I have been married for almost 6 years. Two years into the marriage, my hubby let me know that he thought I could stand to loose a few pounds. Currently, I weigh 140 pounds and am 5'7" tall. According to my research, that is middle of the road for my height, but considered a healthy weight nonetheless. He is dissatisfied and wants me to loose 10 pounds. He is frustrated that I don't set goals for working out (but I do go to the gym almost every day) and that I occassionally make food choices he disproves of (like having a bowl of ice cream or eating some pizza). I accept the fact that I will never grace the cover of a magazine, but am I crazy to think that he doesn't have a right to be displeased with my weight? It is such a turn off to me that he is so obsessed with health and fitness. Am I wrong to think that a person's inside should count for more than their outside? I am so scared, becuase I am craving positive male attention to the point that I feel vulnerable to the posibility of an affair. Advice?
That offended you right?Well if it did I think you have a right to be mad about what he said.If you are happy with your self thats all that matters. He should love you for who you are.You don't sound like you look bad,especially 140lbs at 5'7".Is he a cut guy,does he work out? If he isn't, remind him he isn't at his best weight either and you thing he should shed some too.If you feel you will want to have an affair,i think you need to talk to him about this.Tell him he is not giving you the type of attention you need/want from him and it is just driving you away.
Dont have an affair they ruin lives talk to him and if it isnt working break up with him dont just put him on hold while u search for someone else. Dont put off talking to him because it will make the situation worse. In the end an affair isnt for life your just going to make sure that it doesnt work out you need to find some way of sorting it out or break up
Writing him a note?
Pick a way but dont cheat you would be doing worse then he is.
And dont feel concious about your weight it was wrong for him to say that
maybe join a gym together if he isnt as toned as he thinks!
It is important that your partner feels that he has what he wants too.
Think about both sides but dont have an affair it will go down hill from there
Thanks to both of you who wrote in with your thoughts. I feel like i'm going crazy and it helps to at least be able to vent and hear another angle on all this.
To answer your question, yes it really hurt me to hear that he was dissatisfied. I was mad. More than anything, my ego was hurt. Because this has been coming up over and over again for 4 years, i've begun to feel ugly and my self esteem has suffered for it. I always thought that it was the job of each partner in a relationship to make the other feel that they are sexy and essentially, the only one in the world as far as he/she was concerned. Its been hard living with the knowledge that my idea is just a fantasy. I wish it was true that my satisfaction with myself was all that mattered, but it really is not. His opinion does matter. It really is my duty to try to meet his desires and needs. I just feel like our needs conflict. I need to feel adored and cherished, which I can't feel if he is always pressing me about my fitness and eathing choices. He does say i'm beautiful, but the minute he asks "where are you at with your weight? You're eathing that? Gross. Etc." he may as well be saying "you're pretty, but you could be so much better if you'd just loose weight."
yes, he does work out and maintains himself well. Unfortunately, he presses me to feel or at least behave as passionately as he does about it all. It makes me feel a bit like a rebellious teen who wants to do the opposite of what her dad is telling her to do if that makes any sense. Believe me, we have talked about this over and over and over again. We just can't seem to agree. While I believe that is important to maintain what god gave you to the best of your ability and strive for health, I don't think that it is right to focus so much on the exterior since it inevitably fades over time. He claims that his fixation is in hopes that we will avoid health problems and be able to enjoy life by doing the same things we do now in our old age. What...I can't keep up at 140 pounds? Come on! I just don't understand.
Also, i've actually told my husband that i've had thoughts of past boyfriends who made me feel cherished and adored. The one that I almost married was even able to tell me when he thought someone was hot, because he had a way of making me feel like, although she was pretty, I was even better. I know that he was wrong for me in other ways, but that part I really miss.
I won't have an affair, but not because i'm above it. I just know that it isn't what god would have me do.
I'm sorry your in that situation.It doesnt make him feel bad that hes hurting you? You take care of yourself,but I think he is either obsessed over it or he is worried that when you grow old he will looke good and you will look flabby.My b/f tells me I look good but he also says that when I start putting on the extra weight,he wil tell me about it.That kinda made me feel bad cause I asked "well you wont love me anymore?" he said "i will but I won't want to have sex with you." so I don't know exactly where you are coming from but I have a similam type of view.