I wasn't going to put this on the forum,
but i'm tortured so here goes.
My husband's sister (complete flakesville
didn't even realize she was pregnant 'till
she was 3 months) has a 4and 1/2 month old
baby girl- jemma- who is just the sweetest
and most fabulous baby I have ever known.
We see her all the time, and i've minded
her lots and lots. We've got this
connection- right from the time she was
tiny. She's been at our house since
yesterday mid-morning, and last night,
flakesville (knowing I am pregnant) l;ays
this one on us. She wants to give jemma
to us. Outright. Says she can't cope.
Say's she's thought about it long and hard
for the past month, and spoken to
councellers. Does'nt want her to go into
care. Now, as crazy as this sounds, I am
sitting here with her on my lap, rubbing
my face on her warm fuzzy head, and I just
want her s.O bad. She feels like mine.
But how can I contemplate taking her with
two kids already, and the twins
comming????
She'll only be about 1 when the babies are
born.
I think i'm going to have to take her- I
could'nt bear to see her go into care- my
husband says he coul'nt stand it either.
Besides, I w.A.N.T her. I don't want to
give her up.
5 kids though.......
What would you do?
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8016 Location: Florida, United States
Thanks: 3
Thanked:1
Posted: 03-30-06 22:19pm
Oh god, I don't know what to say. I'm
pretty young so you might not take my
advice too seriously but it sounds like to
me that you love her just like she was
your own, and if you did have her you
could make it work. I know i've mentioned
this a lot but my cousin .Beth, had
triplets 3 years ago and she already had
one child, and I think if she can do it
with three the same age you can do it with
three around the same age.
You sound like you love her a lot, and I
have faith in you although I don't know
you much. I'm sorry you're in this
position, I hope you and your husband
figure things out. :)
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Ms Chief
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 68
Posted: 03-30-06 22:34pm
I do love her. And I should'nt really be
mean about her mother- I feel bad about
that now. It's not really her fault- she
does love jemma and she's taken good care
of jem, as much care as any mother would.
It's just, she can't maintain it any
more.
Her best is not great- this is the hardest
she's ever worked in her life, and she
can't keep it up, and she does'nt want
jemma to suffer for her inability to ...
There's got to be a better way to say
"stick with it", but I can't think of
anything right now..
To her credit she regognises her
shortcommings, and is taking action before
jemma can be affected. That's how much
she loves her I guess.
It's not her fault really- the whole
family is messed up, I don't know how my
husband turned out normal !!
We've only been in this situation for less
than 24 hours- and we've barely discussed
it- my husband went off to work this
morning so we have'nt had much chance yet.
But, I think we really might take her.
I would want to formally adopt her though,
so she's really ours. I will have to
check out the legallitys of that
though...
Lol- check out how i'm already thinking of
that stuff- I am s.Oo keeping this baby
!!!!!!
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8016 Location: Florida, United States
Thanks: 3
Thanked:1
Posted: 03-30-06 22:42pm
I can't stop crying and I don't know why
lol im such a freak.
I'm just happy that the baby has a good
place to go to and not into foster care,
you must be a really strong woman. Wow.
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 7892 Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
Posted: 03-31-06 09:31am
So she hsa jemma and she's preggy again??
If she is..What is she going to do with
this new baby??
I would say keep her, only because I know
I couldn't bear to see her go away to
someone else that I didn't know....
It's going to be hard if you do keep her,
but ya know what...It's possible. What
does your hubby say about the matter??
Grr....I don't know what I would do!!!
It's like you're gonna be running around
like a chicken with your head cut off with
all of these babies...But i'm sure it'll
be soooooo worth it in the long run!!
Sarah
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every_ready?
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 28
What's Another One... Posted: 03-31-06 09:51am
That is a really hard situation.
If you do decided to take her, you
wouldn't be the first people to have 5
kids. Many families do it. And it turns
out great. I am sure the older kids, and
your husband will help out.
Just another thing to think about it
though, if you do take her, and 2-3 years
down the road, the mom of jenna comes back
and says " I want jenna back" how are you
going to deal with that (just something to
think about). Maybe actually adopting
her would be a good idea.
Good luck to you and keep us posted
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 03-31-06 11:01am
I would take her if I had the opertunity
not to see her go to strangers. You and
her already have a bond and you need to
keep that. You know that if she stays in
your home that nothing bad is going to
happen to her. But if she is adopted by
bad parents or bad foster care...And you
find out that something bad is happening
to her how would you feel. I dont' know
how i'd feel.
But I would adopt her so that she couldn't
come back and take her away from you for
anyreason. If you just get gardianship
(not sure what country or state you live
in but in florida you can take the baby
back at any time with just gardianship.
It's like your just babysitting while
providing for this baby and then when she
gets her stuff taken care of she could
take her away from you. Have her
relenquish (sp) her rights to her so that
she can be your baby. (my neice gave her
baby to her mom and dad and that is why I
know about this.) make it legal.
Genipher
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QueenBee2_3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006 Posts: 194 Location: CT U.S.
Posted: 03-31-06 11:25am
I would keep her and her sibling. I'd
hate to separate them, and if they go into
the system they probably would get
separated at some point. Also, if your
sil changes her mind after getting some
counselling and some help, it will be very
difficult for her to get custody back.
I do agree that you need to have her make
it legal. And see if she would give
financial support, same as if she were
divorcing and her spouse got custody.
There is always a way. Just please talk
to a lawyer before doing anything else.
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Twood
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Feb 2006 Posts: 22 Location: Midwest
Posted: 04-02-06 03:18am
Queenbee makes a good point, seek legal
counsel and take either legal guardianship
or adopt the baby. You sound like you
have a large heart and have a lot of love
to give, 5 can be a beautiful number and
at least she will have family to support
her as she grows. You sister in law
should probably seek counseling because it
is hard to give up a child even if you
know it is for the best interest of the
child. Good luck
