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Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum > My Wife Lies About Huge Things
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Q: My Wife Lies About Huge Things
asked by: OhioMarriedGuy on February 16th, 2006
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Someone please give me some advice. My family gives me advice, but they have been hurt by her too, so I blow them off. Unfortunately, I can't blow this all off anymore and I need some help. It's a long story but i'll try to shorten it. It all started what I thought was innocently when I first started dating my wife. She would make promises about things that really meant nothing...Things that I think she was just trying to make me happy about. Small financial stuff, sexual stuff, etc. That led to what I think was her stealing a friend of her's credit card to buy christmas presents, and told me that the friend (an older lady) told her to use it as payment for all of the errands she had done for her, etc. Nothing came of that, but i'm not sure her friend would ever press charges, but I know they fought about it.
Then she told me that her uncle was working over seas (i had never met him) and that he had a classic corvette that he didn't want to sit in storage anymore and that he was giving it to me...Obviously I never got it, but she did get me to believe it and even started looking for a heated garage for it. At the same time, she also said that her grandmother was giving her an inheritance early so we could get a good start on our new lives. It was supposedly over $800,000.00 and had me sign a contract and pay $500.00 contract fee on a piece of land, sign a contract with a home builder and pay $250.00 to have the water and soil testing done on the land. She also had me sign a contract on a new truck and order a new car for her as well as told my sister she'd buy her a new van and had her sign paperwork on it. This was all done at the local dealership in a very small town. We would have been apprehensive, but she had what she said were account numbers and even had the bank that the wire transfer was suppose to go to. When it never came she said that her aunt talked her grandmother out of doing it.
Things like this were numerous including having me drive oaver 1200 miles twice to get the money only to miss the correct person at the bank and having to be back home to go to work. I ended up losing my job, had my car repossessed because she never made the payments that she was supposed to drop off for me. She even lied about a bank account that didn't exist and said she was suing the bank for closing the account without permission...She said she won the court case, but of course never got any money from it.
All of this stuff she still won't own up to. The only thing she has owned up to is when we seperated last year. She called me and said she found out she was pregnant with my child. I divorced my first wife because she told me after a few years of marriage that she changed her mind and didn't want children, so she knew how I felt about having a family. She moved back home and started gaining weight, etc and had my whole family believing she was pregnant. They even had a "couples" shower for her and had all of my friends there. She never went into labor, but had a date and time set up to go in for induction. I found out by the nurse at the hospital that she had a miscarriage several months earlier. It was right at the time that had it been my baby, it should have had to have a death certificate, etc. She admitted that she knew she lost the baby but that's all. She just said that wanted it so bad that she didn't know how to handle it so she pretended it was ok.
I know I have rambled on and on, but wanted to get the point across of the severity of her lies. There have obviously been other things as well. Someone please tell me if you've ever heard of anything like this or if you've gone through it and what you did. :cry:
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jennys11
replied on February 20th, 2006
Experienced User
First off; is this the way you want to live? You only have one life and you are in a web of "insanity" I think you are making excuses and putting her to all the blame but you, too, are to blame. It's time to point the finger at yourself I mean the lies started early but we blind ourselves with thinking that just maybe they are telling the truth. The victim dance gets old to people around you. It's time to fuss up about her and the really horrible lies she has told you. It's not even funny but in a way evil.

I was once in a horrible relationship-the lies, his mood swings-to this day I can't really talk about it. One day after he did something terrible I said that's it. I just walked away. It's been four years and since then I have lived in chicago-won best actress for a theater show I did. I have met some incredible people and have felt this wave of darkness lift off my shoulders.

Life is to short for this. Before you know it-it's over. This woman has problems out of your control. It's time to look in the mirror and reclaim your life back! Now!
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OhioMarriedGuy
replied on February 20th, 2006
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to Jennys11
Thank you! That certainly puts things in perspective. I think it was somewhat of a "slap in the face" too, because nobody has ever put it that way before. I have heard everything about how "strong" I am, and how I am so "caring", etc...But how strong am I really when I know deep down what I should do but can't do it? And how much do I care if I feel that way but haven't acted on it? I tend to try to make things easier on everyone and that's not fair to her or to me. She has two little boys that I care for and love very much and that makes things difficult too.
At what point did you say "enough is enough"? I live in a very small town and it's where i'm originally from so I don't plan on leaving. She has no family nearby and really has nowhere to go...But as you can see..I'm already starting to make excuses. :( I would love to hear more about your situation and how you came to the decision to get away and improve yourself.
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jennys11
replied on February 21st, 2006
Experienced User
I'm glad you wrote back. I tend to put things how I see them but that comes through experience.

Well I met him at work and thought he was this beautiful creature. He was so to himself that I found that a breath of fresh air (little did I know I would choke on that air) right from the beginning there were cracks (he would disappear and re-appear the next day) I would feel such despair for a person I knew nothing about.
He was friends with these girls at work and a year and half later I found out that he told them I was stalking him. Some guy,right? He had such moods and would change from day to day. I soon realized that we spoke so terribly to one another-no love in either tone but I thought I could never live without him. I cried everyday (i was so pleasant to be around)

i lost sleep, friends and my respect. I became so weak and full of excuses. It happened on night-i could tell he had a crush on my friend. I remember the night so clear. It was really dark and I could only see his shadow. He was lying about going home and sleeping but I knew better-probably going to her house. Lies. Went home and sat outside and really thought about my life and how it changed. How did it get so bad?...Because I allowed it to. Me! During the last year this guy didn't work and had no problem holding his hand out for money...I woke up and this fog that surrounded me was lifted. I left him a message telling him never to call me again. I had enough.

I saw him drive by my house but it didn't matter-i was gone to a happier place. I haven't cried that hard anymore..At least for a guy. I now feel a certain saddness that I allowed myself to be controlled for that long. I wasted so much time.

Soon after I met some great people and did things that I loved.

I understand she has two boys but it is all so unhealthy-i use to feel as though I was chained to the floor in the ocean-drowning...Sad that we permit ourselves to feel that...How easy it is to lift ourselves out of that mess...Time will tell..The first step is always the hardest but it gets easier after that
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Melissa_20
replied on February 28th, 2006
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I know a guy who lies like that.He claims to have 14 million dollars in england but can't get it here.He also claims he owns an escaladethat is all tricked out but no one has ever seen it.He said he has a mansion but he lives in an apartment.He tells big lies too.I believed him at first but after a while a caught on to it and I started calling him out in front of people and he would be embarassed.He still does it but not to the extent he use to.I think a relationship based on lies in nothing but that,a big lie.
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OhioMarriedGuy
replied on February 28th, 2006
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melissa_20 wrote:
i know a guy who lies like that.He claims to have 14 million dollars in england but can't get it here.He also claims he owns an escaladethat is all tricked out but no one has ever seen it.He said he has a mansion but he lives in an apartment.He tells big lies too.I believed him at first but after a while a caught on to it and I started calling him out in front of people and he would be embarassed.He still does it but not to the extent he use to.I think a relationship based on lies in nothing but that,a big lie.


did you date this guy or just a friend? I realize now that I bought into it way too much, but now I have to figure out what to do. I realize that she has a major problem and I don't know that i'll ever be able to trust her. However, I really do love and care for her and hate to leave her all alone. I just wish there was an easy solution but there's not.
Has anyone ever known someone that had her problem and got over it and could live a normal life?
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Melissa_20
replied on February 28th, 2006
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I was going to date him.I was getting to know him for a while and slowly realized what he was all about and decided not to go with it.You know,i know you love your wife but she might never stop.You need to find out and ask her why she lies,but if you can't trust her there is nothing left.Trust is one of the big building blocks of a relationship and without that it will fall apart.Its like making a cake without the flour. . .You need to get counciling or there is really nothing you can do unless you want to live miserably with lies the rest of your life?At a point it will come to be that you love her but you just can't take it anymore
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fatfamily02
replied on February 28th, 2006
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Re: My Wife Lies About Huge Things
ohiomarriedguy wrote:
someone please give me some advice. My family gives me advice, but they have been hurt by her too, so I blow them off. Unfortunately, I can't blow this all off anymore and I need some help. It's a long story but i'll try to shorten it. It all started what I thought was innocently when I first started dating my wife. She would make promises about things that really meant nothing...Things that I think she was just trying to make me happy about. Small financial stuff, sexual stuff, etc. That led to what I think was her stealing a friend of her's credit card to buy christmas presents, and told me that the friend (an older lady) told her to use it as payment for all of the errands she had done for her, etc. Nothing came of that, but i'm not sure her friend would ever press charges, but I know they fought about it...........

....... Someone please tell me if you've ever heard of anything like this or if you've gone through it and what you did. :cry:


my husband is just like that. It is something about feeling inadequate(sp)--and over compensating by lying. He used to tell some really big whoppers. He owns a plane, owns a house that someone else lives in--and he got arrested for criminal trespassing on this property--that he owns. He owns a big piece of the arizona forest--this is still dont know if it is true---i mean he talks to his mom about that. He has impregnanted women 100 times and has kids by them. When I only know of 2 kids, with a district attorney in phoenix. His daughter "alisee"--google the name. And a diamond back player--brandon wells, is his son. He wrote to him during a time me and hubby were seperated--in chicago no less. Alisee was gonna send us tickets to go to her home in paris or somewhere like that.


I have called him out on a lot of them, some of them have just quit being an issue over time. But he still lies to everyone about everything. I used to worry about hurting him, I do not worry about that anymore---but I am still here. I dont know why--unless .God has a bigger plan than I know of. I have tried to leave. I mean even his family thinks--he just married me cuz he felt sorry for me, and my children are like urchins off the street to him.


Things have improved, I call him on the lying all the time. I just want for him to be honest with me--it is like he's afraid to be his true self, and it used to break my heart. I want all of him, and with this--i always know he is not truly given his whole self to me--ever. When he totally comes clean I will know. Or someday I will just get tired of it--and move on.


I have changed considerably about this too---it used to break my heart so bad--now it just offends me, or dont bother me at all--but I tell him about it, every time. But I still wish I could have all of him.


Good luck with this--
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sandyallen
replied on February 28th, 2006
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It is always sad in a way to meat or to know these kind of people as some of them do not realize what they are doing. To some it is a disease and they need professional help. When your wife was not telling the truth about the pregnancy, she might have been psycholologically in denial about the loss and their are others that lie for attention and just because they want to and it is difficult to say but I feel that with some what goes around, comes around or visa versa and for those others I do hope that they get the help that they need. This is just my opinion.
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Melissa_20
replied on February 28th, 2006
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Re: My Wife Lies About Huge Things
I don't understand how you guys can put up with it.That would drive me insane and I would want to leave them.I can't take people lying to me.

Fatfamily-why does his family think that of your marriage?Do you think he married you b/c of that?Why would he feel sorry for you?
[quote="fatfamily02"]
. . .I mean even his family thinks--he just married me cuz he felt sorry for me, and my children are like urchins off the street to him. . .Quote]
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fatfamily02
replied on February 28th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I dont know---i feel it is something stronger than me.

I was the one who absolutely hated a liar----could not stand anyone who would lie--and I met the greatest liar ever---and fell for him. I dont know ladies--and gents--i dont understand it. It is beyond me.
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erogers33
replied on February 28th, 2006
Experienced User
A lot of what sandyallen was saying is true -- it can be a disease in some cases. These "compulsive liars" truly begin to believe that their own lies are true. In order for your marriage to survive, your wife needs to realize and admit that she has a serious problem. I honestly don't know what triggers the lies, or why people do it. There is a friend of my fiance's that is like this -- the biggest compulsive liar i've ever met. And it really frustrates me and angers me off. He tells girls that he is some sort of "drug lord" just so they will pay attention to him. He lies about the car he drives, he lies about his job, he lies about everything. But seriously, you need to get help for your wife .A.S.A.P.!!! She's hurt enough people along the way, don't you think? It may be her way of getting attention, or it may be some more serious, deep-rooted issue. Either way, you need to get her the help she needs if your marriage is to survive.
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Melissa_20
replied on March 1st, 2006
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I agree with them. . .
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Dev1
replied on October 6th, 2009
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I'm in the exact same situation with my wife. My problem is that we have children. If we didn't it would be over. In the last 3 months (after we moved into a new house and had a long talk about starting over) she has spent our entire savings and never got the job she said she was getting to help pay the rent. In December we will not be able to pay our rent. I dont know what to do. I have worked the past 5 years to build some kind of security for my family and now it's all gone because I decided to move forward with her and give it another try.
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J3nnyuk
replied on October 6th, 2009
Moderator
To OhioMarriedGuy....It seems to me that your wife may have some sort of problem..from your post she seems like a Pathological Liar, someone who often embellishes her stories in a way that she believes will impress people. It is said that a pathological liar is different from a normal liar in that they believe the lie they are telling to be true—at least in public—and is "playing" the role. They sometimes are seen to have a serious mental problem that needs to be rectified. Maybe you should take her to your doctors to get a proper diagnosis on this as it is a big problem...good luck...jenny
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literarypractice
replied on November 13th, 2009
Experienced User
This behavior will drive you crazy. You can't have a good relationship with a liar. It's impossible. There's no mystery to her behavior. She prefers to lie. The truth is not good enough.
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