Hi

i totally sympathise with you, I have been there but I have got so much better and its not from any miracle its just from reading and practicing what i`ve learnt. Like you I felt like I was existing how can a life be sitting at home all day scared to move.

Firstly I think you have built up your anxiety to get this bad, you may think no I haven`t but I guarantee you have without even consciously knowing. I don`t know how much you know about panic attacks but subconsciously your mind has learnt this behaviour and learnt to fear the situation. You won`t even realise your having the negative thoughts until you start to panic but when you open your mind to it you will start to spot the negative thoughts.

It`s really horrible but the best way to conquer it is to stay in the situation, your mind has to learn that the situation is not a threat and yes you may panic but on a scale of 1 to 10 it cannot go above 10 it has to go down and it will, you have to talk yourself through. That is why you are scared to pick her up again, you think "what if it happens again?" and then the cycle of thoughts start again and you won`t be able to do it. But you can. Distract yourself it does work.

I tried everything but I gradually stayed out a bit longer every time I went out, don`t put yourself down for having setbacks, its bound to happen. You must keep going though as your perserverance will pay off. I still get anxious but I just have learnt how to deal with it better.

You maybe should visit your doctor I was put on an anti depressant called citalopram, its not addictive and it has helped me through the worst of times. It may also help with the depressive feelings your having. Distract yoursekf from your thoughts, do relaxation tapes, read up on anxiety knowledge really is the key. Don`t be fooled into thinking there is a miracle cure like some websites promise it takes a lot of hard work. I go out all the time, shopping, walking, yoga classes and I go out at the weekend and dance the night away.

Good luck and if you would like to chat further I am here for you!

Debs

Thanks very much for your reply. I know what you mean about me causing the anxiety myself. You're totally right that I feel that I will panic in a certain situation and then when i'm in the situation I do panic. Trouble is I just don't know how to reverse that. I've tried talking myself through it and deep breathing etc but nothing seems to work. I know how irrational my fears are but no matter how much I try to rationalise them it doesn't seem to make any difference. I also understand what you mean about anxiety can't get worse than 10 on a scale of 1-10 but for me I can't seem to bear it past 6 or 7 before I simply have to get out of the situation and get home asap.

I've seen the dr and she gave me cipralex (escitalopram) but when I took them I felt so ill that I literally couldn't leave the house at all. I don't know if that was due to the pills themselves or anxiety about getting side effects actually causing side effects if you know what I mean. Trouble is I also have a phobia about being sick so i've been terrified to take the medication again or try any others since then. I've had a visit from a cpn a couple of weeks ago and i'm actually waiting for her to call me this morning to discuss a course of action but I don't know if she will be able to help. Guess i'll just have to wait and see.

I didn't take my daughter to school today. I got myself into such a state about it last night that I was still wide awake at 2am so I eventually admitted defeat and switched my alarm clock off. I know I can't keep her off school every day but I just didn't know what else to do today. I'd got myself into such a state that i'm not sure I could have managed to drop her off, let alone pick her up. I'm already getting myself into a state about tomorrows school run too.