I have been married for almost 6 years.
Two years into the marriage, my hubby let
me know that he thought I could stand to
loose a few pounds. Currently, I weigh
140 pounds and am 5'7" tall. According to
my research, that is middle of the road
for my height, but considered a healthy
weight nonetheless. He is dissatisfied
and wants me to loose 10 pounds. He is
frustrated that I don't set goals for
working out (but I do go to the gym almost
every day) and that I occassionally make
food choices he disproves of (like having
a bowl of ice cream or eating some pizza).
I accept the fact that I will never grace
the cover of a magazine, but am I crazy to
think that he doesn't have a right to be
displeased with my weight? It is such a
turn off to me that he is so obsessed with
health and fitness. Am I wrong to think
that a person's inside should count for
more than their outside? I am so scared,
becuase I am craving positive male
attention to the point that I feel
vulnerable to the posibility of an affair.
Advice?
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-02-06 12:13pm
Did what he sai offend you?Of course,so
yes you have a right to be upset.I think
you should ask him to take a look at
himself before he makes judgments on you.I
think 140 for 5'7" is good,you don't sound
bad at all. In fact I wish I was that
thin! Tell him if he wanted a super model
he should have married one!You are
comfotable with yourself and that is what
matters.If you are having those thoughts
of an affair,you ned to talk to him and
tell him he is not giving you the type of
attention you need/want and all he's
giving you is negativity.
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wifeandmomtoone
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 8 Location: OR
Posted: 03-03-06 00:26am
Thanks for offering another view. I feel
like i'm going crazy and it helps to at
least be able to vent and hear another
angle on all this.
To answer your question, yes it really
hurt me to hear that he was dissatisfied.
I was mad. More than anything, my ego was
hurt. Because this has been coming up
over and over again for 4 years, i've
begun to feel ugly and my self esteem has
suffered from it. I always thought that
it was the job of each partner in a
relationship to make the other feel that
they are sexy and essentially, the only
one in the world as far as he/she was
concerned. Its been hard living with the
knowledge that my idea is just a fantasy.
I wish it was true that my satisfaction
with myself was all that mattered, but it
really is not. His opinion does matter.
It really is my duty to try to meet his
desires and needs. I just feel like our
needs conflict. I need to feel adored and
cherished, which I can't feel if he is
always pressing me about my fitness and
eathing choices. He does say i'm
beautiful, but the minute he asks "where
are you at with your weight? You're
eathing that? Gross. Etc." he may as
well be saying "you're pretty, but you
could be so much better if you'd just
loose weight."
yes, he does work out and maintains
himself well. Unfortunately, he presses
me to feel or at least behave as
passionately as he does about it all. It
makes me feel a bit like a rebellious teen
who wants to do the opposite of what her
dad is telling her to do if that makes any
sense. Believe me, we have talked about
this over and over and over again. We
just can't seem to agree. While I believe
that is important to maintain what god
gave you to the best of your ability and
strive for health, I don't think that it
is right to focus so much on the exterior
since it inevitably fades over time. He
claims that his fixation is in hopes that
we will avoid health problems and be able
to enjoy life by doing the same things we
do now in our old age. What...I can't
keep up at 140 pounds? Come on! I just
don't understand.
Also, i've actually told my husband that
i've had thoughts of past boyfriends who
made me feel cherished and adored. The
one that I almost married was even able to
tell me when he thought someone was hot,
because he had a way of making me feel
like, although she was pretty, I was even
better. I know that he was wrong for me
in other ways, but that part I really
miss.
I won't have an affair, but not because
i'm above it. I just know that it isn't
what god would have me do.
Again, thanks for your encouragement!
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lil_mo_7622
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Mar 2006 Posts: 11
Posted: 03-19-06 12:42pm
He should love you the way you are! I'm
shorter then you are and the same weight
and I don't think I look bad, either does
my husband. I understand he is crazy
about health and fitness, but that doesn't
mean you have to be that extreme. He is
your husband, he should give you support
not make you feel like the way you look is
bad. Thats not good for you emotionally,
it probably has paid a major toll on you
as a person. Inside in out, stress like
that would want to make me eat more. Did
you ask him why he wants you lose 10
pounds?
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Melissa569
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 27 Location: San Fransisco Bay Area
Posted: 06-03-06 00:26am
Tell him he is shallow, and that if he
cares more about how skinny you are than
weather or not he loves you, then he not a
very loving person!
My cousin is like....275 lbs and 5'2"
tall!! Her husband is a toothpick. But
he loves her to death and doesn't care if
she ever looses a pound!!! Weight
shouldn't matter, and it doesn't, with a
good man.
