I have always been the type of person that never looked for the most hansom man to be with. When I was young and in school.. I felt like I went through an ackward stage while growing up. And during that time all of the girls would treat me really bad.. and guys also.
Sure.. I did not have much going for me back then... but I knew that some where deep inside of me I was going to be different.
The people at school would snicker when I would have a boyfriend that they did not approve of... and try to compair me to him as if it was some sort of scocial climbing that we were participating in. They did not find him attractive... he was cute in his own way but a little nerdy.
When I graduated high school I was told that I was pretty.... but I still took it hard on myself and thought.."that person was just being nice when they said that". There would be times I could look in the mirror and see a pretty girl looking back at me... and then there would be other days when I would look at myself and think I was the ugliest person on the face of the earth and did not diserve to even be here.
I always wanted to be married with children.
I met my husband when I went out with a girlfriend at a club. Still that cute guy but still a little on the nerdy side. He has always told me that he things I am beautiful.. even when I don't look my best and feel my best. I use to tell him to be quiet and not talk to me that way but now I am trying to except it more from him... that is his way of telling me he loves me for who I am. Yes some days I may wake up and feel completely aweful about myself think I am not pretty enough to live this life... and other days I wake up and I think... "damn I am cute.." the point is... I have found love and cutting myself down not only hurts me.... but hurts my husbands feelings also... because he thinks of me as beautiful...even after 13 years of marriage.
I am trying daily to repair my thoughts about myself... when I see something I don't like about myself I try to find other things I like about myself and they are not always looks... because my beauty is more then skin deep.. I love and care for others and I dedicate myself to be a good person to all... even to thoughs that try to hurt me... I have been that way for 34 years and I will try to continue for the rest of my days on this earth... however long that may be..
Oh, Please remember this... High School is just a distant memory when you become an adult. Those people that make you feel bad today will not matter to you in the future... You make your life great.. it starts by trying to work on your inner self first.
My grandma once told me "True beauty is found on the inside."