For weeks maybe even months now, I have been telling my boyfriend that I could use a lil more attention/affection. I try to give all that can so that he can feel how much I care for him. I am a firm believer that you can't just say how you feel, you gotta show it too.
I just didn't seem to be getting any feed back on this. He isn't a dead rock when we are together or anything like that, but sometimes it feels more like a friendship than anything else. I don't ask for much and we both have things pretty financially tight so we do things that are free. We cook dinner rather than go out to dinner. I love him so much that I don't mind and also felt it helped us connect and be closer and bond.
So last night I tell him that when I come over after a few days of not seeing me, I wish he would be more enthusiastic about it. Kiss me first, don't make me ask for a kiss because I feel stupid asking for affection. I feel he shoud want to kiss me of his own free will and not have to be told.
I told him it would be nice if he would hold me, hug me, just be more tender with me instead of me feeling like just one of the guys or something. I told him that I would like to have sex more than once a month. The kids aren't an excuse because there have been plenty of nights the kids were gone to sleepovers and still no nookie for me.
He tried for an hour to name every excuse in the world and not take responsibility.
I should also mention that he was divorced two years ago because of this very issue. He admitts that he didn't give her what she needed emotionally. He never told her she looked nice, never kissed and hugged alot and told her he loved her everyday. She stayed for 15 years this way, but finally found another. She married that man who was nothing much to look at (her ex hubby and my current boyfriend is a fox) but gave her what she needed emotionally so guess what? She married him!
After about an hour of dodging the issue, he finally said that my needs were valid and he wants me to have those things, he just isn't sure how to go about giving them to me. :(
he says that he hears what I am saying and it isn't unreasonable, he just must be a messed up individual and perhaps not capable of giving those things to a woman.
My question: is it possible that some people just aren't capable of emotional bonding with thier lover or is this just an excuse?
I was thinking maybe it was just me but he says that it isn't, and his past relationships failed because of the same thing.
So basically it seems that he loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it. I frankly, have never heard of such a thing. I think when you fall in love with someone then you want to do all those things, it's not something you have to think about, you just do it. We have been together 6 months and that area of our relationship looks horrible.
Have any of you ever been where I am now?
Any advice?
I would like to offer advice for men though. Guys, if you love your lady, let her know. The little things are what mean the most. It doesn't take much to set a woman on cloud 9. If you aren't doing these things, it puts the relationship in limbo and everything is at risk. Relationships take equal effort folks! This same thing goes for women too. Success in anything takes hard work and let's face it, love is hard. That's why we need the kisses and hugs and affection to help us through and make the trouble of love worth it.
