Ending a Relationship Forum - Hi, I Need Some Help In How to Cope With This, Or What to Do

Relationships > Ending a Relationship Forum > Hi, I Need Some Help In How to Cope With This, Or What to Do

Q: Hi, I Need Some Help In How to Cope With This, Or What to Do

asked by: oswaldo on March 2nd, 2006

New User

Hello everyone.

I would like to first give you guys a recap of the past 2 weeks.

My wife left me last monday night and moved in with her brother.

We had been married for 5 years and things were great in terms of our relationship for the first 4 years.. But our sex life had allways been bad since we got married. Last year things were ok, but not great..

She came home that night with a headache, so I got her some advil and asked her if she needed a massage. She turned around and said, "i dont love you anymore, and I cant do this, im leaving" I asked her, are you sure? She said, I dont love you at all, and its eating me inside out.. I cant believe you keep on loving me, and wanting to kiss me, when I never gave you a b-day present, or a christmas present, or a valentines days card. I was shocked, and realized that it was true, but at the time, she said that she didnt have any money, so I accepted it at the time. (she is going to school full time)

she left that day, and I tried to stop her. She turned around and tried to give me the engagement and wedding ring, but I told her to keep them, and to think about it before giving them back to me. She left that day.

I sent her flowers saying that I missed her. She sent me a text saying "thanks for the flowers" I sent her a text back, saying that I loved her. She sent me a txt back saying that I should respect her and give her her space.

Time went by, and my heart kept on aching incontrolably.. All I could think was that it was all my fault, for not trying hard enough for us to have a strong sexual relationship.

During last weekend, I felt soo sad, and at the same time I felt anger.

I really want her back and really want things to work. I love her with all my heart, and feel as though I have failed her, but she has also failed me.

When I used to talk to her, she used to listen to me.. But not really pay attention, it seemed like she was not intersted in what I had to say.

I am getting together with her this weekend, to talk about things.. I am so worried that its my last opportunity to save our marriege, and that she is going to reject me.

I am worried that I have lost her.. That she feels nothing for me. I know that she knows that I love her with all my heart.. And she knows that I am someone extremely valuable.

I want us to get together, but I dont want things to be like before.

While ive been at work, she has been slowly coming to our apartment and removing her things.. My heart feels like chunks are being taken out of it everytime I come back from work and see that there is less and less personal things of her. =(

i never treated her badly, never yelled at her, never beat her up, never cheated on her.

Replies(15)

Melissa_20

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

When you talk to her this weekend ask her why she does not love you anymore.If she says its the sex tell her you will try new things to improve yourself,your open to new ideas.Tell her she owes it to you to know what
happened,where things went wrong.What was wrong with your sex life?

oswaldo

replied on March 2nd, 2006

New User

melissa_20 wrote:

when you talk to her this weekend ask her why she does not love you anymore.If she says its the sex tell her you will try new things to improve yourself,your open to new ideas.Tell her she owes it to you to know what
happened,where things went wrong.What was wrong with your sex life?

we basically had no sex life.

I swear.. That if we had a sex life, it would be the most perfect marriege in the world.

Its not that im asexual, its just that we didnt turn each other on. My love for her is soo deep.. In another level.. I love her for who she is.. Her soul.

We did turn each other on before we got married.

Melissa_20

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

What happened to make it change? Was it the same thing all the time or what?

oswaldo

replied on March 2nd, 2006

New User

Yes. I have so many regrets.. I was so blind. She was sending me signals all the time, and I think I just didnt want to face the music. Now I feel that its too late.

I am so regretful.

I was blaming myself all this time.. But now that I think about it, its both of our faults.

I want to go back with her, but not to the same relationship that we had before.

I love her with all my heart.

Melissa_20

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Maybe This Will Help?

Tell her what you just told me,exactly.Especially that you don't want your relationship to be the same,you want to better it.I think you should suggest re-getting to know one another,be friends for a while without the pressure on the two of you.Find out what you both want from your relationship.Descuss the good and go over the negative and try to fix it from there.Mybe if you give her enough time she will fall back in love with you.Just remember to give her time and space.I think would help a great deal.What do you think?

sandyallen

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Unfortunately that piece of paper can change people. Sex is not everything but to me it does help in a relationship or marriage. It always takes two. Maybe their might be someone else or the chemistry is not right. It definitely sounds like something is not there and I am sorry that you are hurting, you will probably find out something this weekend and might have wished that you would have left it alone but I believe that you can do better and maybe she does just needs some space, she might be having a rough time with one of her classes at school. Maybe something has happened in her past and she is afraid of being hurt by you, you may never really know why but you still have to move on with or without her and I know that it is not easy, I have been there.
I wish you the best!
If you want to vent at anytime, you can come here and if you want to let us know one way or the other what happened this weekend you can.
Good luck to you!

Melissa_20

replied on March 3rd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Yes,if you want to vent we will definetly listen to you! So let us know what happened! Good luck!

Lalee

replied on March 3rd, 2006

Active User, very eHealthy

I hate seeing people hurt like this, even people I don't know. So i'm really sorry this is happening.

However, if things don't work out, please remember: one person alone can't hold together a relationship. It takes both of you. And if it doesn't work out, that doesn't mean in any way that you are to blame. You try. That's the best you can do.

oswaldo

replied on March 3rd, 2006

New User

lalee wrote:

i hate seeing people hurt like this, even people I don't know. So i'm really sorry this is happening.

However, if things don't work out, please remember: one person alone can't hold together a relationship. It takes both of you. And if it doesn't work out, that doesn't mean in any way that you are to blame. You try. That's the best you can do.

thanks.. I know, it does suck. Sometimes I think its all a big nightmare that I cant wake up from.

I guess, the good side is that whatever happens.. Its not going to be like before.

We spoke yesterday.. And we both sounded like friends.. But she said that she wasnt ready to see me. So I told her it was fine, and we decided that we were going to see each other in 2 weeks.

:(

brako

replied on March 3rd, 2006

New User

That Sux

Hang in there man the only thing you can do is wait and try if she doesnt want it you cant force it.
It hurts like h e l l .
Just focus on yourself and what you can do to be happy.
Dont get down on yourself and remember to always talk with someone.
Things like this really stink when there is no one to talk to.
Think about al of your good points and focus on that and if she cant see it then shes missing out
hope this helps brako

daisydobydoo

replied on March 3rd, 2006

New User

Give Her Space.

My husband and I have gone through a similar ordeal. I woke up one day feeling I wasn't in love w/ him any more. It devistated him to hear I didn't love him like I once did. But through many talks, counseling, and patience we are still together. From a woman's side, all I can say is give her the space she is asking for. Let her know how you truely feel, but don't make her come back to you. As soon as my husband was able to give me my space I have been able to really think about our marriage and have decided to give it one more try. We too, want it better than what it was. As soon as my husband starts to sufocate me, I put up my walls and shut him out. But for the most part he gives me my space and I have found that I do love him and that maybe together we can make it work. At the same time, work on yourself, be a strong person and try not to let this tear you apart. I don't understand why she fell out of love but it sounds like you have alot offer, don't give up.

oswaldo

replied on March 4th, 2006

New User

Re: Give Her Space.

daisydobydoo wrote:

my husband and I have gone through a similar ordeal. I woke up one day feeling I wasn't in love w/ him any more. It devistated him to hear I didn't love him like I once did. But through many talks, counseling, and patience we are still together. From a woman's side, all I can say is give her the space she is asking for. Let her know how you truely feel, but don't make her come back to you. As soon as my husband was able to give me my space I have been able to really think about our marriage and have decided to give it one more try. We too, want it better than what it was. As soon as my husband starts to sufocate me, I put up my walls and shut him out. But for the most part he gives me my space and I have found that I do love him and that maybe together we can make it work. At the same time, work on yourself, be a strong person and try not to let this tear you apart. I don't understand why she fell out of love but it sounds like you have alot offer, don't give up.

daisy, thanks for your kind words. It is true.. And I know that she knows that I have a lot to offer. I woke up today so lonely.. Really missing her, but I didnt give her a call. Im going to be strong and not call her for the two weeks. :(

ive had a lot of time to think, and ive realized the things that I have done. Ive realized the things that I want to change.. The things that I need to do to be the best I can be.

What hurts most is to think of the past, the good times, the trips.. The things we had in common.

Thanks for listening to me.. And it really helps to read what you guys post. Especially the people who know where im coming from.

Daisydobydoo, if you have any advice, I am all ears.

oswaldo

replied on March 6th, 2006

New User

Omg, the pain... I just arrived to work, and my heart hurts really really bad. I think its bleeding again... :cry:

i had a dream where I was hugging her... This is horrible

i miss her soo much.. Soo much...

Not sure what to do... :cry: :(

oswaldo

replied on March 14th, 2006

New User

Its now been 3 weeks since I last saw my wife.

Sometimes I feel completely in peace.. Sometimes I feel sooo sooo soo sad.. And sometimes I feel anger.

I do miss her.. But I am worried that there is no turning back. I really want us to go to counseling.. But im worried that she does not want to go. This coming weekend we are supposed to get together and talk.. She is supposed to give me her thoughts.. See how she feels. I am worried that she is going to tell me that she thought it over and that she really doesnt love me. :(

so sad.

Not sure what to do.

unhelf

replied on June 29th, 2006

New User

Falling Out of Love?

Hey there, am sorry what about whatever is happening in your life. There is something which I have noticed in relationships: sex is integral in a couple. When sex is no more present, things just die..And the love decomposes. Then maybe she started drifting away from you. You should try to make an effort int alking to her about the whole lot, if you dont want your marriage life to be burnt to ashes. I see that nowadays,which is about a gf dumping her bf for no apparent reason =maybe falling out of love. Well, be courageous, and talk to her. Things will be okay. Otherwise, move on with life.

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