Im not in my twenty's . But I think we can relate! I am a teenage female that had gone through some dramatic times! I know exactly what you mean and how you feel, but your not alone! A councelor would probably help you alot! Your not crazy your just misunerstud! Don;t think of the way you think as a flaw,but as a gift! It makes you unique, it makes you, simply you! And as for not sleeping well thats part of the depression! Etaing well, honestly , who really does! Drinking and smokeing - are you way of saying you want out! Escapeing to what you want things to be, its a time when you can love yourself for who you are! But in all reality you are an original, a masterpiece covered in the finger prints of god! I believe people through out their life times mold themselves into being who they truly widh to be , and your just still in the process of molding who you are, along with the rest of us! Don't hate yourself for your inperfections love yourself for them! But I would look into the councelor,
and most of all pray, when there is nothing left!

Thank you for your kind words nichole. Nobody has ever told me to look at my condition as unique, but that certanily does put a positive spin on things. Counselors, therapists, they just dont seem to help, ive been there, ive certainly talked up a storm with some of them, I have no problem talking about how my depression affects me, its just that I think I have to accept that somethings are never going to change. I just cant seem to control my behavior, I run with my ideas even when I know its not the best decision. Sometimes I think I must actually like being depressed since I never follow through with steps to improvement. I know I suffer from dysthymia, but there have been plenty of dramtic episodes in my life where I have fallen into major depression. My last major depressive episode was in and around sep/oct., the gentelmen whom I thought I was spending the rest of my life with completely dissapointed me and in stead of moving on, here I am 6months later still thinking about him oh and did I mention his brother and I are now the best of friends. This to me is living in a bad situation, not allowing myself to feel better. But as much as I know this, I continue to do it, I continue to see his brother just sbout everyday. What is that, to me it is not very normal especially since I can admit its not healthy for me. But I dont change

I know this isn't the best advice I have ever given anyone ,but you gettinga long with your x's brother isn't a bad thing in my eyes! People even if they are siblings , are still unique, and diffrent people! Just because you can find a friend in someone that happens to be related to your x means nothing!
And running with your thoughts , even knowing they are not the best of choices has two sides! Positive- doing that makes you spontanious and fun ,outgoing,adventurous! You can be remembered as the girl who would try anything once, or has a good time with her life, instead of wasteing it away on the couch or in an office 24/7never knowing what kind of diffrent things are out there! Negative- if you were reffering to drugs or something that would be in the same catigory as that maybe it's a bad decision! When i'm heading in the same path , I look back on the mistakes I have made, and how they have effected the ones I love, and then I sit there and wish that there was some way I can take it back, any way it could be erased! But the sad thing about that is , is that there isn't anyway to erase those kinds of choices!
So try , and make the good ones the fist time!
One thing to try that deffinatly helped for me is I found something else to do , like instead of getting plastered, cutting myself, takeing to many pills, then passing out, I will read or mountain bike , or dance, swim, go for a walk! I know that doesn't sound to helpful , but try it at least a few times, you'll be suprised at what a diffrence it makes!
Another thing you can do , and this if going to sound even crazyer! Is tell some one that matters to you what your doing! Get them mad at you! How that helped with me was , I don't care if I hurt myself, buit I would die not to see any one I know or love hurt! So I told my best friend , and she knew already , but she didn't know all of it! And she cried , and cried, and cried! And the funny thing is I haven't done it since!
So I hope my novel up here helped at least a little!

I just received a grant to go to europe for a month on an art scholarship. It is incredibly prestigious and the greatest thing that has ever happened in my career. I spent two days there, couldn't stop crying, took far too much valium, and booked a flight home after three days. It is impossible to make right decisions when all you want to do is sleep where it's safe. I'm not sure how talking to other people with similar situations can make you feel better, just as thinking about people in worse situations can't make you feel any luckier. Nothing makes a difference. Medication doesn't help. Talking usually just makes you feel worse. I've decided the best way is to give up. Some people just can't be happy, and probably never will be. I am 24 and have been like this since 12. that's 12 years. There is nothing to say it's going to get better, so what is the point. Sorry.

Hey to the poster, i aitn saying too much but i will say, everything you said above im going through too, almost exactly except im nto female ^^.. Your not alone