You need to remain poisitive through this not only for your partner but for yourself as much. It is your partner's choice and your Dr., sounds like he/she is backing her as well. Everytime a negative comes in your mind try to think of a positive and if you feel that you might need some professional counseling maybe her doctor can help you out or a trained professional or just talking about it sometimes helps. I do not know what the reasoning is but it is truly none of my business. One thing I will tell you is that I am pro-choice for the choice of abortion, or continuing on with the pregnancy. Help is there, if you need it, ask for it. I am not here to judge.
Be there for her and it is not too late to back-out.
Good luck to both of you!

Is the father like that allowed to be present in the surgery room during an abortion?

First things first. Yes, the partner can be allowed inside over here (uk). Additionally, perhaps I haven't made the source of my anxiety clear; I do not have strong ethical objections to the procedure, and my rational thought has concluded that it it the best of solutions. In this case, any negative feeling I get will be probably connected to paternal insticts kicking in. Positive thinking does help, yes, but I need though to be prepared for the next time (if any of course) I will have an anxiety-related episode like yesterday (accompanied by feelings of helpnessness and a bunch of nihilistic thoughts). One piece of good news is that I have discovered that my partner's physical presence erases these instantly, so I can at least be a bit more positive about it than I was yesterday. For the record, the reasons for the abortion taking place are more or less common ones; my partner is a undergraduate student in university, and I am in the first year of a phd. The pregnancy was accidental (and unfortunate, if I might add, given the fact that we do use condoms. Apparently, one was faulty. After tests and discussions with my partner's doctor we opted for the surgical method of abortion as opposed to the drug-using one, for safety reasons. And this brings us more or less to where we are now...

oh yeah I wouldn't trust condoms one bit. Oh well I have never had an abortion so I can't give you support. I just can only imagine that experience must be one could never forget!

The good news, apollion, is that the prevailing research indicates that the majority of men and women who are dealing with this decision do not experience any long-lasting psychological stress related to the actual abortion. For the majority of couples, the stress stems from the unintended pregnancy and the abortion is further viewed as a successful resolution for the problem creating the stress.

Your current anxiety could be related to the fact that she is about to undergo a surgical procedure. Everyone experiences some anxiety when they are going to undergo (or when their loved one's are about to undergo) a surgical procedure. You and she are very lucky because you have a supportive medical staff at this time. My advice to lessen your anxiety before the procedure is to call the location where the procedure will be performed and ask them to walk you through it over the phone and to tell you what you will most likely see and hear. This may help you work through your anxiety at the unknown.

The fact that you both seem to be supporting one another is a good indication that you will weather the procedure well. Make sure that the medical staff thoroughly explains what is going to happen and what she will experience after the procedure is completed before they administer the anesthesia.

The majority of people do not experience long lasting stress following an abortion because the stressful event is not the abortion but the unplanned pregnancy. The people who are at risk to experience psychological distress are those who are experiencing it prior to the unintended pregnancy.

With my abortion, I had a very supportive husband (much like your partner has you) and the doctor and staff who performed the procedure fully explained everything and put us thoroughly at ease. After the abortion, the stress that we were living with because of the unintended pregnancy literally disappeared but we still talked about it. Talking about how we felt, what we wanted in the next year/5 years, and that we both knew that we had made the right choice for us obliterated any stress that was left. My abortion was a very positive experience and I would choose an abortion again in the future if we became pregnant unintentionally.

I think you'll both be fine. Continue to stand by one another and support each other and keep us posted.
Peace,
jenn

It is wonderful to hear that you are as supportive as you are and your feelings are natural.

I can tell you that the more you are there for her the faster she will heal.

To be completely honest, this is a traumatic experience and it will take a long time for the mental wounds to fully heal.

She could react in any number of ways afterwards but remember that no matter how traumatic it is to you, the male, she still has to deal with the rebalancing of hormones and social stigma and family members...

I am not saying you don't care as much as she does but it is a lot more physically and socially demanding for her.

She may come out without a single regret or she may freak out down the road or resent you since you are the man and it is easy to blame the provider of the sperm...

Just be soothing and "cope" with the emotional roller coaster until it finally slows to a stop.

As long as you are there to support her it will be a lot easier on both of you.

I, unfortunately, had an emotionally distant fiancé that couldn't cope with his own emotions let alone help me in my time of need. He was so callous that it was the way he treated me afterwards that caused me the trauma.

I already had ptsd from a bad childhood so I would be freaking about the procedure and have a flash back and he would just sit there and ignore me because it was too much for him to deal with.

Getting rid of him was the only way that I could come to terms with everything.

You sound like a wonderful person and it is wonderful that you will be there in the room with her!

I hope that they don't put her under full sedation but I also hope that they do more then giver her a single pain pill a half an hour before the procedure like they did with me at planned parenthood!

The pill didn't do a damn thing and it ended up hurting like hell!

Ok, enough of my ranting...

*hug* things will work out in the end! Just hug her when she needs it!