Medical Questions > Relationships > Dating Forum

Stay Or Go?

:? Hi, i'm 21 and i've been in a relationship with nick for 4 years now, we've lived together 2 out of the four years. Well now I feel that I dont want to be in a relationship anymore. He works away from home 2 weeks out of the month, i'm always alone, even when he is home from work. I believe he has taken me for granted and I dont get the attention that I used too. We dont go out and do fun things together. He spends his time off sleeping, watching tv, ect....Being lazy. The last time nick was at work, I went out with friends to a couple of bars, and met new people. I would like to experience more of this, but I cant with a boyfriend. I am confused on wheather this should call for a break up or not....He is 26 and I am 21, still young. And I feel as if I am already tied down at such a young age. But I would feel bad throwing 4 years down the drain. I'm just so confused!!
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replied March 22nd, 2006
Experienced User
Hi, I am kind of in your same situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and its getting boring. We hardly do fun things anymore and he doesnt show that he loves me as much as he used to, and I need that. I have decided I am going to school to better my life for 2 years and we will probably separate or take a break. If he wants me still, then he will have to try harder. If we get back together then it is meant to be. A break is a good idea because it will make him reevaluate our relationship and maybe he will figure out if he truly loves me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and if you love something, let it go-if it comes back it is meant to be yours. Those are very true sayings, and I know if I am away for a while, my boyfriend will see how good he had it, and I am sure yours will too. Theres a lot of other things you dont want to miss out on, and experimentation teaches you what exactly you want in a boyfriend. Set those standards for yourself, so you dont set yourself up for a letdown. I am going to make it very clear some things that I need to see change depending on how I feel at that point, and there will be some things that wont need to be said because time will make them realize it. I hope you make the best decision. If you dont take a break-have a talk with him and let you know how you feel, without starting an argument, and maybe he'll see things from your point of view.
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replied March 22nd, 2006
Thanks
Thanks for the advice. Theres alittle more to this problem that makes it hard for me to leave. I dont really have no where else to go. Nick has taken on the responsibilty to take care of me when he took me out of my parents house. But like yourself I am also going to college, I have 2 years left and I will be rn.I've decided that I need to start saving money for myself, incase I do decide that I need to get out of the relationship. I have no problem being by myself since I already am for 2 weeks out of the month, and usually want him to go back to work sooner than scheduled. I feel like I am such a bad gf, but I am not happy. He buys me as much clothes, shoes, ect...To keep me happy. But I just want the loving caring attention. All the money in the world isnt gonna make me happy.
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replied March 22nd, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Hi there! Have you talked to him about your wants, needs and desires? Some men are that way, not effectionate outgoing, go out, do your thing, just be careful and if you are not happy, you are the only one that can change it.
Good luck!
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replied March 22nd, 2006
Experienced User
Hi,

i have just got out of a relationship pretty similar to yours. My ex and I had been going out for two and a half years but during this time I became ill which opened my eyes to many things. He wasn`t the caring sensitive guy I thought he was. Even before I was ill things weren`t going so well. I worked all the time, I didn`t like him near me, was thinking about other guys and generally we sat in every night like two old people. I became ill and things came to a head, he had no sympathy and basically said I had psychological issues! I knew then it was time it ended, it dragged out a bit longer as I was kind of scared being on my own but then one day I thought I want better for myself.

We fell out over something silly and that was it, finished! It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I`m 24 and still young enough to want to have some fun. I have been out more in the past couple of months than the whole time we were together. I have met a new guy whos made me realise my ex really treated me badly and I deserved more. Don`t ever make yourself unhappy by staying in a relationship that isn`t working.

Try to talk about your problems but I truly believe that deep down in your heart you know its over, its just hard to actually do it.

Good luck
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