Hi I am 19 years old and in my second year of my apprenticeship. 2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, I was so shocked but also in a way excited as i've always wanted a baby, and my initial instinct was to keep it. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 2 years and very supportive parents. When I told my mum she didnt make a big deal out of it she was more supportive than anything but my dad and my boyfriend on the other hand were really shocked and almost angry at me. Every since I can remember ive always been against having an abortion and if the conversation came up I would always say I would never do it. But as the days went on everyone kept telling me that it was only "cells" and it wasnt a baby and having it terminated would be the best thing for me and the baby. I didnt agree from day one but in the end after changing my mind 100 times I decided I would get the abortion to make everyone happy and so my bf n I could get on with our lives. My biggest fear was losing him so I made the appointment and went into the clinic yesterday morning. I was so scared and upset I barely spoke. I watched the screen when I had the ultra sound and immediately felt sick but I was too scared to change my mind. I ended up going through with the whole thing and yesterday I was almost relieved. But this morning I woke up feeling numb and instantly feeling guilty and angry at myself.
Its still too early for me to decide if it was the right thing to do or not but right now in my head im finding it really really difficult to come to terms with what I had done. I really hope this feeling goes away but I can say one thing for sure if I found out I was pregnant again I would not be even considering an abortion whether it means I lose everyone and anything, because I think if I did it again I couldnt live with myself.
Thanks for reading probably turns out as just a bunch of words that dont make sense but I needed to get it off my chest thanks :)