[warning: this post contains entirely too much information about my bodily processes.]


i wasn't planning for children, and am a regular condom user - but I did overindulge during a february mardi gras party. This isn't a regular occurance, by any means, but it happened and I have reason to believe the gentleman I was seeing and I had sex. I don't remember it, though.




I found myself a week late for my period in the end of march (i start on the 20th, or thereabouts). Last monday (the 27th) I started light bleeding, with no clots and barely any blood. (however, I assumed I wasn't pregnant because of the blood.)

this lasted all week and until the middle of this monday morning. Yesterday and today, I have been bleeding a large amount - twice my usual flow - with large clumps every time I use the toilet. I have cramps more severe than i'm used to (but not by much, and not crippling. I still go and do like i'm used to, i'm just irritable.)

like I said at first, I didn't want children and have been actively trying to prevent them. And during the period between the night I might have concieved and now, I have consumed alcohol and smoked - not thinking that I might be pregnant, except for the week I was late for my period. The stress of being late, added to other factors, led me to leave the man I was seeing - who would have been the baby's father.

If I have miscarried, part of me thinks it might be for the best.




And part of me is just. . .Sad.

I'm 26. I've never been pregnant. I don't even know if I was pregnant. But I do know that part of me is sad that i'm not, even if I know with all my reason that I am not ready to be a mother and couldn't keep the baby if I were.

Does anyone have input?