Hey.. This might be a long one..
Here's my story..
18 yrs old/5 months pregnant/moved in with
bf in october/he hit me in january/going
thru court still/moved back home with my
mom/still in love with bf/he has a drug
problem/lies constantly/hides
everything/lives an hour away/expects me
to tell him all that im doing but won't
say what he's doing/he owes money towards
stuff but says he lost the check/probably
spent it on drugs/allows his sister to
control our relationship/talks caca about
me to his friends/denies everything he
says if people find out and makes me look
like the liar/says if he moves in with me
and my parents he will be a better
person/blames me for him hitting me and
says that I deserved it/i never wanted to
have a baby ever/i said I was going to put
it up for adoption/brother said he would
never talk to me again/bf said he would
fight it/parents said they are willing to
pay for everything/bf says hes gunna get a
job/been saying that since october2005/and
im left alone with this child to raise all
by myself/
i think it may be obvious what I should
do, but it seems what I should do is the
hardest.. I'm so lost about everything
and have no one to talk to that
understands any of it.. I use to watch
those shows on girls that got beat by
their boyfriends and say how stupid they
are for going back, now being pregnant and
scared of doing it all on my own, i'm not
sure if I can tell him it's over.. :s..
*sigh*
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jewelskye
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 172 Location: Los Angeles
Posted: 02-12-06 21:23pm
You poor thing!
I'm sorry you got hit, and i'm sorry that
you're going through court. In my opinion
you should distance yourself from this
jerk. Even though you think you love him,
he's the worst thing for you, especially
since you're pregnant.
You're not alone.
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hunterjumper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 203 Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posted: 02-12-06 21:35pm
You're on the right track.
I know it's scary. It's terrifying.
We've all been there. The problems with
your ex don't help anything either but you
have to realize that his problems are his
own. He's not a table or toy that can be
"fixed". He's not a computer that just
"malfunctioned". His problems are
serious. They run deep. Far more then
just you doing whatever to annoy him. No
one ever deserves or asks to be hit. That
is childish. That's the kind of thing my
son does but that's because he's 13 months
old. There's no reason for a grown up to
hit someone else.
You have to realize and accept how serious
these problems are. They're not something
that are just going to go away. You've
already seen that he doesn't follow
through with his promises. October was 5
months ago. There's no excuse for not
having a job now....Even if it's something
menial. If he had actually wanted a job
and wanted to get straight...He would be.
He doesn't want to so he won't. A baby
won't change that. So many women hang
around for years, hoping that something
will change and giving up everything that
they are for these guys who just stomp all
over them...Physically and emotionally.
It's not worth that. You are worth more.
There are other guys out there better then
him..By far. You don't really love him
because who loves being put down? Being
hit? Being disappointed all the time?
Pulling all the weight in the
relationship? You love the idea of him.
You love the person that maybe he was when
you first started going out. You love the
idea of a person that he can't be.
You have to do this on your own. And if
you want to put your baby up for adoption,
do not let anyone stop you. It is your
choice and it sounds like a mature
decision if ever I heard one.
Good luck and stay strong.
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~rubmybuddahbelly~
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2006 Posts: 752 Location: :( N.O. Evacuee now in TEXAS
Posted: 02-12-06 23:06pm
Omg my story is so much like yours... But
my boyfriend actually pretended to want
this baby, he calims he still does and I
have and always will want my child. My ex
now is a drug addict was raised a drug
addict and as hard and painfull as it is
to say will always be a drug addict. We
were involved in hurricane katrina and he
had all of our money then we split up. He
left me homeless ( living with family now
) and with no money and 10 weeks pregnant.
He spent all our fema money on drugs and
useless crap. He talked trash to me to
his family and all his friends calling me
a ho' and saying the baby wasnt his untill
muh cousin went and straightend everything
out I couldnt even speak to people with
out hearing horible made up things about
me. He gave me and std called hpv from
him sleeping around ( it cant cause harm
to the baby ) but I do I have pre
cancerous cells and the hpv virus is a
form of cervical caner so muh risk goes
up. He swears that he's going to change
but hes been saying that since I can
remember. I can show you pics from the
hospital stays where he would beat the
crap out of me. He busted my lip and
everything and made me belive that I
desserved it cause I mad him mad and he
was stressed. I drew the line when he hit
me and threw a beer bottle at me while I
was pregnant.
Im sorry but they never change. I would
have loved to hear from people I told my
story to that he would get better and we
would live happily ever after but things
99.9% of the time only get worst. I
rarely talk to him not and this is after
going back in forth again with getting
back together or not. I love him and I
always will but the best thing for me and
my child is to let go.
I think if you have such supporting
parents you should keep your baby...
Thats a decession u should make. Yet the
next best thing is adoption if thats what
you really want to do. All I can say is
the guys dont get better. It really does
hurt to know that people go threw this
kind of thing because I know from first
hand experience.
If you ever need anyone to talk to I am
here for you and im sure alot more other
girls are too... I really hope you make
the right choice for you and that
baby...
Good luck hun..
-jen
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yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 5554 Location: FL
Posted: 02-12-06 23:13pm
Well you did a good thing coming here we
are all here to talk to. As for your
boyfriend anyone who tells u its your
fault is not worth your time. You really
need to just cut relations with him off
dont talk to him at all not even to tell
him its over jsut stop talking to him. He
cant do ne thing about u giving your baby
up and you should worry what your brother
thinks I no its your brother but if you
think adoption is the right thing its up
to you your brother doesnt have to raise
this baby u do and you can always do an
open adoption where u can get pics and
updates of your baby and depending on the
ppl you select to raise your baby u ca
nget some visitation if you think u have
enough support and want to keep your baby
thats fine to its all up to you its your
child and your its mother your bf is just
a sperm donor lol you will do whats right
for your child thats what good mothers do
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AlliE_18
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 2129 Location: uk
Posted: 02-13-06 06:00am
If I were you, i'd leave him for the
baby's sake, because as everyone else has
said, its not going to get better, he'll
say hes going to change, but he wont, its
empty words and broken promises over and
over.
If you want to keep the baby, it sounds
like you have a lot of help and support
from your family, which is lucky. Or
adoption is also good for the baby,
whatever you think is best you should do.
Dont let your brother or boyfriend stop
you. The baby is what's most vulnerable
and important now.
