I am getting ready to turn eighteen years old. Almost two years ago I meet this guy through friends and we started dating the beginning of spetember 04'. Everything was perfect with us, we spent all out time together, we had fun, we were like best friends as well as boyfriend and girlfriend. He even bought me an engagment ring that I never got. Any way, the beginning of last year we started fighting a lot ver stupid crap for no reason. He wasn't an angel but I do admit that I started to take him for granted and forgot all about why we were together at all, which was because we were in love. For me and him we were each others first love. He called one day out of the blue and broke up with me because he said we were fighting too much and we needed time apart. I took it so hard that I had to be rushed to the emergency room because I overdosed on pills and about died. I moved out of my dads house in with my mom and would not get out of bed for almost 3 months. I was miserable.

Anyway I started coming back around and trying to hang out with friends some this past july and I was doing ok, although I missed him a lot. This past september me and him started talking again and in october we started dating again. I was so happy and I was determined to do things better this time. We only dated about a month and a half when he hold me to go to his house one day and when I got there he told me we needed to talk. He said that he still loves me with all his heart but it flet different betwenn us this time and that he had so much goin on now that it wasnt going to work.

I knew god was with me that day because I didn't even cry although I could feel my heart breaking all over again. I agreed with him about thigs feeling different, I mean I know no matter what happens with me and him things will never be the same as it was in the beginning.

Anyway, I stopped calling him and stuff, but he still calls me and we talk and still see each other at least once every week or two. And everytime we spend time together we act like were dating. But what I have no told him is that it is killing me not to be his girlfriend. I love him with everything inside of me. I miss him so much, I don't even think about any other guy. Everytime a guy asks me out I say no because it ain't him. He does not have another girlfriend, he says he wont be ready for that for a long time. But everyday I cry and miss him, and I can't see myself with someone else. It's like something is telling me to not let go. I just don't know what to do anymore, it is literally starting to kill me. My appetite has changed, I stay stressed out and I don't know how to fix this. Please help!!!