Hello. I know I will be judged harshly, but i'm in a real bind and need some advice. I was hoping to find some people who have been in my situation and hear about their own personal outcome.
I have been married for 12 years and have 3 children. My husband and I got married because I became pregnant with our first child. We felt it was the 'right' thing to do. We have ended up resenting each other along the way, in spite of having 2 more children together. He has cheated on me and I have cheated on him. We have never had a true connection with one another and neither of us has made any real effort to strengthen our marriage. We have basically just 'settled', thinking we were doing right by our children. Over time, I had come to realize that we are not doing our children any favors by having them believe that the loveless marriage we are in, which lacks respect among other things, is 'normal'. I decided a few months ago that I didn't want my children thinking anymore it's the way marriage is supposed to be. After I discovered that my husband was checking out personals online, I told him we should get a divorce, or at least seperate. He did not take me seriously and actually denied doing such a thing, knowing full well that I knew he was. He's told me on several occasions he will move out, but he is still around to this day.
Anyway, i've met a man along the way, and for the first time in my life, i've experienced what 'real' love with a man is all about. We do not live close to one another, and he came to visit me a few weeks ago. I got pregnant by him. There are no doubts that he is the father, as my husband and I have not had sexual relations for some time now.
The father of this baby wants me to go thru with the pregnancy, but says he will understand if I don't, and I myself do not want abortion to even be an option. I am coflicted because of my existing children. Their dad is good to them. He is not a bad man. We just don't get along, and I strongly believe that we got married for the 'wrong' reason, even if it seemed the right thing to do at the time. I wonder how it would affect my kids when and if they found out. If it would devastate them and whether or not they would be able to handle it and not end up hating me. I worry about my husbands' reaction and whether or not he would be an adult about it and not try and 'hurt' me, to work with me for the sake of our children.
I was wondering if there is anyone out there who has gone thru something similiar, what your ultimate 'choice' was, and how it has all turned out for you. I would appreciate any advice as soon as possible, because if I do get an abortion, I want to get it done as soon as possible, knowing that I made the right decision. I am 5 weeks pregnant now.

Eliza