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Q: So Confused....

asked by: matthieusmom on March 1st, 2006

Experienced User

First of all i'm 18 yrs old. My problem is that after 20 yrs my dad wants to divorce my mom. I mean I don't know what to do he has alway been there for us. He has always been close to me, my brother, my sis and of course my mom. And he is just giving all of that up I mean I don't know what to think of him anymore. We asked him if there was another woman and he said no, not yet. My whole thing is why is he just giving all of this up he has a grandson that worships the ground he walks on. My mom has never done him wrong and ves versa, well up til now. I just don't know how i'm going to deal with it after 18 yrs of having my dad at my side all of a sudden he's not going to be there anymore. He has been doing shut downs for bout five yrs now up in indiana, and now that is where he is moving to, we live in mississippi. I just don't know what to do, I mean I know I love him but right now I just feel like I hate him at the same time for what he is doing to us it's just now fair. I mean he make me think twice about whether or not I want to get married in a yr. Okay so my thing is, is there anything I can do to calm down and see where he is coming from and everything??? I just need advice on what to do and everything, anything will help right now b/c I never new I would be going through this so any advice please give me?????

Replies(10)

Melissa_20

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Well,why are they splitting up? The thing is,if one of your paretns fell out of love there is nothing that can be done to fix the situation.Think of yourself being married and you weren't in love with them anymore,would you rather stay in the relationship and be miserable or leave on a nicer note so you may still salvage what you have to possibly be friends.You just have to put yourself in your fathers shoes.Oh,and just bc this happened to your parents,does not mean it will happen to you!

matthieusmom

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Experienced User

My dad said it was money, so I really don't know b/c he just bought a new truck. I'm just confused. I know, that no one would want to be stuck in a relationship if one didn't love the other person I understand that, some what. What I don't understand is y is he throwing away his relationship with his kids??? He was so close to us and now nothing he won't even call us when he promises to. I mean he called me last friday only b/c it was my birthday, and before that I couldn't tell u the last time I talked to him. It's just depressing that he is throwing everything away. He has always got whatever he wanted when he wanted it. I just don't know. I know just b/c this is happing to my parents doesn't mean this is going to happen to me, I mean I love my b/f with all my heart and I want to be with him and he wants the same, but I mean u cant help but think whether or not that may be you someday going through this.

Melissa_20

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I know what you mean,sometimes when pepole make a big decision such as divorce all they see is their life going down the drain and they just let go of everything.Its either that or he took it upon himself not to be responsible anymore.Only he knows the true reason of why he is doing this.Have you told him how you feel?

matthieusmom

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Experienced User

No I havent told him how I felt b/c like I said he hasnt' called us, it's like he dont' want anything to do with us anymore it's just depressing. I mean I guess he still loves us, considering he hasn't told us that in over a year. He has been really distant since his dad died last dec. 04. So I don't know what going on with him I just wish I knew something. I mean all I know is that he told us that he wasnt' comeing home. Maybe once before april and then probably never again. So I mean I don't know what to do. I mean I really wanted him to be there when I got married, that was always my dream to have my dad walk me down the isle. I mean that's a year from now and alot can change in that time so I wish he would just reliaze what he is doing to his children and his grandson

Melissa_20

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Weel,next time he calls tell him exactly how you feel,even about him walking you down the isle.He needs to know and it will make you feel better.Since you said his father passed away,maybe he feels that if you lose him now it wont be so bad when he dies.I don't know but I think you really need to bring this to his attention next time and see what he has to say.Tell him you want strait answers,no bull,and don't forget to tell him no matter what you will always love him and it will continue to hurt you until the problem is solved! Don't you have his phone #?

matthieusmom

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Experienced User

Yeah we have his phone number but every time we call him, he acts like he doesn't want to talk to us and it makes me feel like he dont love me. I mean last friday when he called to tell me happy birthday he sounded very happy and everything so I just don't know. I want him to be happy but I don't want him to make everyone else miserable at the same time. I know i'm 18 and have a son and should be mature about everything that is going on, I mean I am but like I said before it's really depressing and I just don't want to go back to that stage where I was at before. I mean about five years ago I used to be really depressed on medicine and everything I slowly got out of it when I met brandon ( my b/f) and know i'm just scared i'll be that way again. I want to move out just to get away from it all but i'm scared that my mom will be mad at me. And I don't want her mad at me b/c she has always been there for me when no one else was and I just don't know what she would think about that. I mean staying in the house is soooo stressful, I just want away from the stress and everything but I also know that is that the way to handle the problem. I'm just confused and I guess I need to go see a therpist however u spell.

Melissa_20

replied on March 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Girl,i think you are being mature.Your taking it how you should take it,you have been hurt by your father so you have every right to act on it. So when you call your father he does answer the phone? What does he say?Just call him and if he acts like he doesn;t want to talk to you let it rip! Just spill the beans,and if he says he's to busy ask him why is always too busy for his child/grandchild?And keep going on what you feel.That is the only way I can see you getting a word in,you have to make his listen.I promise,even though it will still hurt you will feel so much better after unloading it all! Please if you do it,tell me what happens?!?!

matthieusmom

replied on March 5th, 2006

Experienced User

Thought I would let u know that I have not talked to him simplely b/c he will not answer his cell phone. We have called him numerous of times and no answer or no phone call back. I mean it really ticks me off b/c my sis has to have surgrey this coming up friday to get the rest of what could be cancer in her foot and he hasn't called it's like he don't care about us anymore. I mean I don't know what to think about him anymore.

matthieusmom

replied on March 7th, 2006

Experienced User

Well we finally talked to our dad sunday night. We didn't get to talk long but we talked. He is suppost to come home this weekend to see us and to get the rest of his stuff I guess. My thing is now, I don't know if I can stand to see him leave for the fact that I know he won't be back home. I'm dying to see him, cause of course I love him, but I just don't know what to do when he leaves cause for the simple fact I don't want him too. I guess we will see what happens this w/e.

sandyallen

replied on March 7th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

No body wants to see there mother and father separate, I am no Dr. But it sounds like he(your dad) might have some problems after loosing his dad. The main thing is is to hang in there. Did you ask him about walking you down the isle? Sometimes people needs space after a loss of a family member, I have seen people that love each other for thirty plus and wake up one morning and say they do not love each other anymore. It is very difficult, it is not yor fault or your brother or sisters fault or your mom's fault, it is something that happens beyond our control!
Your dad still loves you, my dad loved me but he was the type that never expressed his feelings, just like his dad. Your dad just needs time and it is his loss, not yours, he is the one that is missing out on his family all we can do is hope that he can come to grips with his problems.
My thoughts are with you and your family, call him and ask him about visiting him and try to have a heart to heart talk with him!

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