Just found the schizophrenia section,
posted this in general by mistake.
I'm 19 years old and have had paranoid
schizophrenia as long as I can
remember(self diagnosed).
I have wanted to get treatment for about 4
years now, but I can't get myself to say
anything to my mom(who has been depressed
for a long time).
One side of me wants to get treated and
taken care of.
One side of me is mocking me with this
macho bs.
One side of me knows how embarrased and
ridiculed i'm gonna feel after having said
it.
One side of me wants to be diagnosed so
that I cant have those papers as a proof
that i'm dangerous and people should stay
away from me.
I'm currently going trough a bad period
with frequent symptoms and I wanna get
help, but I know that i'm gonna feel so
disgusted with myself when I get into a
little better period.
I don't know how my mom will response
either, I have told her about my sleeping
disorders but she just dismissed that and
blamed it on something else.
How am I ever gonna be able to get help
when i'm so split and the strongest side
is the self loathing and really
passive-agressive side of me that always
tells me that my illness is not that
severe and I shouldn't be whining, there
are people out there that are much worse
of.
But I know i'm pretty ill deep down, I
never leave the house if I dont have to, I
can't stand to look at girls anymore(i
feel they would be disgusted with me
looking at them), constantly thinking i'm
gonna get killed or beat up. Whenever a
car speeds up somewhere i'm immediatly
thinking they're gonna come after me.
When the phone or door rings I panic
etc.
I feel horrible and weak for writing this.
I think someone is spying at my computer
aswell.
So my question would be: how do I go about
telling this to someone? Any "tricks" you
can use?
Btw. Anyone out there like me, who have
never felt loneliness or jealous, those
two feelings seems to have disappeared
somewhere along the way, I remember being
extremely jealous of my brother when I was
like 6 or something and since then I have
never again been jealous about anything.
The worst part about it is the shame that
I know i'm gonna feel and i'm feeling
right now.
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 04-05-06 21:14pm
Nobody's spying on you....In this day and
age we're lucky if anyone gives a darn
about us...Never mind going through the
trouble of watching us.
So sorry about your mom, she's probably
too depressed to be much of a support in
your time of need. But there are things
you can do for yourself...Make an
appointment with your family doc. Just
schedule a 1/2 hr cause you want to
discuss something with him(the
receptionist doesn't need to know your
business). Regular gps don't know much
about schizophrenia but you have to go
through them to get a referral to a
specialist that does know. Hopefully this
will get you on the right path to help.
:)
|
dfafka3
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Apr 2006 Posts: 3
Posted: 04-06-06 01:22am
I've been trying to tell someone for the
last 3 days now, whenever I approach
someone one side of me starts shaking and
I get panic attacks and find it hard to
breath and talk.
Then after a while when I have dropped my
intentions of telling anyone one side of
me feels really good and relieved, like it
has "won" or something, and it starts
telling me that i'm not really sick after
all, because I dont expirience alot of
symptoms when i'm sitting alone at the
computer.
Anyone think it would help to be drunk
when telling?
