Aww,see you have something in common with
someone! I think they are right,do your
thing and meet people while your doing it!
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Eternal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 38
Re: Gosh I Couldn't Believe This! Posted: 03-23-06 18:00pm
haliparot
wrote:
first of all..Whoever you
are...We share a lot of things in
common...Not really on relationship since
I already have been in two serious and
long relationships. Reading through
your post, I found myself thinking why
nobody was attracted to you because I
think you are a really great, witty,
talented and passionate guy. I was
surprised that we have a lot of things in
common. When you described yourself, I
found myself amazed because I too have a
passion for knowledge and language.
Actually, I have learned 3 languages
myself. I am also sensitive,
passionate and I value relationships.
And what really surprised me is when you
mentioned that you would like to change
the world for the better in any way.
Oh my gosh! That's my signature
sentence in every profile that I make.
You know what here's the answer to your
question. I believe that girls like
you but, they become intimidated of your
wit and knowledge. Reading through
your post, I concluded that you are a
smart person who is good in expressing
himself and I like that. Consider
yourself rare! Any girl would be very
lucky to have you! Don't worry. The
right girl will come. The best advice
that I can give: search for a girl in your
school who has the same interest as you
have like join a school club that focused
on your hobbies and interest and meet
people through there. Don't worry too
much about it! I think i've already
mentioned this but I think you are a great
person! Good
luck..
wow, that really made me smile... :d I
think perhaps that writing down my
feelings is a form of relief, because I
often feel frustrated that I cannot
sometimes express my true self in any
other way. As I said before, when I
become nervous, my ability to speak is
severely impaired, my voice is often quiet
and my enunciation very unclear, and it is
extremely difficult to counteract this.
This is not only restricted to typical
moments when one is nervous - e.G. A
speech/talking to an important person, but
also on general occasions as well. I'm
not sure how I could portray the same
impression in real life as I have done in
what I have written here, as I have the
feeling that the two images are very
different.
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haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 03-23-06 22:36pm
I suggest..Relax and practice....Start
with some of your friends and try to
improve I think there are some videos that
can help you..Try searching the net...You
have to gift you just have to open
it..What I mean is you have the talent of
expressing yourself you just have to open
it and express it in real life...Don't
stress..It's alright...I think you can do
it! Plus! As a girl I find it quite cute
sometimes when guys have a hard time
expressing themselves..I don't know but
they look inoccent..Lol..
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Eternal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 38
Posted: 03-26-06 13:27pm
I can't find anything sufficient to help
on the net, and I have considered
counselling, but I wonder whether I
actually have a true problem that is worth
the counsellor's time, or whether it will
cause unnecessary worry for those around
me by the word "counselling". I have so
much in my mind that I cannot express to
others, and I just don't know how to
convey this in my personality...Well I
know "how" logically, but I can't seem to
do it very often... When I feel more
confident, I can show myself more
naturally, but it is still only one
fraction of my personality. In fact, if
somebody asks me what's wrong, I just
can't open my mouth and say it, even if I
know what to say, perhaps I am too
embarassed or scared to reveal my secret
self, especially talking about how I feel
within my soul is a female "me" as well as
my male side, which nobody I have talked
to can relate to directly. Normally I
have to ask to write it down to read. If
somebody argues with or shouts at me,
normally I say little or nothing, and
afterwards I muse over how I should have
stood up for myself and answered back. It
is paradoxical, because more than anything
I want people to see me as I am, and the
only thing stopping that is my own
automatic reactions which repress the
person inside.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Eternal Posted: 03-26-06 14:13pm
Hi there! You have answered a lot of
your own questions, for example, yes, you
are negative to a certain extent. When
you go out with a female , at 1st, it is
to have a good time, to get to know, her
and to see if you are compatible and then
you move to the second level of possibly
having a relationship and carrying it on,
just like buying a pair of shoes, you do
not buy a pair of shoes without trying
them on, the same goes with having a
relationship, you need to find out if this
female fits in your lifestyle 1st before
you move on into a relationship. If you
feel that you need to talk to a shrink,
that is your choice. Most of us has been
hurt at one time or other in our lives,
that does happen, it is kind of like
falling, you have to pick yourself up,
dust yourself off and move on and I
realize that it is sometimes difficult but
you have to do it as it is part of life.
As far as your looks, beauty is only skin
deep, if you are 18,15 or 16 it is age
i always felt 20 was a difficult age, as
you are not an adult and you are not a
teenager.
Ihope this has helped! Just do not be in
a hurry!
Good luck to you!
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Eternal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 38
Re: Eternal Posted: 03-27-06 14:57pm
sandyallen
wrote:
hi there! You have
answered a lot of your own questions, for
example, yes, you are negative to a
certain extent. When you go out with
a female , at 1st, it is to have a good
time, to get to know, her and to see if
you are compatible and then you move to
the second level of possibly having a
relationship and carrying it on, just like
buying a pair of shoes, you do not buy a
pair of shoes without trying them on, the
same goes with having a relationship, you
need to find out if this female fits in
your lifestyle 1st before you move on into
a relationship. If you feel that you
need to talk to a shrink, that is your
choice. Most of us has been hurt at
one time or other in our lives, that does
happen, it is kind of like falling, you
have to pick yourself up, dust yourself
off and move on and I realize that it is
sometimes difficult but you have to do it
as it is part of life. As far as your
looks, beauty is only skin deep, if you
are 18,15 or 16 it is age
i always felt 20 was a difficult age, as
you are not an adult and you are not a
teenager.
Ihope this has helped! Just do not be
in a hurry!
Good luck to
you!
a lot of what you have said is what I have
also told myself - going out with another
girl is first to know her - and this is my
approach the majority of the time. In
fact, most of my friends are female, so I
certainly don't view girls as "alien" or
inaccessible in any way, quite the
opposite in fact. However, it's only
when I start to become interested in
another girl (which has happened about
four times in my life) then the feelings I
mention before come into play. On the
few occasions that any girl has given a
hint of returning any of my feelings, I
experience a fleeting of overwhelming
emotion which overrides any sense of
restraint over "being in a hurry". The
main reason is that it is because I seek
some kind of intimate love, connection and
affection, of which so far my life has
been barren. I can't understand why so
many men have desire for sex with many
women, I couldn't care less about it -
perhaps it is a viewpoint of a naive
virgin, but I could easily do without sex
with another woman I was intimate with,
even if I have the normal sexual feelings.
I don't know why I am so alone, when
even other men who have even less
confidence than me sometimes don't even
have to flirt, and women have attraction
and feelings towards them simply for the
people that they are. In fact it very
often happens that I develop a very
special friendship with a girl/woman, but
often she will fall in love with another
man, with no desire for me - not that this
is particularly terrible for me, since
often the feeling is mutual, but there
does seem to be a noticeable pattern...
Whether I like it or not, my subconscious
thought process is this... "i am in no
way a typical man. Women are attracted
to men, not men of which their identity is
merged with a female, that is why men and
women have typical traits, because that is
what attracts them to each other". I
don't know how to break this chain of
thought, and often I feel I could give a
lot of love in a relationship, but I can't
attract anyone, hence the title,
especially at face value - if you look at
my picture, does it say "man" to you? I
highly doubt it. In fact my identity
switches between male and female, which is
explained by this article - "the male
lesbian". Htt
p://www.Love-shy.Com/gilmartin/chapter05/m
alelesbian.Html
although initially ridiculous, this
explains my gender identity almost
exactly.
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Eternal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 38
Posted: 04-11-06 06:38am
melissa_20
wrote:
eternal
wrote:
melissa_20
wrote:
take no offense to this,but
maybe its b/c you look so young?
When I looked at your pic I thought you
were 16,i had to look again to see how old
you said you
were.
yes, I have often thought about it - your
estimate is quite generous, most people
say I look about 13-15...I become self
conscious of this and often I feel people
are treating me as a younger person, but
this is obviously a problem I can't
change. Another reason is that
nervousness affects my speech more than
most - if I am worried about saying
something it's not so much what I am
saying but whether I can put a sentence
together orally. People almost always
ask me to repeat myself, either because I
am unclear or speak too quietly or state a
complex sentence quickly, and I feel that
my voice must sound awful on the ear.
However, like I mentioned before, this is
rare if I speak another language - perhaps
because if I make a silly mistake I have
an excuse for it.
Also, I am not often sure of what I want -
if I feel attracted to a girl I won't
think "great, i'll flirt with her", I have
to measure her up for a long time and the
vast majority of the time I don't sense
any emotional (amourous) connection (this
is not a logical, it's my emotional
decision), and often I tell myself its
pointless to flirt just for the hell of
it. However, I have a lot of trouble
showing my personality, the main problem
being that I don't feel that repressed,
but somehow my true self often doesn't
show through, but I want to share it with
somebody I deeply care
for.
first of all the way you speak to people
may be a problem.I understand this may be
a charactoristic of your but when you
speak to people they may think "wow,he's
really smart" and they feel intimidated by
you.Try using words pepole commonly
use.Secondly you,i'll be right
back
actually, I feel the opposite happens -
when i'm nervous I can't appear to talk
properly and I probably come across as a
lot less articulate than I actually am,
although I am typically dubbed a "smart
person" so it is possible people may feel
intimidated. Personally, attraction from
my side is relatively rare as well, I can
count the amount of people I have been
signifiantly attracted to - three, and a
few more to a lesser extent. When I look
at profiles of blogs/dating sites, etc,
they all appear to say the same thing
"like clubbing/drinking/having a
laugh/shopping with my m8s/don't like
being bored", which are so b-o-r-i-n-g...
But I have no idea where I can simply go
out, find somebody compatible and have the
possibility to start dating - for older
people over 25, going out and finding
mature women is not so much of a problem,
but for me it seems impossible. I don't
know how much longer I can wait for
emotional closeness after 18 years - it's
not necessarily a girlfriend/partner I
want to find instantly (it would be ideal,
but I know I can't simply make love happen
out of thin air) but at least a sense of
emotional closeness and true intimacy with
somebody. It may be surprising, but
despite being an 18 year old male, I
really have little interest in sex, only
in physical/emotional closeness - I have
the normal sexual desires like anybody
else, but for me, it is the icing on the
cake and the culmination of emotional
intimacy, but I could easily live without
it, except to have children.
