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Please Help I Feel Like Im Losing Him :(

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Hi everyone. I need your advice on something I could just be assuming and making an idiot of myself but here it goes. Ive been with my boyfriend for a lil more then 3 years and things are good. I am a very emotional person I look to much into things and always assume the worst. Once a month I get pretty bad im on birth control I just started with it and for about a week I got a little crazy/paranoid. Ive gone nuts before on him just worrying about stupid !**@! and he gets mad at first then gets over it. Last week I lost it I texted him while he was at work and he was really busy they had him outside and I was texting him and he wan not responding and I started freaking out thinking “hes avoiding me” “hes dumping me” blah blah and then he texted me saying “im busy at work” and he still didn’t answer my question so I thought he was just avoiding it so I sent 11 all together and I know it sounds crazy………but I started saying stupid things like whatever I see how it is. He called me after work and he was so mad he basically said he can’t take going through this once a month anymore and that I need to change and stop this and that ive said I would stop before and never did. So of course I apologized and felt stupid I told him to call me when he wasn’t mad anymore and I wouldn’t text him or bother him so I didn’t text him for a day and then he called me and we made up. His grandfather died(step grandfather)passed away and he’s not good at showing emotion at all. So I figure even though he wasn’t that close to him maybe he is still hurting so he’s been a little distant. When we are together everything’s fine and we cuddle and its perfect. But little things like he used to e-mail me sometimes throughout the day just saying little things and I liked it because it showed he was thinking about me which any girl would like. Sometimes he would text me if he was out in the field. Ever since that fight he really doesn’t do this anymore. He’s been in his office all week and no little e-mails or anything if I text him stating I have class tonight ill call him after he doesn’t reply or anything but maybe it doesn’t need a response. I asked him nicely and he said its because he is busy. Do you think there’s a chance maybe he is punishing me for what I did? Or do you think maybe he is just really busy and im being paranoid. I mean I don’t know if men really ever test women I know women sometimes do it. What do you all think? Be honest if you think i’m being nuts just explain your reason haha. I keep feeling like maybe hes just losing interest!
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First Helper LauBee
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replied March 15th, 2006
Experienced User
I feel the same way with my bf, that he's just avoiding me. I think it's something all girls go through sometime or other.

What you need to do is have a heart to heart conversation with him. Just you 2, take 2-3 hrs for it if you have to. Do nothing but talk, and tell him to be honest how he feels and want he wants. If he is loosing interest it's best for him to tell you now instead 5 yrs down the road, it will be harder.

It sounds like you're really attached to him, i'm the same way with mine. I'm attached to him every way possible. I feel the need to hear his voice alllll the time, ya know? Everytime I confront him about me being attached, and i'll just back off he gets mad and screaming like a child.

If u need anything else send me a pm
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replied March 16th, 2006
I went through the same thing with my boyfriend for the first year we were together. The whole issue with thinking that he's avoiding/ignoring you stems from the fact that girls tend to think that boys & girls are all alike when it comes to relationships, but they're so not. It took me a long time to realize this. It sounds like he really really likes you but you've been together for quite awhile and things will start to fade away after awhile, like the little text messages and emails. It's a sign that he's becoming more comfortable in your relationship because he knows he doesn't have to keep on doing these things to keep you happy, even though it does make you happy. If it upsets you, then tell him honestly. Let him know that you are aware of his feelings but need reassurance and that you think it would be good for the relationship to keep the little things like that around.

I can tell you this much though...Constantly bugging him with text messages and phone calls after he has clearly not responded is a bad idea. I did the same exact thing and it drove us to break up... We eventually got back together and have been for a couple of years now but I had to learn that pestering someone is not the way to get them to change.

When girls are in a relationship, they tend to revolve they're entire life around it, but boys don't. It doesn't mean that he doesn't feel the same way, it's just the way humans are. Just because he doesn't show you his feelings or emotions the way you can or the way you'd like him to, doesn't mean he doesn't care, because he obviously does. But you just can't change someone's behavior if that's part of who they are.
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replied March 16th, 2006
Writing a Book
Hi. I am currently writing a book entitled when did you know that he was not the one? It chronicles the lives of everyday women and the moment that they realized that the person they are having a relationship with is all wrong. I am interviewing women across the country. If you are interested in participating, please e-mail me.
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replied March 16th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Whoa! Slow down! Take a break! You do not have to text message him that much, this is his break from you and yours from him. It is great that you care for this guy, he does not sound like an emotional type of guy and possibly effectionate type either, he might have problems from his past or this is just the way he is, a lot of guys are that way.
Now anytime you put a new chemical in your system, especially something like b/c, you might change a little and I am not saying b/c is bad, no way, no how but b/c has hormones in them that until you get used to them you might go through different feelings or emotions and it does not make you bad at all, you just might want to back off a little and be there when he needs you, talk to him but allow him sometime to talk also!
Good luck!
Keep us posted.
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replied March 17th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
I know how you feel,i freak out sometimes too but I don't let it show if I think i'm going over board,then later I think to myself "damni'm glad I didn't call him 5 times!"lol.My b/f use to make me breakfast in bed,tell me he loved me while we were having sex(he still loves me but doesn't say it while were 'together).I don't like cigarettes and he use to not smoke around me and chew gum after he did smoke,but now he does none of that.Thngs do fade after a while and sometimes I remind him of the things he se to do that made me feel good and he will do it every once in a while,just talk to him.
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replied March 30th, 2006
Well girls and crazyness24, i"m a guy and i'm exactly like you girls. I have it the other way around. I'm in love with the girl that is like your guy.

I too don't really understand sandyallen's comments. Hey if you care about someone, it's quite normal to think about them during your day and even communicate. What type of person needs a break where you don't communicate at all with your loved one.

I don't think that's right. My girl just dumped me because she told me that i'm burdening her with my emotions, asking if she's ok or when I ask her if she feels bad if there's something that I might've done or not do that caused that. Another thing that bothers her as she put it is that I don't give her a breathing room and that she just isn't the type of person who expresses her feelings. I think that's just cold and not really something that's normal. And i"m with this girl long-distance. She has all the breathing room she wants and if I can't hear from you that you care about me, well of course i'm gonna ask when the only thing I have is the phone.

Your boyfriend along with my girl, both equally have a problem, not us. Actually we do have a problem is because we have real emotions and we really care about these people. It's obvious they don't care about as much.

I felt really crappy when she told me that she didn't want to come and visit for 2 months as we kept planning for a while now and that she's afraid that I might be too possessive and that I won't give her breathing room.

I call her maybe once a day if that and we hardly exchange sms messages anymore and it's still not enough. This means that she doesn't really care that much about it. There's no other explanation.

Believe me, there's a lot of people out there that can give back love to you as you're giving to them.

I don't want to tell you to break up with him, but I think it would be better for you. You deserve someone else who can give back the same care and show of emotions as you do.

I care about my girl a lot still, but I understand now that I need someone who can tell/show me that they care about me, that they think about me the same way I think about them.
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replied September 1st, 2010
Give him a chance to participate in the relationship.
Delete his number from your mobile. I know you know his number by heart but at least this way, ny the time you punch in the last two digits, you will ask yourself if that text msg is really at all that necessary! Give him time to think of you first.. A relationship is not a competition but team work- Like a Doubles Tennis match, Give him a chance to hit the ball. You are working too hard in this relationship and obviously, he's withdrawing because you keep jumping ahead of him before he even considers making an effort.

Hope this helps.. Im an 18 yr old but I've studied these patterns and if you try this out.. It will work. Mwah Ladies:)
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replied July 11th, 2012
You touched my <3 with your words... I mean it.
Hey! I just wanted to say that what you just said was brillent! I am 19 and I am just the same way... I love studying these kind of relationships. The only thing wrong is I can give advice, but can't take my own. I would really like to keep in touch with you! If there is anyway maybe a facebook add would be great! I go crazy for my Princess + a Cowboy relationship... haha
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replied September 10th, 2010
Experienced User
I agree in the fact you need to allow him space. You need to slow down.....if you don't you will kill this relationship.....it happened to me.....the person I was involved with would have anziety/panic attacks and would go completely crazy. It got to the point I would literally shake when she would contact me because I didn't know what "mood" she would be in. Take a deep breath and reassure yourself he is ok and is not doing something he shouldn't. You have to develop trust hon...that's what a relationship is based on. I hope the best for you and your BF!!
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