|I have always had this irrational fear, and it started with my first relationship. We lived together in college and whenever we had to separate for the summers, I would get these massive panic attacks that lasted for weeks.
Now, 23 years later, I still have them. My current girlfriend and I had been living together for about 9 months and it wasn't working out. She thought it would be better for us live apart and I agreed. I felt fine with the decision at the time. But since she has moved out I have had one panic attack after another.
I had to leave work early today because I couldn't stop crying, and it was all because she said she was going to be gone over the Christmas holidays for 8 days. I went into an utter panic.
I've been calling my psychiatrist and can't get a return call and I don't know what to do.
Since my girlfriend moved out I have not slept more than 3 hours a night unless we stayed together. In that time too I have lost about 10 pounds because I can't eat. If I try, I get extremely nauseous and almost vomit.
I don't really understand why I can't be normal. Most people wouldn't fall completely apart if they and their significant other moved into different spaces. I have no idea what to do.
I find myself wanting to hit things. I have a punching bag that I'll hit when I feel this way, but sometimes one little thing will set me off and I'll catch myself right before I put my fist through my window.
If I ever get this resolved, I'll let you know.
Before this current girlfriend and I moved in together, I had lived alone, happily, for 2 years. No relationship, no problem. I do wonder sometimes if I might have picked up this behavior from my Mother, who had similar attckes when my Father would leave on business.
All I know is this can't continue. I'm know I'm not going to die - I don't have THAT particular fear, it's more of a fear of actually being alone to deal with the stuff in my head.
I alos think that this episode is lasting longer because the girl and I aren't breaking up. If we weren't speaking, it may go away quicker, but knowing she's 3 miles away and sleeping is hard.
And it's not that I think she's going to cheat on me. So with all that said, I have no earthly idea where all this is coming from.
Thanks for listening.