Hello everyone.



Okay hmmmm, my problem, well where do I begin?
I've always been a shy, sensitive and quiet person but i've always had a side of me that could deal with things and i've always been able to live my life. This all changed when I was either 13 or 14 when I had my first panic attack. I cant remember what over, even though you'd think something so life-changing (as this has become for me) would be something you'd remember. Since then, any situation that made me uncomfortable or anxious would make me have a panic attack, for instance drama - a subject that always made me feel self-conscious.




My symptomes would be dizzyness, faintness, a terrible stomach (like not knowing whether to run to the sink or the toilet) and a choking feeling in my throat. At first this was manageable, the symptomes were there but slight and I could 'hide' them or just about get by but over time they become more and more aggressive to the point where i'd be worrying for weeks and even months about an event that might take 5 minutes.


On a kind of second level, I get a bit compulsive about things. For instance, if I pack a bag I need to check what i've packed like every 5 minutes, its like I expect things to not be there. I check under the table and in my cupboards all the time - I dont know what I expect to find. I could live with this, just not the panic attacks.

My parents know that I am an anxious nervous person, what they don't know is how serious it is, because I feel an fool to tell them, and when I try, I burst into tears and get the choking feeling so literally I can't even say the words. It's gotten to the point where though I do go out I would do anything not to, because even just standing waiting for a bus gives me panic. But sitting inside day after day makes me sit and think more about why i'm behaving in this way and what could be wrong with me.




I want to talk so much about it but everytime I try I burst into tears. There have been times when i've wanted to miss school because of my anxiety but haven't wanted to use that as the reason so I say i'm sick or have period pains, anything to 'hide behind'. I'm only 16 and I worry that I will never have a boyfriend, have a job, will let down my friends and even won't be able to deal with going on holiday because of my panic attacks.

I've always preffered being at home to going out, maybe thats makes me not the average teenager! And so I worry sometimes that my anxiety is safe for me because its an excuse I can use personally to get out of things i'd rather not do. I can convince myself i'm not feeling well and not go!



I heard of something called the lindon method (i think that is right) and I would like to know, have you tried it and has it worked for you? Does anyone have similar symptomes to me? I'm sure everyone understands that feels like I do, that you feel so alone, you don't know how to explain it because how could anyone possibly understand something you don't even understand? What scares me is I so want the lindon method, but it costs money, and my parents woul have to buy it for me, and that would mean telling them - something I don't have the strength to do.


Just some of the things I get nervous and have serious and multiple attacks over are:
dentists
doctors
public speaking
presentations
drama
often just going outside
eating in public (in case of the choking)
holidays
being away from somewhere I can use thats 'safe'

any response would be appreciated.



Thank-you.



Katia.