Dating Forum - My Boyfriend

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Q: My Boyfriend

asked by: penelope67 on March 13th, 2006

Experienced User

I have been dating my boyfriend for three years, and although we've had some rough times in the middle, we are learning more about each other and it always gets better. We are soooooo different, so sometimes it is hard to communicate without misunderstandings. He has a problem with trusting me in many ways, because I am very outgoing, and he is not, so sometimes he thinks I will do anything for a little fun. Then, when he approaches me about it, and it isn't true, I feel the need to convince him it isnt true, because I want him to know I am trustworthy, but the fact that I try so hard to convince him makes him angry and disbelieve me even more. It is in my personality to set things straight with people and be very straight-forward, so how do I convince him that I dont do things behind his back that he thinks I do without making him so mad? I have had this one and only problem with him ever since we've been dating and I need some help. I am going to be moving to go to school and I love him so much, so I want him to trust me. How can I gain his trust?

Replies(8)

penelope67

replied on March 14th, 2006

Experienced User

Maybe this is a hard question, but I would really like any kind of insight or ideas to make things a little easier. Or maybe its just a retarded question. If it is, you can tell me. :)

Morning_Glory

replied on March 14th, 2006

Experienced User

Penolpe, this is about his insecurities not about your outgoing behaviors. He needs to trust you and believe in you otherwise the relationship is doomed.

You can reassure him that you love him and are not interested in anyone else but if he can't accept what you are telling him, I don't know how he's going to handle things when you go away to school. You can tell him you'll stay in touch with him, you'll call, you'll be back on long weekends, holidays, breaks, etc. You'll write, send cards, etc. And he can do the same.

If no matter what you do to reassure him doesn't help, then maybe its time to call it quits and move on. You can't change him, you can only change how you react to the behavior.

Melissa_20

replied on March 15th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I have the same type of personality as you,i try to convince people I am not doing wrong or whatever and they always think I am lying bc of it.It never works.Its a personality thing,i always try to prove myself but I stopped bc I got tired of it.Just tell him your sorry he can't trust you but you never gave him any reason to think anything.What ever happened to him in the past does not include you so tell him to stop puttin git on you.

penelope67

replied on March 16th, 2006

Experienced User

Yeah, he has been burned in the past by many different people and i'm not just talking relationship wise, because the fight that prompted me to write that question, was because he thought I was sneaking pills behind his back or something. He is very skeptical and doesnt trust anyone. He gets mad when I do trust people because he thinks I will get hurt by people. I dont know. The way he explains it is that he trusts me, but has no security with me. I love him so much because we are so different so we learn so much from each other. But the fact that we are so different means we have no idea why the other person does certain things. He is definitely not a bad person, but he just doesnt get me, its very frustrating.
Yeah I told him, when I go to college, we are going to see other people, because otherwise it will be way too stressfull.

Melissa_20

replied on March 16th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

What did he say?

penelope67

replied on March 16th, 2006

Experienced User

Well, we are both kind of in an agreement that we should take a break and see other people, because I think neither of us really know if we are right for each other. I am only the second person he has ever had sex with, so he kind of feels like he has missed out. I think it will be good for him, and he will probably realize how good he has it and he will come back-he has before. If not, it wasnt meant to be. He is the one that told me it was a good idea for me to go to college, because its what I really want to do, and I need to do something with my life. I think a lot of good will come of all of this. I hope anyway. :)

Melissa_20

replied on March 16th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I hope so too!

sandyallen

replied on March 16th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Yes, trust is a big part of any relationship. It does sound like you do need a little break from each other, it should prove a lot. It is strange how opposites attract but it seems like it is the way it is.

Good luck!

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