Please could somebody give me their thoughts on this? I hate seeing him hurting and stressed and want to help him ...But dont know how!!! :(

He needs to get a lawyer if he doesn't have one asap.

First he needs a lawyer and become as informed as possible i/e reading forums and legal matters .
Do not jump the gun let your lawyer do what he is paid for .
It sounds like he will get custody as he has had the children for this long
does he have receipts for child support?
It sounds like she just using the children for leverage and $
what a selfish callouse and unthinking wench.
Tell your man chin up get a lawyer and in the end know that he is doing the right thing.
Be supportive and caring for im sure he is being ripped apart inside.
As far as the sexual side goes depression will really nail ya there
and it can swing one way or the other he may not be able to acheive an erection or he may not be able to achieve orgasm. Remember its not you
its not your fault he needs to have support and love from you .
He needs closure on this issue before he can return to normal help in any way you can with legal matters and helping find resources for custody
hope I helped a little brako

Hi brako..The boys live with their mother...He would really like full custody or residance with us but we live in his parents basement so have nowhere to put them so the courts would not allow it.

There are no receipts for child support as he didnt pay a lump sum they both split the costs for the kids, he bought groceries and clothes etc...And he signed the house and full contense over to her strait away for the benefit of the boys.

The most annoying thing is we both know the kids will never see any of the child support he will be paying soon. She earns more money than him and recieves benefits.

She works nights and leaves the 2 boys with her deaf parents, 5 nights a week and spends the weekends with her boyfriend. Also the house is unsafe..Damp with lots of big patches of mould so the boys are constantly ill. Do you think he would have a case against her to go for full custody?

Im not a lawyer but im sure childrens services could help you I really wish I could help and im sorry I misread your first post
i really feel for you both and I hope everything works for you
pray pray and pray make god your best friend and speak to him every day
i really wish I could be more hlp and im sorry if I let you down
i will reread this and research it and see if I can find anything but I think there is hope
just hard to come up with a clear cut answer
the answer definetly lies with the childrens living cnditions



wish I could help more and I wil try brako

She couldn't have been legally served divorce papers without them being filed first. I haven't read any of the replies so i'm just telling you what I have to say. Lol sorry if I repeat questions.
So... He served the papers to her (himself) and she ripped them up? If so, they have no legal standing.
Ok. I just went back and read your reply...
I still don't understand how papers were served but no filed. Either way, it's irrelevant. Just because she filed and is going for custody, that means nothing. People think they have the advantage because they filed first, and in all honestly, it's simply not true.
As for the receipts... There's nothing you can do about that. In court, he will be given the option to testify (which can be helpful or detrimental, depending on the case). It may be advantageous for him to testify that he provided for them, but if he has no proof, maybe let the lawyer speak for him.
As for you living with his parents... Is there *any* way that you can get out on your own and provide a place for the children to stay for visitation? Also what are the particular reasons that you're staying with his parents? The courst may offer him a stipulated amound of time to get on his feet and provide a place for his children to stay. If he doesn't abide in the set amount of time, there will have to be another court hearing.
As far as the mother leaving the kids with her parents... You would think that that in and of itself would be a red flag. Unfortunately in the courts system, you can't really prove if she's working/etc during that time, or if she's even actually leaving the kids there unless it's an actually babysitter that documents their time there. That doesn't help you much.
The mold and unsafe living conditions... You may have a slight chance. She's putting her children in danger, which is much more detrimental than staying with daddy and his parents.
I don't know... The court system is so inconsistent. It really just depends on the judge.
I wish the best of luck to you. Feel free to pm me if you think I can help you further.

Oh, also... About her earning more than him. They take both parties' income into consideration and a certain percentage is awarded for child support.
I would not suggest going for full custody. I would say to go for joint all across the board. Joint legal, joint physical. If she has nothing against your bf (drugs, abuse, etc.) then there shouldn't be any reason to not give it (except, m.A.Y.B.E him living with his parents and not being able to provide comfortable living space. Like I said... Timelines)
in this day and age, most judges are all for equal involvement from both sides and actually favor joint. If you go for full, you may be shooting yourself in the leg.

We live with his parents because we only have his income...I am origionally from the uk and unable to obtain a work permit as yet...We have our room in his parents basement we did it up so that its an additional bedroom and the kids sleep in the spare room so its not over crowded.

We are filing for immigration after his divorce so that I dont have to travel back and forth between canada and the uk... I hate planes! :cry: