I am sorry to hear about your problems but actually, they are her problems, it is her loss, you have your son, yes, you have the scars but they will heal, you deserve better then that, that guy surely cannot have much respect for her after what she did to you, you can hold your head high, it is not your fault, you gave her everything and she took advantage of you. It is time to move on. When you are ready and are not just on the rebound you will meet someone that will treat you like you deserve to be treated and then you will be happy although you will never forget her you will find that it will be easier to let her go.
My feeling is the only way to get over one especially when they have treated you bad is to meet someome that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Good luck!

Sandy I was on the phone with my sister when you replied .
I read what I wrote to her. Then read your reply to her .
She really likes your thaughts so do I .
Thank you for your help so much it means allot to me.
This whle rollercoaster ride is to much to take at times .
And im not sure how I really feel half the time .
All I know is I love my son and want he best for him.
My wife hooked up with a guy thats makes as much as both of us did together.
And now I reduced to barely making it I just want to be sure this is right for my son I think it is .Because his whole family is here for him except his mother . My inlaws have been very supportive and still want me around .
Ahhh well I need to get my mind on the road to the future ill probably write back again as im sure ill need advice and thank you so much for yours thank you very much

Is the stang under your name or hers?I would cancel the account the money comes from if your the one paying for it.She doesnt deserve something you bought.I am happy you are staying strong for your son, and I know you will find someone much better than her.In the end,i think she will be the one who gets screwed!Stay strong!

Your son is lucky to have a father like you... Who thinks of him first. (not saying that's not how it should happen, just that it's not how it really does happen sometimes.)

anyway, I think sandy said it pretty well, but I wanted to tell you my heart goes out to you, but I think you will be just fine. I also wanted to tell you to, please, not try and compare your wife to other women you are sure to eventually meet. A lot of people who are cheated on and devastated like that are sure it's going to happen again and ruin other relationships out of paranoia. I know it might be hard, but you will have to go into new relationships with a clean slate. Trust again. Don't give her the satisfaction of causing that long-term damage to you. She's not worth it.

Good luck. You are a kind and caring man who deserves and will surely have a rewarding life.

Get child support!

Thanks again for the support my lawyer has advised on not closing any accounts until after the first hearing .
We are asking for my son for my home child support spousel support her retirement and that she pay half the debts (second mortgage and her car)
if all this comes thru I should be able to make it comfortably and still be able to remodel the house.
I will never compare her to another woman and will definetly keep my eyes wide open.
I ill never take the verbal abuse again and the constant stomping down of my self esteem.
When the only reason she did this was to make herself feel better because something is missing inside her.
And no one can fill that void for her she needs therapy.
So now that her verbal abuse doesnt matter I have to listen to her call me threatining to suicide if she doesnt get our son .
I try to talk her through it (cause er bf just gets mad at her ) what a loser cant even try to comfort her they deserve eachother two shallow self serving people.
Now shes po'd at her family and will not speak to them because they want to associate with me.
Im not even worried about finding another woman I think it would just complicate my life and cloud my judgement maybe later tho but not for awhile.
I want my son to have a better life than I did I was the product of a broken home too.
My mother did the same thing to my father she got custody and bounced from man to man and they were always more important thats not happening to my son.
My father was alienated and in pain he didnt know how to act and went through therapy for years.
At the age of 28 we finally learned how to speak to eachother again and have both realised how much we have missed in our lives .
My mother was so messed up she left me with a bf and moved out when I was 12 fortunatly my older sister was married and had a home she took me in I thank god for her.
So now I haved stopped drinking (that was just to numb the pain)
only drank 3 beers a day anyway.
Have been losing weight and trying to get back into the shape I was in when I met her.
Its going well so far
and getting better everyday once again thank you for your support
and I will keep you posted on what happens in the near future

thanks again brako

Im happy we could help you.Please keep us posted on what happens,i would really like to know! Good luck with it

Wow the after effects stink im happy one minute confused the next then breaking down and crying like a wuss.
Usually after I see her .
She came and got our son yesterday to be with him for the evening and today.
She stayed for about 45 mins and we were both nice.
She told me the new bf is wanting to buy a new house(and he told her nothing would be in her name) she then told me good that way when I leave him I wont have to go thru all this crap.
I dunno she sounds really messed in the head.
She also also stopped in this morning with my son and hung around for awhile .
My son is acting out badly around her I had to call her dads 3 times last night to calm him down and tell him to listen to her.
But I got to drive her mustang to the store today (her dad still has my jeep)
i have been hanging around with her younger sister shes 22 and going out as friends.
And my stbx thinks we are an item but I let her know we werent
but her sister and I have always been tight whenever she needed someone to talk to who wouldnt judge her and would listen she came to me.
It is nice to see the stbx jealous tho lol
she complimented me saturday telling me how good I looked
and asked if I colored my hair (i wont color my hair)
im naturally salt and pepper on the sides my hair is almost millitary short and spiked so you really dont see the gray (i think it looks good )
but my confidence isnt shaken either I know im still in the game thanks to her little sister getting me out of the house and meeting people (of course they are all younger than me but we have fun)
before I never even looked to see if anyone else was checkin me out but now im starting to notice and it feels good!
Anyway I beter go cyas my court date is the 22cnd of this month it cant come fast enough be well all!

Sounds like things are going ok for right now,except for with your son. It does sound like your x is messed up in the head if she makes comments about leaving her new man in the future.Now you know it was nothing you did wrong. I would becareful with her complimenting you though,she might try to come back to you after all she has done.It's up to you whether you take her back but just remember what she did to you and your son before you make any decision if it swings your way.I am also very pleased to hear you are going out and meeting new people,that I think is one of the best things you could do for yourself. Kepp the post up about how things are!

Christ I dont know how I feel now let alone if she does that .
I wil have to tell her no tho and its going to hurt me more.
Christ this isnt easy wish I was cheating on her .
I want the bes for my son and a family would be best but I dont think she knows how to do it.
Her dad is now getiing ready to move in with me as his gf is dying.
(cancer and heart problems) I just dont know what to do everyday is a kick in the balls .
I do love her family tho they are good people just not sure what to do.
Christ maybe I need a head doc
anyways thanks for the help all keepin me from goin nutz
brako

First of all thanx for the advice you gave me and secondly I really feel for you on this one...If I was you I wouldnt take her back, not even for the sake of your son.

My dad cheated on my mum a few times...And they stayed together for the sake of me and my brother and sister. My parents were miserable for years but just put up with each other. I have found that the way my parents were has reflected in my own relationships! Your son looks upto you as a roll model. And kids learn how life and relationships should be from their parents.

You sound like your too forgiving. She has broken your heart twice now. You deserve so much more than that! I can understand how you feel so torn though...Its hard to know if your making the right decission!

Well today we had the temporary orders set up
i have custody!!!
I have to drive my son to richmond ind once a month meeting her halfway to indianapolis so he can spend one weekend there
then she may visit 2 sundays a month here in our town.
Also getting child support 460 a month
so now we just have the main hearing I guess where my lawyer will ask for spousel support
anyway im happy with it so far
thanks for all of your kindness and support


brako

Good lord, don't take that woman back!!! The only reason she would be coming back would be because she started feeling scared. Don't fall for it! A woman who loves her husband and understands what marriage and commitment mean, do not have affairs and then leave! And how could a mother abandon her little son? I'll tell you how! She can do it because she really only thinks of her own desires! A good mother always thinks of what is best for her child. It seems your wife was only thinking about what was best for her sex life!! I am so sorry to hear about your father's ill health. You must feel so overwhelmed! But please don't despair! Stay strong! Ask for help when you need it. There are a lot of resources out there that can help you. Open the yellow pages! Make some calls! I know you must be feeling so depressed, but please stop dating and focus on your son right now. It is going to take a really strong man and devoted father to help your son get over his mother's abandonment! He deserves at least one parent's full attention. Sorry if I sound harsh but you picked that woman to be the mother of your child and now you have to make it up to your son. Don't you wish someone had done that for you when you were a little, sad, abandoned boy? I do know what I am talking about. I wish someone had done that for me.

Torso queen the only reason I went out was at the time my wife had my son .
I couldnt be in the house alone .
But now that we actually have things written down I feel okay.
When hes at home he is all that matters.
When hes gone which thankfully will only be one weekend a month I will make damn sure im available to him(cell phone on high)
i have to be available last time he went there (to his mothers)
i had to call him 3 times to settle him down (he will not listen to his mother)
she never gave a mothers attention to him she would buy gifts and let him run till it made her nuts.
Shes not his mother she is his problem.
The wifes b/f even called my sis inlaw to ask what I do to settles him down.
Just pay attention dont try to divert their attention to a new toy or game
my wife used to let my son run rampant!
I was not allowed to parent my child without a fight or divorce threat.
My son actually stabbed his cousin while my wife was watching them .
But yet when shes not around his grades go up and hes a damn angel
i do not have to raise my voice to my son we respect eachother.
Well to actually make a point here my son does come first
and he always will .
I have already asked him that if I meet someone I want his honest opinion
if they are right or not
but its gonna be a long while im not ready yet (thats why I am glad I dated a couple of times)
anyway I gotta go gotta work at 3:30 in the am
thank s a bunch and if you think im still mese up let me know
cyas brako

Brako- no I do not think you are messed up!! You sound like you have very good instincts on parenting, actually. I didn't mean to jump right down your throat but you wife sounds so scary to me! I'm not going to lie- i'd be scared to death when your boy had to go visit his mother if I were you. Thank god your son has one good parent!
I take it back, brako. There is actually one area of your personality that maybe you should give some serious thought to. People who date or marry people like your wife do it because they don't think very highly of themselves. They don't think they deserve someone who treats them well. Maybe just give some thought to why you picked someone as unstable and self-involved as your wife. By the way, in case you haven't figured this part out, your wife picked you because she knew that she could walk on you and treat you like s##t! But not anymore and never again, right brako? Not with her or anyone even remotely like her!
Be strong! Your life sounds incredibly difficult and challenging right now. When you are feeling low, just think of how happy and safe your son feels when he is with his daddy!