Its good that you have that safety net up but you only get 1 life to live. Im not saying have sex with him but explore your options. Girl we all use to do that at one point fake like its good just to have someone hold you at night or just to get close. Follow your instincts when you meet the right guy he will work really hard to break that safety net and if no one else is really trying to break it leave it up. And no more one night stands mami because they do come back to haunt you sometimes especially when you find someone you're happy with. Some people get that when they are raped or molested. Take your time honey don't rush sex you want to make love its so much better trust. I feel like this just date and kiss and maybe 2nd base. If he respects you he won't want to do it til your ready no rushing cuz then its back to faking it again. You want someone who adores the ground you walk on and wants nothing but the best. You deserve respect and when you get that and you trust that he is not using you for sex your net will go down.. Its just your body's way of protecting itself from being harmed. Good luck sweets your beautiful remember that always :d