I wholeheartedly agree. This hasn't changed in three years, what makes you think it will in the future? There is nothing you can do that will fix him, your relationship, or how he treats you because you are not the cause of it. You are not responsible for him. It is not your job to sacrifice your happiness to be with him. That is not what a real and loving relationship is supposed to be.
As for a family, do you really want to expose children to this kind of abuse? Do you know what that does to kids? It makes them abusers, victims, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. At best, if they manage to escape all of that, they will have difficulties with self-esteem and personal relationships. You owe your future children better than this. Did you experience abuse in your home growing up? Please, please, please don't repeat that pattern.
You may love him very much, but you have to love yourself more. Honestly, what you've said scares me terribly. You said he cannot control himself and he goes into these complete rages. You have to believe, somewhere, even far back in your mind, that he is capable even killing you in his rage. Maybe he doesn't know that he is, but it happens all the time. It could even be accidental. He pushes you and you fall into the corner of the coffee table. What if your kids saw that? What if it was one of your children instead of you? Would you ever forgive yourself? It can happen so easily.
You wouldn't be writing this post if you didn't think this was a bad situation. You are stronger than this. You don't need him to make you complete. The person that he is in his calm moments may be the most wonderful person in the world, but that's not all that he is. You need to find someone who is wonderful to you all the time. Someone you don't have to be afraid of. Someone who you feel safe with.
Please, end this relationship now--once and for all. Don't look back. "What might have been" is only pain and heartache.
