when family and friends
wanted to see the pics. It made me feel
like even though he had passed over he
wasn't gone. And he was still important
to the family. Another thing I did was
attend a support group at the hospital,
maybe suggest that to her. Maybe give
her a book on grief and stillbirth.
That helped me a little. Send her
"thinking of you" cards since your far
away. On the anniversary, send a card.
( I wish my family did this) on special
holidays , like christmas you could send
an engraved ornament or make one with the
babies name on it. Every year to come ,
she'll be thinking of her little baby,
so it would be nice if you remembered him
too on special days. I know she would
really appreciate that. If she got the
baby cremated(we did) I got a special
heart necklace ordered from the mortuary ,
where they enclose some of the ashes
inside the heart. I never take off mine.
Eventually I went on zoloft for about a
yr. Which helped me tremendously.
Really though , there is nothing anyone
can do to take her grief away. I still
think about my baby every day, even though
I had another baby and I have a supportive
family. It still was the worst
experience of my life. Luckily , for me
time did heal somewhat. So hopefully
things will get better for your sister
too. I know I rattled off a lot there,
but I sort of wish my family would have
got a message like this.
