hello, and i'm sorry to hear about your wife.
For me it was the ring. i was on it for a year and a 4 months after having a baby. So m hormones were all out of whack before i got on the ring.
I was prescribed ativan, but never took it. i know my hormones needed to start to fix themselves. Your wife needs to get off the birth control for starters. her body need to have its period on it's own. Cycle out some of the fake horse hormones that are in birth control.
Take magnesium, calcium, and multi vitamin for starters and go to your health food store for some BACH rescue remedy. This helps calm the nerves some.
It's been eight months for me and now i'm thinking i'm over the the initial hormone issue, but now since it's been awhile and my nerves have taken a beating i feel i'm having to repair my adrenal glands. you should look up "adrenal fatigue". Too much anxiety and stress put a beating on your adrenal gland and if your not careful can take them out all together.
I've had to put my two year old in day care a few times a week to give me a rest. Your wife needs to relax as much as possible and be taken out for walks and do low key things. Most of all she will need your support. Please continue to be there for her and be reassuring. She needs your confidence that she will get over this, because i'm sure her confidence in this is fading. It's going to be a long road ahead for the two of you, but it'll make you a stronger couple.
i have two other friends i met on this site and they are both doing great!! One is even pregnant!
So, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sometime it just takes longer for others to get there.