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Q: Issues With Brother

asked by: oh_mommy on February 12th, 2006

Supporter

Hey im sorry this is off topic but I didnt know where to go, and I know alot of people here are nice and will help me out. Im not preggo or anything.. But heres my problem

im 16 (17 in 2 weeks) and my brother has issues (hes 22 as of today feb 11) the way I feel as if he feels he is a supirrior because my mom left almost 2 or 3 years ago. He acts as though he is the mother. Which isnt a bad thing, its the fact I swear he has an anger problem. About 2 weeks ago the dog was outside barking so he was smashing on the window really hard telling the dog to come in and he broke the window. Whenever he is corrected he yells and screams. He's always looking down upon me calling me stupid. And heres the worst part. He hits me sometimes, and not softly, hardly.

Today I downloaded wordveiwer so I could look at my resume at my grandpas house and he raiged at me, saying I didnt need it I could just open it with wordpad which I already did and it only came up with weird letters. And after him yelling and then coming up to the comp to try and do it I said "i already tried it comes up with weird letters" and he kept going on and I said "i know eric! Im not that stupid!" and then he smacked me really hard I had a handprint on my face and he yelled " yes you are!" and then walked away. My boyfriend was standing beside me when this happend and was holding himself back from hitting my brother because he dosnt want the family to hate him and I told him before not to do anything.

Now my bf feels bad for not doing anything at all. When my dad got home today I told him wat had happend and he didnt do a thing, because this happens all the time, well use to, not so often anymore considering im trying to avoid being around him which had been doing good for the past while.

Im not only scared for me, but for my cat. My cat cant do anything (hes only 4 months old) without getting squirted by the waterbotle by my brother, and once he threw him into my room and my kitten hit the wall.

I know I could have said something but that would have only made thigns worse so I just sit here and bite at my nails. I finally realised why I have never had nails.

Sorry for the very long post but I dont know what to do
thanks for letting me vent, I dont know where else to go

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Replies(25)

fatfamily02

replied on February 12th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

You need to either make your dad listen and do something or you need to get away from that!!! You have too---this is a really bad scene just waiting to happen--if you know what I mean!!

.God bless you hon,

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oh_mommy

replied on February 12th, 2006

Supporter

Yeah, I know I need to leave but there isnt a place for me to go where I wouldnt be draged back here. My dad didnt do a thing when I told him, nobody in my family ever does.My boyfriend (shawn) says I could tell the police and they would either arrest my bro or give him an abuse charge. But they would probably take me away from my family, and I dont want my family mad at me for ratting on one of "our own" I dont knwo what to do. I have nowhere to go. My mom wont take me in because she only has a one room app. And by the way she acts dosnt want me ruining her sex life.

What am I to do? My boyfriend cant help me out much unless he gets a good enough joba nd can move out too, but thats hard getting a job in my town and that would still take alot of time

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fatfamily02

replied on February 12th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I have been in situations before seemed like no way out,

i know how hard it can be--but there has to be something--

.God have mercy!!

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oh_mommy

replied on February 12th, 2006

Supporter

Yeah I know there has to be something. My bf really wants me to talk to my dad, but that wont hel. He wants me to threaten saying if he dosnt do anything about eric im out, but my dad would just tell me to ignore it. Like they have been telling me to do for I dont know how long, but I cant ignore it anymore. I dont want to get my brother charged or taken away. I just want to excape from him. What can I do ::cry::

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Jolie_3110

replied on February 12th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Its good that you are trying to seek some help, and rightly to this cant carry on, is there no other family members around who you can talk to?

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AlliE_18

replied on February 12th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

What about moving in with your grandad?
Or you could arrange a time to sit down with your mum and talk, explain what your brother does, how he hits you, surely she will get a bigger place so you can move in with her, or let u sleep on the sofa at her place now. Or she might have a friend who can let u live with them. Talk to her.
Or ask one of your friends mothers if they will let you move in -that happens a lot.
Goodluck ok

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wannababy25

replied on February 12th, 2006

Experienced User

Are you in highschool? Do you live in canada or the us? Is your grandfather not able to help?

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oh_mommy

replied on February 12th, 2006

Supporter

I live in canada, and for my grandparents they dont say anything when I tell them my whole family dosnt do anything. Ive told my mom before and she just told me to tell my grandpa about it. As for family taking me in is a no because they are all the same and will tell me to ignore it. And if I leave they will haunt me down and take me back. And yes I am in highschool, im in grade 11. My boyfriend wants me to tell my dad if he dosnt do something about eric im out and I can live with him for abit.. Abit being the word, considering I would be pushed back here. And I could take my cat with me to their house. The only thing is, if I told his parents they would press charges on my brother, and I dont want that. And they would take the dog away from my dad. My boyfriend says they would most likly take eric away, but I cant see them taking a 22 year old away.. What would they do with him?.

Im so confused.. As for today im safe from eric because he is at his friends house for the day, but that dosnt happen often. His 'friends' dont overly like him, I talk to them and they've told me they dont overly like him because he's a party pooper and does nothing but talk about video games and his ex girlfriend and how good of a cook he is (but he sucks at cooking, my dads a chef so yeah I compare most food to that) I unno what to do.

Sombody have any ideas of what I can doto excape this, taking my cat (wewu) but wont get my dog(zeus) taken away from my dad?

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wannababy25

replied on February 12th, 2006

Experienced User

Why not make an anonymous call to the police and see what advice they can give you. This way you can make a truly informed decision. You could also talk to a guidance counsellor at your school. Tell them that you have a friend in this situation and ask what 'she' could do to get out of it. You absolutely can't stay in this situation if you end up pregnant. Honestly though...You should really re-think the idea of having a baby. You have so much of your life yet to live. Everything changes when you have a baby. You can't just up and go when you want. The last thing you need is to become pregnant in your current situation. The stress of pregnancy alone is sometimes too much and the chances of miscarriage are very high when you are stressed. Also...What about the cost? All the furniture, clothes, baby essentials (diapers, wipes, soother, cloths, blankets, car seat, stroller and it goes on and on....). I really hope you wait until highschool is over and you know where you are going in life. I understand how having a baby can be very appealing...But the reality is it can be a very draining and scary experience if you're not ready for it. How strong is your relationship with your bf...Do think it's strong enough to handle your mood swings during pregnancy? Do you think he's ready to handle the stress of becoming a father? Anyhow...I don't want to sound like a nagging mommy. I just hope you've really done your homework on this one. It's one of the biggest decisions you can make in life. I truly hope that you find the help you need to get out of the situation you're in too. I've been there and I know first hand that sometimes 'tough love' is the only way to go. If he ends up arrested he may learn a very valuable lesson that will help keep his future girlfriends and their pets out of the situation that you're in. As for your dad's dog...The police wouldn't take the dog away unless you tell them about your cat and ask them to call the humane society. I hope this helps. Please let me know how everything goes. :)

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oh_mommy

replied on February 12th, 2006

Supporter

As for the baby part, im not trying to get pregnant but not trying to avoid it either. Me and my boyfriend have thought about it for months and we came to the decision if it happens it happens. And im pretty sure he is ready for all my mood swings and everything else that comes along with having a baby. We've talked about it time after time. And hes a very caring and loving person. His dad got some lady pregnant and she ran off on him and didnt tell him where she went. His dad is upset about this cause he has a baby somewhere but he knows nothing about it and shawn(my bf) says he really couldnt handle the fact knowing you have a kid somewhere out there. He's a good guy. We are planning on getting engaged this summer. Im so excited:) my family loves him too. And the way my grandma acts around him it makes it sounds like shes dropping hints that she wants him to ask me. She keeps saying to him when im not around "yeah when I was just abit older then sarah I was married, and a year after that I was having my first baby" so yeah we are pretty sure that shes dropping hints. Once I threw up in the morning at the bank three times and my grandpa asked if I had morning sickness :shock: I was kinda mad at that since I wasnt pregnant and I had my period at the time to. I mean even if I was I prob would have said no because shawn wasnt there. And we plan on telling everybody togeather so they can tell our relationship wont change.

Anyways.My boyfriend is coming over soon after he is done driving around with his step dad so I should go get changed.

Thats for all the help wannababy25... Do you like the number 25 or was that just random? Thats my fav number! Cause my bday is on the 25th of feb:)

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wannababy25

replied on February 12th, 2006

Experienced User

Yeah...25 because i'm 25 and my b-day is on the 25th of oct. Glad to hear that the relationship is a solid one...But being preggo and raising a baby around your brother wouldn't be a good idea. Are you going to try calling the cops for advice? Or speak w/ a counsellor at school? I hope you do. One thing I thought i'd mention...I know you don't want your brother arrested and I can relate to that...But what about you? What your brother would go through being arrested pales in comparison to what he's doing to you regularly by the sounds of it. Let me know if you find a solution or if you do speak w/ police or counsellor.
Take care...Keep smiling! :)

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oh_mommy

replied on February 13th, 2006

Supporter

No I dont get hit on a regualer baises just. I use to when I was young by him. He only yells and screams at me now. The last time b4 yesterday that he hit me was like in summer. I know he really dosnt want to hit me when shawns around. I noticed when he did hit me and shawn was there that shawn was having a hard time resisting hitting eric back considering he had his hand in a fist and was looking down. He really is against hitting women, even if it is a sister.

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oh_mommy

replied on February 19th, 2006

Supporter

Update..

Last night I came home from being out all day and I wasnt even home for about 5 minutes when my brother throws my cat in my room and he hit the wall and landed on his head. I then called my bf and told him what happend so then my friend mike comes up here and piks me and the cat/his stuff up and I left threw my back door.. I left a note to my dad saying I cant take erics caca anymore and that I went to a friends house and I have my phone with me if he needs me. Well apparently nobody even noticed I wasnt there last night so im kinda offended about that.I also was talking to my mom yesterday and told her how I cant stand eric anymore, I only brought this up because she said she is going to start looking for a new appartment with adeck so I told her to get a two bedroom so I can stay with her but she ignored me..

Any ideas of what to do now?

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Kimmeh

replied on February 19th, 2006

Active User, very eHealthy

Well it's good that your out, that was a first step...Now I would try and stay out of that house. Do whatever you can. Keep staying with your friend or boyfriend. I wish you luck girl! And because you live in canada you should be legally able to move out on your own when your 16.

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yellow ribbon

replied on February 19th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Ok um hello?! Anger managment ne one? If it was your bf/ husband hitting u no matter how occasional it was ud leav right? He needs to b taken care of screw what your family thinks its for his own good u call the cops and get him help animal cruelty and women abuse (exactly what this is) are signs of serious nerological issues and are often found in serial killers! And I no your thinkin its my brother he wouldnt kill ne one but how many of the families of murderers thoguht hey I bet hell kill someone? Um none probably your family is in denial and your brother is a psycho! Call the freakin cops! And your poor kitty it cant defend itself save it. I dont see y having your brother taken away would affect your dog either if your brothers the problem and they take him away that no more harm for the doggy and hed stay there.

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AlliE_18

replied on February 19th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Yeah like kimmeh said, do whatever you can to stay away from there, stay with friends or your boyfriend if possible. Keep yourself safe and your cat too lol. Your mum sounds like she needs a kick up her arse.

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sandyallen

replied on February 19th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Oh Mommy

You are doing the right thing, stay away from your brother, I realize that you love him but he has some serious issues! You know that you cannot help him, he needs professional help, your dad loves him to but just by saying to ignore him does not help the situation. I too am an animal lover and your cat does not deserve this. I agree with the others about your mom, she does need a swift kick in the arse, she is the one that should be helping you, or your dad.
The very last thing you need right now is a baby, even though it is your choice, you need to get your life together, get a part time job, finish high school, do college if you wish, get something going for yourself in case things do not work out for you and you b/f or husband or whatever he is at the time, as no one knows what tomorrow will bring to us.
You might think of getting a restraining order abainst your brother so that he will not hurt you or your kitten anymore.
Whatever happens, I wish you the best and I am sorry that you had to go through all of that. Please let us know how you are doing!

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Lalee

replied on February 19th, 2006

Active User, very eHealthy

A very good friend of mine took the ged when he was your age so he could graduate and go to college and get out of his home... For somewhat the same reasons, but it had to do with his dad. Anyway, maybe you could consider that?

If you absolutely have no friends or family or anyone to take you in, you should seriously consider contacting the police. I know you worry about your family getting mad at you for it... You remind me so much of my brother in that way... But you have to realize that there comes a time when you have to think of you - not your family or your brother or your dad or mom or even your boyfriend. This is about your safety and happiness, not someone else's. He seriously has a problem, and he needs help. But you need to get yourself out of that potentially dangerous situation.

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oh_mommy

replied on February 20th, 2006

Supporter

Yeah.. I got a part time job now so it should help out abit.. My boyfriends friend lance and his brother are moving into a 3 room duoplex and offerd shawn to move in there once he gets a job and shawn is considering it and taking me with him and we could share the room. I would be fine with that..

I know I am legally able to move out at 16, but cant my parents take me back home if they dont want me moved out, cant they say I cant offord being on my own?

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