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Afraid of Being Alone... Anyone Else? (Page 1)

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Since I have been suffering from anxiety, about 6 months now, I have noticed an increased fear of being alone. Before my anxiety, I used to embrace alone time. I loved just having time to myself, but ever since anxiety has gotten ahold of me, I just can't stand it. I am 20 years old for heaven's sake! Of course my husband is my number 1 safe person. I can't stand it if he is somewhere where I can't get ahold of him. Does anyone else experience this? I keep trying to be rational with myself and figure out why I am don't want to be alone, and I can't figure out why. I have always been a very independent, strong willed person and I cannot for the life of me figure out why anxiety has such a strong grip on me and where the heck it came from??? I had only been married for about a month when I had my first panic attack and have been dealing with anxiety ever since. I only know that I have an intense fear of dying??? Is anyone else going through something like this? Thanks so much..
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First Helper scrdat20
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Experienced User
Oh my gosh I just read the story of my life! I'm also 20, just got married and the panic attacks started soon after. I used to love just being alone in a room and listening to music or doing whatever else. I also have the most intense fear of dying ever! I'm afraid that while i'm alone during the day, something is going to happen to me and there will be no one there to find me. I used to have so much fun, too, and enjoyed life, and now i'm just a big old basket case all the time! If my husband is home I feel at least 70% less anxious than during the day when he is not, so I always can't wait for the moment when he walks in the door. Maybe for me it's cuz we moved, also, and back home if I wanted to be around someone there was always someone to hang out with at any moment of the day, and here I don't know anyone so when I want to be around other people I can't and i'm so sick of being alone with my anxiety.
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replied April 5th, 2011
Anxiety when Im alone?
Hi Backhome, I wanted to tell you I read your blog here and started to cry. I go through the same thing daily. When my husband or son leaves the house I start to panic. I to am afraid of something happening and noone finding me. I know this is just a fear and Im safe, but how do you deal with it when it happens to you?
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Experienced User
Hello again.... Backhome, I am so glad I have someone like you to talk to. We seem to have a lot in common. I couldn't have stated my feelings better myself than what you just said. We also had just moved the about two weeks before I started having anxiety. I only moved about an hour away from the town where I grew up, so we still go home quite a bit on the weekends to hang out with friends still there, etc... And I have way less anxiety when I am there. Still though, my husband is really the only one who reduces my anxiety a lot. I could not agree with you more about having something happen to me and dying when I am alone. What do we do about this? I just don't understand why this has happened to me. I used to be the exact opposite, not scared of anything.... I got my pilot's license at age 18 and have flown thousands of miles by myself. I wish I could understand so as to better fight it. I am soo terrified that my husband (who is in the army) will get deployed to iraq or something and then what am I going to do? I wouldn't even be able to talk to him on the phone if I needed to. Maybe that is what I need though?? It will be really hard on me.... I don't even want to think about. I am starting to kind of get control over my anxiety right now, but this is the one battle that I still cannot seem to even start winning. Have you found anything that helps?
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replied October 29th, 2011
therapy
You have issues that are related most likely to something from your past, get therapy I did it works. Not a phsyciatrist but a therapy counselor this goes for everyone suffering from anxiety and abandonment issues remember it's in your head and it's confused that's all...
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Experienced User
I really haven't found anything that helps me except taking a small dose of xanax once in a while if I feel myself getting really freaked out. I really don't know what to do...I think I am going to try seeing a psychiatrist a few times and see if that helps any. But first i'm gonna go to the doc to make sure everything is okay with me physically. I'm pretty sure there's not physical problem behind it, I just wanna make sure so I can somewhat put my mind at ease. I don't know what else to do though...My husband and I have discussed having kids, that would give me someone to be with, but I don't know if in my state of mind that would make it worse or better to have a little baby around. I've also lately considered getting a puppy...Lol! It's not a person but it'd be something around to keep me occupied...I could talk to it like it's a real person or something...Lol! We moved from minnesota to florida, so i'm really far away from any friends or family. When we went home for christmas I had way less anxiety, and I have a feeling if we moved back altogether i'd be fine...But we can't cuz of my husband's job. So at the moment I don't know what to do really...I guess talk to a therapist first and i'll see how that works out! Ugh, I just don't wanna feel like this forever!
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replied February 24th, 2006
Experienced User
You know... A puppy is a really good idea. I had to leave my dog (whom I love more than anything) at home with my parents, as we bought a house in a neighborhood that we can't have dogs. Just seeing him when I go home for the weekends makes me so much happier and he does take my mind off of anxiety and anything else that is stressing me out. If you like dogs, it might be a wonderful way to fight anxiety. I know if works for me, I just wish he could be with me all the time. :) good luck with the therapist, let me know how that goes!
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replied March 15th, 2006
Sorry
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replied March 15th, 2006
Experienced User
Anxiety
Hello all, it does not hurt to talk to a therapist. Many years ago, I am 57 now, my husband and I had an auto accident in which a motorcycle hit our car. That night I woke up screaming just seeing the person and the helmet hit our window. I was diagnosed with post tramatic stress. I saw a therapist for one year and it helped tremendously. Seeing a therapist does not mean that you are crazy either, so don't let anyone tell you that. It does get better. I still occasional take paxil for sleep because I have had ms for 6 years and that is stressful enough. You both seem very young to be married, maybe marrying so young brought on the anxiety. Good luck to you :wink:
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replied December 26th, 2012
Fear to be alone
Anxiety, Fear to be alone.

I was diagnosed as a child and went through many therapies, some doctors loved to tell me I was cured. 24 years ago I was in 2 major car accidents and lost a child, at first I would not drive much less alone, then about 10 years ago I started driving but only when I had someone in the vehicle with me. I was not fortunate to afford therapy after the accident and have paid the price. Now at age 47, I have the reoccurance of the fear to be alone again. On medications for PTSD from the accident and valium for panic and anxiety attacks. I would give almost anything to be rid of this fear. I can't go out in public alone, I hate to be left alone, I am clinging to my spouse and children. The list goes on. So if anyone knows the sure cure please pass along. Good Luck to those who are just learning of this crippling fear.
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replied March 15th, 2006
Oh my god!....
I thought I was going mad, it is so hard to think that other people are going through the same thing as you....
I start freaking out when I am alone, it probably sounds pretty stupid... But I always think that someone is going to break in a kill me or something... And because I live in the middle of nowhere, nobody will ever find me.
I am afraid to go to sleep in case I never wake up.. And then where would I be?
Am I being silly? I really cant help it..
My father travels away alot, he is a business man, and has a business like mind! And he thinks I am being silly, and constantly reminds me too! He kinda makes me feel like I am going mad!
If I had a broken leg... Everybody would be able to see I am in pain, because they could see a big white cast around my leg.
But because I cant show what my mind is like, I cant explain my feelings to him because he doesnt understand them... He doesnt even try too.
Can anybody help me, help me to rationalize these thoughts?.. Please some one help me!
Do any of you feel so frightened that you become paralyzed with fear, when you really think something bad is going to happen? I get that every time I am alone. I always think some one is hiding in my house..
I think I need to stop writing before my mind starts imagining more crazy stuff...

Please if any one can advise me, or just reassure me and tell me everything is going to be okay!
I would appreciate it so so much.

Angel
:cry:
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replied March 16th, 2006
And Here I Thought I Was All Alone.....
As I read these few posts, I can't help but wonder why it is I have never looked for help on the net. You see, I am a perfectly healthy 33 year old man. I keep myself in perfect health and suffer from anxiety. A few years back, I was out with friends and had one too many red bulls/ vodkas and had a massive panic attack. At first I didn't know it was a panic attack, it just seemed that I couldn't catch my breath and suddenly, I had a huge pain in my chest and this incredible fear came over me. The first thoughts through my mind were that I was having a heart attack, so I said, ok god, this is it, I had a great ride, so I just sat on a bar stool and put my head down and prayed until I would die.

But there was one small problem, I didn't die, nor was I passing out. I realized that even though I must of had a heart beat of over 200!!! I was still alive. All I could think about was to run!!! Where I don't know, but I needed to get out of there? I convinced myself that I should look for my friends and have them take me to the hospital. When I found them, I couldn't talk and I was shaking like a leaf. My heart rate would not go down!!!! I was able to make it to the hospital and that is where I finally got my heart to calm down.

I tried to shake off the incident, but it wasn't that easy. I started to feel very nervous shortly thereafter. I found myself staying late at work just so I wouldn't have to go home and be alone. At the time, I had an awsome bachelor pad and I was doing great financially. However, when I was home, I kept fearing being alone. Especially at night. I kept thinking that I was going to die. It got so bad that I would wake up late at night and cry for no reason. One night I woke myself up around 2:30 a.M. With a really bad episode. I was so scared and nervous that I ended up calling my mother, who was 200 miles away! She asked me what was wrong and I couldn't explain what exactly was going on with me.

Well, it's now three years later and I still feel very afraid and very nervous. I just will myself through everday. One day at a time. No drugs, no therapy, just courage.....

I will say one thing, after having so many panic attacks and so much anxiety, even though it feels like you are going to die, you don't.

I just have to keep reminding myself that noone has ever died of a panic attack.
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replied March 17th, 2006
I am sorry that you are all feeling this but it does help me to know that others feel like this at times too. I too have always loved my alone time but I have recently become so scared of it that I would call my exfiance 10-15 times a day and I would not feel safe until she was home again. Which is funny to her because I weight 240 lift weights and know martial arts and she is only 105 lol, I ended up loosing her because of this and my overall inability to deal with life and I am now having to stay with my parent s bc I refuse to be alone at all. The depakote or abilify one is helpping because I can now be alone during the day but I still have horrible night terrors and cant be alone at night you might try a more permanant med than the xanax
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replied March 18th, 2006
Bigkahuna127,

can you tell me what was your first episode like. What causes your fear and what is it that you feel when your alone?
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replied March 21st, 2006
First Timer
Hello everyone,
i feel like I am going through fear of being alone for the first time. Well...It started last week when I found out there was a break in near by where I live. I too and married, and only feel comfortable when he is home. I can't tell if I have fear of being alone or I am just scared from the break in, but I have a lot of anxiety right now. I just wish this wasn't happening. I usually sleep in in the mornings and I can't sleep. I have a dog which helps my fear some, but am thinking about getting a security system...Am I nuts? We live in a safe neighborhood but I just wish I could convince my fear of that! I read all the above comments and am going to look into eft. It is just nice to know others are going through the same thing.....I wish no one was, but at least I know I am not crazy!
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replied March 21st, 2006
Experienced User
Hi foba5:

i am the one who originally posted this topic, and since then I have relieved almost all of my anxiety except for this. My husband had to go somewhere last night and I was alone, and it still scared me. I just tried to keep myself busy so I didn't think about it. The strange thing is that I live in one of the safest quietest little towns in this country. I moved back here after living in phoenix, arizona, which is the complete opposite, wasn't scared at all then even though I can think of times now when I definitely should have been. It helps a lot to have a dog for me too. But like I said, the only relief I have when I am alone and scared is to keep busy and keep my mind off of it. Sometimes my imagination gets the best of me. I just hope that I can beat this soon. My husband is in the army and I don't know what i'll do if he has to go to iraq or somewhere... Thats going to be tough... Anyways, welcome, I hope it like it here in the forum, its a great place to talk to people experiencing the same things. Have a good one.
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replied March 22nd, 2006
I dont mind sharing it via email but I would rather not post it since I am new to this site and I dont know the rules on posting here.

Just shoot me an email and let me know it is you and what you were wanting me to talk about and I will share it all with you I am actually looking for some email buddies if you would have any interest in chatting a couple of times a week and helping each other grow and over come their problems anyone is welcome to shoot me an email, I need lot s of help myself but I am working on my masters in counseling so I would like to learn from others and learn how other people have overcome their problems
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replied August 20th, 2007
I Am Afaraid to Be Alone I Always Want My Husband Around
Confused this started on wensday last week i was fine all day then all of a sudden as i was getting ready for bed ai got scared just really scared then a tought came to my head what if i die what will happen to my kids i wont be around to protect them and my husband wont know i died till he gets home he works 3 shift so i started feeling like i was getting a heart attack then my stomach started to hurt so i vomited and had really bad vm and i just felt like running like just running for ever i felt dizzy but my head felt cloudy my hands were cold and so were my feet boy was i scared . and my husband came home that night and has been home with me since for 4 days but tomorrow tuesday he goes back to working nites and well i afaraid to be alone yes i have my kids but in my heart i want him i feel like if anything happens he wont be here to save me and my kids will be left alone my kids are my life i live for them and only them. My husbang got up to go to work this morning and i had a lil axiety attack but i talked to myself i convunced my self that i had to be ok for the kids and i eventually fell back asleep but it is scary because i am suppose to be me and me is a woman who is never scared of nothing i enjoyed being alone my husband travels for work and i actually told hima while back that he needs to travel more and he said ok but know i want him home next to me i feel like a lil girl who wants her daddy all the tiome and i should not feel like that during the day i am okay come the night i am afraid to be alone to go to bed to sleep and never wake up that scares me so much.

Why ? what do you do ?
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replied August 31st, 2007
I really thought I was crazy I have been taking zanax for three weeks for anxiety. My family told me that I haven't been acting myself and I did feel really strange so I quit taking the zanax little did I know that my body had become addicted to them. I had seizures and was in the hosiptal for a week. The doctor told me that it was withdrawls that you have to slowly come down off zanax. FYI if you aren't out of your mind crazy please stay away from that VERY DANGEROUS drug!! Anyway since I have been home from the hospital I have started to feel more and more afraid of being alone. I know how silly this sounds but i will check the house fifteen to twenty times until my boyfriend gets home from work. Under beds in closets and behide the shower curtain how insane is this? When I hear the house pop I will freeze in fear for a few seconds and then I get the nerve to go check it out. Could someone please tell me what the heck is going on?

Please Help!!!
Melanie
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User Profile
replied September 18th, 2007
I can relate to every single one of you! None of us are alone, its such a deserved relief for us all.

My parents went on holiday for a week the other week, and it was hellish. I just live with them and they left me home alone, getting around and getting to college was horrific i was always a mess. I just feared dying whilst I was alone, and having no help and believing my body was going into complications constantly. My worst paranoia is having a heart attack. I still get paranoid about having a heart attack when im with people, but 10 times worse when im alone. Part of me just wants to live so bad, I get such such intense fear of passing away right now... I check my pulse ALL the time... and if i think in my own medically unqualified oppinion it sounds ok I do relax abit. Otherwise, if I think its fast or weak etc my heart sinks... anxiety builds and builds until im paralised.

I go to the doctors frequently to check my heart and they always say its fine. I would like more tests done to prove to myself everythings fine but thats easier said then done with my anxiety record and young age.
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replied December 11th, 2007
Separation Anxiety
I have always had this irrational fear, and it started with my first relationship. We lived together in college and whenever we had to separate for the summers, I would get these massive panic attacks that lasted for weeks.

Now, 23 years later, I still have them. My current girlfriend and I had been living together for about 9 months and it wasn't working out. She thought it would be better for us live apart and I agreed. I felt fine with the decision at the time. But since she has moved out I have had one panic attack after another.

I had to leave work early today because I couldn't stop crying, and it was all because she said she was going to be gone over the Christmas holidays for 8 days. I went into an utter panic.
I've been calling my psychiatrist and can't get a return call and I don't know what to do.
Since my girlfriend moved out I have not slept more than 3 hours a night unless we stayed together. In that time too I have lost about 10 pounds because I can't eat. If I try, I get extremely nauseous and almost vomit.

I don't really understand why I can't be normal. Most people wouldn't fall completely apart if they and their significant other moved into different spaces. I have no idea what to do.

I find myself wanting to hit things. I have a punching bag that I'll hit when I feel this way, but sometimes one little thing will set me off and I'll catch myself right before I put my fist through my window.

If I ever get this resolved, I'll let you know.

Before this current girlfriend and I moved in together, I had lived alone, happily, for 2 years. No relationship, no problem. I do wonder sometimes if I might have picked up this behavior from my Mother, who had similar attckes when my Father would leave on business.

All I know is this can't continue. I'm know I'm not going to die - I don't have THAT particular fear, it's more of a fear of actually being alone to deal with the stuff in my head.

I alos think that this episode is lasting longer because the girl and I aren't breaking up. If we weren't speaking, it may go away quicker, but knowing she's 3 miles away and sleeping is hard.

And it's not that I think she's going to cheat on me. So with all that said, I have no earthly idea where all this is coming from.
Thanks for listening.
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replied January 25th, 2008
Anxiety
Hi Everyone,

I was wondering if anyone had some good suggestions for combating anxiety? I don't want to take any medications..
I am married as well and live in another country from my family and friends.. but I have lived in this situation for more than 4 years... and just recently I've been getting more nervous. My husband is leaving for 3 nights and I couldn't control my emotions. I also just turned 24. Is this normal?
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replied February 5th, 2012
Hi, Chocolaterie,it is year 2012 now, I was just wondering if you are still fighting with your anxiety issues. I have married for 29 years, and spent the last 21 years away from my husband, I am here in the U.S. with my 3 children and my husband is working in Asia.
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replied January 25th, 2008
Re: Separation Anxiety
inkkey wrote:
I have always had this irrational fear, and it started with my first relationship. We lived together in college and whenever we had to separate for the summers, I would get these massive panic attacks that lasted for weeks.

Now, 23 years later, I still have them. My current girlfriend and I had been living together for about 9 months and it wasn't working out. She thought it would be better for us live apart and I agreed. I felt fine with the decision at the time. But since she has moved out I have had one panic attack after another.

I had to leave work early today because I couldn't stop crying, and it was all because she said she was going to be gone over the Christmas holidays for 8 days. I went into an utter panic.
I've been calling my psychiatrist and can't get a return call and I don't know what to do.
Since my girlfriend moved out I have not slept more than 3 hours a night unless we stayed together. In that time too I have lost about 10 pounds because I can't eat. If I try, I get extremely nauseous and almost vomit.

I don't really understand why I can't be normal. Most people wouldn't fall completely apart if they and their significant other moved into different spaces. I have no idea what to do.

I find myself wanting to hit things. I have a punching bag that I'll hit when I feel this way, but sometimes one little thing will set me off and I'll catch myself right before I put my fist through my window.

If I ever get this resolved, I'll let you know.

Before this current girlfriend and I moved in together, I had lived alone, happily, for 2 years. No relationship, no problem. I do wonder sometimes if I might have picked up this behavior from my Mother, who had similar attckes when my Father would leave on business.

All I know is this can't continue. I'm know I'm not going to die - I don't have THAT particular fear, it's more of a fear of actually being alone to deal with the stuff in my head.

I alos think that this episode is lasting longer because the girl and I aren't breaking up. If we weren't speaking, it may go away quicker, but knowing she's 3 miles away and sleeping is hard.

And it's not that I think she's going to cheat on me. So with all that said, I have no earthly idea where all this is coming from.
Thanks for listening.


I think it's the fear of the unknown. Interestingly I'm taking a class that says we communicate primarily to reduce uncertainty. When someone isn't accessible (nearby) how can you communicate with ease?
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