I wrote this bit of writing based on the
song I always listened to when I was
depressed it is not the lyrics to the song
but instead I used the idea of cold water
to show my feelings. When I was heavily
depressed in a childs mental hospital
called colwood (not as bad as it sounds) I
was feeling suicidal and was the lowest
ive ever been. This sums up my feelings
at the time and I just wanted to put it on
the site see what you think:
"cold water surrounds me now and all I
have is your hand"
cold water, damien rice, o
the hands that once were there just a week
ago are now fatigued + uninterested
distressed me- colwood, the last chance:
the last stop on a journey
home to mentally ill kids together
clambering on one anothers shoulders
forcing others under downwards for their
own needs
a holocaust recreation; gasping for air:
dying to live, living to die
everyone for themselves
me- saturated in a pool of bitter cold
moods- temperature steadily declining
slowly my body feels numb; unable to show
any feeling: am I dead already?
Hands surround me- those I will not grab
for
or those to far to reach; unwilling to
risk their sanity for mine
my body weighed downwards- full of heavy
thoughts.
Tired and distressed unable to struggle
onwards, fighting a war of attrition with
myself
i reach into forbidden places try to cope
with it all.
Slowing down an inevitable outcome - keeps
me above water
slowly they delapidate and fall away no
longer within reach or present
the hands I do not trust to grab are
there: i'd rather fall below
out of the pool it is impossible to remain
out, I slippery slope surrounds my sanity
school forces me back I regress back into
the pool of depression
potential- an optical illusion, visible
but no reason to stay; totally needless in
death
future- a glimmer of light below the water
distorted by my depressed eyes and no
longer there
pointlessness- a dark cloud overhead
shadowing me with gloom
thundering down on my already fragile mind
reducing the struggle
below water I would be safe and unburdened
but you do not return
i must swim down to sanctuary
