Dating Forum - Help! I'm the Girl And I'm the One Paying

Relationships > Dating Forum > Help! I'm the Girl And I'm the One Paying

Q: Help! I'm the Girl And I'm the One Paying

asked by: haliparot on March 22nd, 2006

Experienced User

Okay girls and guys...I'm almost 18 years...And my current bf is my second...On my first bf he sometimes pay for minor stuffs like bus fare but we share money when we date...Now on my second bf ...At first he offers to buy me stuffs but I feel anxious because i'm not used to making my bf pay for stuffs...Before there was a time when we had gone to lunch together...He said he doesn't have money I looked at him and he looked hungry so I offered to pay for both of us since it's just a small amount and I can't stand eating alone while he's just watching...But suddenly I think he got the idea that I would pay for him everytime...Freom then on, everytime we go for lunch even dates, even valentines! I'm the one paying...As a girl w/o work...It really bothers me...But the problem is he always doesn't have money and sometimes when he does he kinda expected that I will pay since it's like a routine...I wanted to tell him that I can't pay forever since i'm a girl and my money is limited...Plus! I need to save money to buy stuffs I like (like clothes, make up, etc.) and lately my mom discovered the receipts in my wallet and she got really mad at me...I wanted to tell my bf but I don't know how!! Please help!!!

Replies(15)

lynnsie

replied on March 22nd, 2006

New User

Re: Help! I'm the Girl And I'm the One Paying

Why do not you send him an email to explain it seriously? I think any man who really loves you will take care of your concerns, it is very odd to let girlfriend pay for lunch everytime, I think that is the way he does not show respect to you or does not treat you well as you are a girl.

Tell him, if he does not agree, move on and you deserve a better parter.

pinksalter

replied on March 22nd, 2006

Experienced User

Call me old fashioned but there is no way a girl should be paying for everything, period! I`ts ok when your in a relationship and you buy the odd thing but it should be some give and take. I think the guy has no shame to expect you to pay all the time. I would maybe broach the subject by maybe spending more time at places where you don`t have to pay. Mention the fact that you have no money so you will have to hang out places which don`t cost anything, he might suggest to pay himself if not I would really think about your future with him, you can`t pay forever!

Lauttie

replied on March 25th, 2006

New User

I think that the boy should always pay or then he pays his
and you pay yours. Just tell him u don't have money on you. Then if he keeps on like that, tell him what's your problem.

Eternal

replied on March 25th, 2006

New User

It is somewhat unjust that you should pay - only as a general reason, not because you are a girl. Why should a girl pay any less? Is it unfair if he paid for everything all the time? Of course it would be, but nobody would care. Of course, it is more frequent that the man will offer to pay, and so the man will tend to pay more often, but I don't see why it is such a shocking idea that a woman could be courteous enough to pay sometimes as well. You should talk about it, simply for the reason that he isn't paying and that your money is limited, not because you are a girl and having to pay.

Spirit

replied on March 26th, 2006

Experienced User

You didn't mention whether your bf or yourself had jobs, so i'll assume you do not. This would probably figure in my final answer...That is, if one is making some dough than they'd probably foot the bill.
I don't see any problem with a woman paying(older and wiser)....I enjoy doing it for someone I love, although he hardly ever lets me do it.

I think doubts are starting to pile up, eh? Is he using you?Is it always going to be like this?Am I buying "love" or friendship?

Since your both so young, i'd stop, cause as you said you have set the "routine"......Why should he change? :)

miller2190

replied on April 11th, 2006

Experienced User

Im the cheapest guy youll ever meet, and I always pay. Does he have a job?

toocrunkfaya05

replied on April 12th, 2006

Experienced User

I think u should just tell him in person if u dont tell him then eh will never know an dhe will always expect u to pay for everything. I would tellhim in person so that he can see how serious u were but if u cant tell him by email or a letter good luck.

p0lkad0t

replied on April 27th, 2006

New User

It gets me furious when my bf thinks im gonna be paying for everything..When he first started going out he would pay for stuff and actually be patient with me and small things like that and now he says he doesnt have to cuz were going out for over a year and I know the real him. It angers me off and I dont know how to get him to pay sometimes..He pays for his gas..And he thinks its an argument

lilpinoy52

replied on February 12th, 2007

New User

Ok for starters in any relationship...Id probably be like the guy because im seriously broke. But, i'm on your side because there is no way that you can be the one paying for stuff. Especially on valentines day!! Well what you do is ask why he never has money. If he gives some lame excuse the next time you all are just goin around and he gets hungry be like, "well you should have gotten some money." if he says he has none then say "well then you should have borrowed from someone else because im tired of having to pay for you. Better yet get a job!" or ou could alwayz leave the last part out lol. If he goes whining to everyone else let him cause that will show how worthless/broke he really is. At the very least this guy should at least make it up to you. I mean geeze!!!. Im still shocked that you pay for valentines day. God this guy owes you a lot. What would he do without you ya know?

Makoto

replied on February 13th, 2007

Experienced User

It does not matter if what sex you are. Pay your own freaking way in the beggining. After a while, when you guys get close and can trust each other more, then offer to pay for things every now and then. The guy nor the girl should have to foot the bill for every thing, all the time.

There is one exception, if you invite some one out, then you should offer to pay for the expenses. You did the inviting in the first place. However, that works only for so long.

Personally, if I invited a girl out, and she did not offer to pay for anything, she does not get a second invite. Especially, if I do not get anything back in return, like not even a kiss good night. She does not get a call back.

I suggest you tell your bf to either start paying his way, and buy you a few things, to make up for the imbalance or you are going to find some one who is willing to try to be fair.

RedDelight

replied on February 20th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: Help! I'm the Girl And I'm the One Paying

Dayumm... 2 boyfriends? and not yet 18? I'm kidding!

Sharing is a wonderful thing.. and sometimes, you will just have to crush his pride, and pay when he is not looking Smile

Or in the john!

Dutch is nice too... I used to alternate with my last ex. He'd pay one date, and I'd pay next. back and forth. You need to check that boi right now- I'd say- well.. hope you gots the $$- cause I don't have nada. HIde it if you have to in your pockets. This dude needs a lesson..I'd do more than that...it's 20 oz sirlon steak time for you! There's one thing- being kind- then another- being taken advantage of for your kindness.

I would start this:
You "I can't go out tonight"
Him "Why? I want to go eat out with you."
You "That's just not going to work for me. I am short on $$."
Him "Whaa..?"
You "Unless you want to treat this time- I can't swing it this time."

If he says no..then..bye bye. That is very trashy of him...making you pay for everything! Not to mention selfish. You've treated him enough.. he should be able to alternate - at the very least- with you!

Dont let this pez walk over you! He needs to grow up and make some $$--this isn't a donation bank!

-=Red=-

RedDelight

replied on February 20th, 2007

Experienced User

Hottness

Makoto wrote:

I've missed you Smile

and believe it or not I agree with you!!
That guy should not be expected to do everything.. I hate when other woman "expect" that..where is their sense of pride?

So when are you taking me out lol? [jk] I want my 20 oz steak!

-=Red=-

Makoto

replied on February 20th, 2007

Experienced User

I respect any woman who can eat a 20oz steak. WHen are you free. lol

RedDelight

replied on February 20th, 2007

Experienced User

Makoto wrote:

I respect any woman who can eat a 20oz steak. WHen are you free. lol

Like now- medium rare please! lol How have you been?

-=Red Light Special=-

Makoto

replied on February 23rd, 2007

Experienced User

I have been good. Had some good steak recently. How are things with you?? You past problems with your BF. How is that going. If you dont want to say it is okay. You can PM me too if you want.

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