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I Have a Much Higher Sex Drive Than My Boyfriend :( (Page 1)

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I need sex at least every other day, once a day would be good too.
However, my boyfriend only wants it like every 4 or 5 days.
Its hurting our relationship and making me insecure.
He says its just because hes been having sex for a long time and doesn't need it as much anymore.
(i lost my virginity to him and am always wanting sex).
In a relationship I have to feel flirty and sexy and beautiful. I lay down a lot of sex appeal.
I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm not going to break up over sex but i'm getting depressed and frustrated. Anyone have tips?
(and if your thinking its an attraction problem or sexual satisfication its not, he is very attracted and he says i'm the best he has had in bed)
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First Helper Razi
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replied February 12th, 2006
Experienced User
Sometimes I feel like i'm in a similar situation. The old cliche' is it is the husband who always wants sex, while the wife comes up with excuses not to have it. Not in my case. I am almost always horny with some energy, while my hubby can go without. Generally it isn't because he is not interested, but rather too tired. However, as with anyone I suppose, there are times, too, when he just plain isn't in the mood.

If your bf is willing to try something to increase his drive there are herbal supplements out there that can do that. If he isn't willing to take something for it, then you are left with maybe coming up with a compromise. However, with a compromise, if you have sex when he really isn't willing and into it, the sex itself may not be as good as it could be. It may feel more one-sided, because he may not put as much effort into it. Plus, one of the last things you want to do is to start making him feel like sex is a chore! If he starts feeling like that then he may come to resent you a bit.

I would very much like for my hubby to have sex with me more often, but on the other hand I also understand and respect when he doesn't want it. So, to help out a bit, I am now looking for new toys to help satisfy my needs. Toys never make me feel as good as my hubby can, but it does help to ease the need a bit. And, who knows, maybe hubby will enjoy incorporating the toys into our sessions, anyway?
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replied February 12th, 2006
Experienced User
Yeah, he's 22 so I think asking him to take any supplements would be out of the question. I understand what your saying, I much rather be touched by him than some toy cause he even told me maybe I should get something so that I wouldn't need it so much.
I guess part of the problem is I lost my virginity like 3 months ago so sex is still new and exciting for me...Thus I want it more.
He complained that his last girlfriend only wanted it once a week or every two weeks. Now he complains I put pressure on him and want it all the time. But like you said I know I have to respect his wishes and having sex when he doesn't want it, isn't going to happen, that's wrong and its not going to be good sex at all.
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replied February 14th, 2006
Experienced User
Maybe if you try initiating it more often, because my boyfriend always wants sex, but I only want it if I am turned on by him. So maybe try to turn him on or another idea would be to play some sexy board games-they are always fun and put you in the right mood.
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replied February 16th, 2006
I last my virginity 6 months ago, i'm alsways wanting it. Sometimes my bf dosn't feel like it. Which is fine. I'm happy just been with him. He always offers oral instead if he don't want to do it. But I get off on him been excited too. I sometimes just tease him for hours until he finnally does want it.
Don't pressure him too much. Just do without if he don't want it. You'll get usede to the new pattern anyway.
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replied February 16th, 2006
Experienced User
My boyfriend and I just conquered your problem. He said since I was always initiating it, it was too easy to get. So! Usually when we watch a movie I just lie down and don't pay any mind to him but still act sexy and kind of look at him a certain way, just to get it on his mind. And if he starts initiating it, don't go full into it with him right away. Playing the innocent, not interested game can sometimes work. Good luck!
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replied February 16th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
You said you would be fine with having sex every other day.Well 4 or 5 times a week .I.S every other day.How can you feel the way you do just bc he wont have sex with you everyday?I can undersdtand if he acted as if it was a burden on him but I think your crazy!
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replied February 16th, 2006
Experienced User
Thats real crazy but im not gonna knock you four or five times a week is a good amount I mean I get it once a day . I understand you are a freak but honey I wouldnt complain unless he didnt want to give you any at all. Maybe you should try and calm down a lil bit and let it all flow dont be pushy with it.
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replied February 23rd, 2006
You know one of the girls said that playing the uninterested game works and it does! Im an initiator too but lately ive acted blah and it works. I dont get guys, I really think that societal norms about them being sex monsters is overrated! I really trully believe that women are really reorganizing the sexual revolution once again.....Dont worry just play a little hard to get. Men love what they cannot get...I have finally realized that after being in a 4 yr relationship...Good luck
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replied October 16th, 2009
help me..im so sexually fustrated nd all he does is tease.
i'm having the same trouble can anybody help...me nd my bf havent had sex in about 2 weeks nd i'm offering it to him on a silver plate here bu he wont take it mayb its because my brother is always in da nxt room...???? wat do u tink...HELP!!! im so sexually fustrated at dis point bu he's always playing wit me nd trying to make me wet nd teasin me bu i only like teasin if i know im gonna get it at the end bu now i dnt..??? so i need help....watchas tink...??? please right back..!
x.x
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replied October 18th, 2009
CUt him off and watch what happens.
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replied October 28th, 2009
you tink that would work as in play hard if he all of a sudden wants it dont give it to him..???? xx
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replied November 2nd, 2009
Good advice from Kgirl16 & Miko!
Munky23, listen to the advice from Kgirl16 and Miko! I've been married 7 years, and my husband was my first. We ended up in a rut, and I started initiating sex more and more often. I kept thinking I was making it easier for him to get in the mood by being enthusiastic when he did start something... BUT IT DIDN'T WORK LIKE THAT!!! He finally was able to put it into words recently... if it's always there, it's just TOO easy!

You might also try having a frank conversation BEFORE you do a 180 in your approach, cause when I tried the hard to get thing without talking to him, he thougth I really WASN'T in the mood. Out of respect, he backed off even when he WAS in the mood. Miscommunication sucks, by the way! SO... however you do it (words, lingerie or eye contact), make sure he knows 'slower' or 'we'll see' doesn't mean 'no'... THEN have fun playing hard to get, cause getting 'caught' is an awful lot of fun!

Oh, and I can relate to the insecurity thing. When you buy into the myth that guys always want it more than the girls, you feel like something's wrong that he 'isn't into you.' It's a lie. Look at all these posts. You just have to be patient and remember you love him, and need to respect his feelings... while making sure you get what you need too!

My advice? Get a vibrator for those days (or nights!) when you two just aren't on the same page. Let him know you love him, how great he makes you feel, and that he turns you on so much that sometimes you just need a release... and let him know you are trying to respect his feelings. You can also invite him to imagine what's going on in the other room while he is watching TV, come watch you, or come join you, BUT don't be disappointed if he doesn't. Just leave the door open to the idea... and maybe to the bedroom if no one else is home!

It might take him a while to warm up to a toy. At first my husband was very turned off, but lately he has been really great about kissing my neck and breasts while I use a toy on nights he doesn't feel like all out sex. Works pretty great, cause he doesn't feel pressured, and gets to enjoy me screaming his name (without too much work on his part), I still get off... and we are closer and more intimate on nights we are both in the mood.

Just don't worry. It will work out if you are patient and honest with each other. It took us a long time to work through some stuff, but if the rest of the relationship is good, and you know this is a person worth sticking by.... then it's worth the effort to figure it out.
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Users who thank Razi for this post: vivican18 

replied November 2nd, 2009
exactly, everyone is saying it. its too easy if you want it too much.

if your able to make the sacrifice, hold off a week. even when he wants it, say you're not in the mood. make him want it bad. then when you guys do have sex, make it really good. tease him, show him why he should want you more. I remember when me and my boyfriend were talking to one of his friends (whose had much more experience then we've had) he said one of his best sexual relationships was with this girl that just said no all the time. it drove him crazy until he could finally have it.

and i know that when I'm on my period, I'll refuse sex. because its so hard for me to pleasure my man without getting pleasure back. it drives me crazy. and I don't feel comfortable having sex while on my period because it can be pretty heavy.

the sex we have once I'm finished my period is always AMAZING because he just wants it soooo bad by then.

also, something you could try is, if he doesn't want it, then just pleasure yourself. tell him that if he's not going to satify you, then you'll just do it yourself. some guys get really territorial if you suggest that they aren't the only thing that can pleasure you, and that might just give him a kick in the butt. And if you're feeling bold, pleasure yourself in front of him. might just make him want in on the action.
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replied February 24th, 2010
My wife’s sex drive is much higher than mine. It was only by accident that we found a cure that works very well for us. We had been married for about 5 or 6 years, on a vacationing to a cottage with our good friends. One night while we were playing cards we got on the subject of sex drive and who has more sexual stamina, come to find out they had the just the opposite problem as us. After a while of talking and joking about it (it wasn’t much of a joke to me and the other gal), my friend’s wife joking said that they should see who could last the longest. My wife turned to me and said “Who do you think could last the longest.” I joking replied “You will never know if you don’t try”. They got up and went into one of the bedrooms. My friend’s wife and sat and talked for a few minutes then we decided to see what our spouses were doing (thinking they were playing a prank on us and just waiting for us to pop in). When we opened the door, we couldn’t believe our eyes. They were so busy that they didn’t notice that we were watching them. We closed the door and started talking about what we had just seen. About an hour later we went to checked on them again and they were still going strong. But this time they saw us watching them, my wife and my friend look over at us and both of them mouthed “I Love You”. That was over 25 years ago and trading still works very well for the 4 of us.
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replied February 25th, 2010
Wow I finally feel so much less alone... When my boyfriend and I first started having sex, he was the one that really wanted it. I was a virgin and very unsure for a while, but I felt like he was the right one so I consented. I cannot tell you how many times he turns me down now... and for a while I felt that he wasn't attracted to me much anymore.I was confused because honestly, I would have been fine not ever starting having sex. Now that I started, it not happening often makes me wonder... Maybe I should say no more often. I get really irritated when I get turned down a lot because he "isn't in the mood". From roughly October to the end of January, we were having sex about once a week... twice if he was in a better mood. Anything almost would kill it for him, and still does sometimes. Last week it went up to four out of nowhere, probably because he had been sick for the two weeks prior and we barely did anything. This week I had my cycle and that's when he wanted it again... obviously I was unable to do anything about it nor was I up to it. He tries to tease me a lot too then tells me he doesn't want it til the next Thursday (typically when I am over his house for the night)... it does nothing but make me angry and frustrated. I'd rather he not tease that badly because of how I feel. I can't really "say no" when I initiate it so much, but I guess I should just grin and bear it... and not initiate a thing, but rather let him want it... even if it takes a few weeks. We are only 22 and 23...
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replied February 25th, 2010
It's just amazing how much different we all are when it comes to sex. I'm a male, and when I was in my early 20's I wanted it every day. My college girlfriend and I once had sex everyday for like 4 months. I'm not sure how to break it to you ladies that have uninterested husbands/boyfriends at 20 something. Your in for a long road, as male libido decreases with age. If it's this way now, where will you be in 5-10 years, at some point the BOB won't do it for you anymore. Sexual compatibility is the most underrated part of a relationship. For your long term happiness you need a partner of a similar sexual appetite.
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replied April 17th, 2010
My bf and I are both major freaks lol and often times I initiate it but all it takes to get him going is to touch him there (or "say hello to his little friend" lol) or talk dirty. We''re both 18. It may be the young, frisky thing at play here but hopefully we get married and many more years of pleasure to come... hehe
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replied November 20th, 2010
Ignore him!!!
I like the answers that say "playing hard to get". I do that with my hubby. My drive is super high and for a while we were having sex only when he wanted it and not when I did. So what I started doing is playing with him and wrestling with him. It would get him so excited! Wrestling is a good form of foreplay.

Another thing if he is being a tease is to tease him! Get him to that point and walk away as frustrating as it may be because men hate getting to that point and can't get any!! Do the flirty thing but ignore him while you are doing it. Get out the shower, hair and body dripping wet, wrap up in the towel without drying off and walk past him like he doesn't matter. Go on with your day as if you could care less whether it happens or not. It will be out of the norm for him cause you are not sweating him about it. It will get his attention!!!
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replied January 3rd, 2012
omg im in the same situation with the sex drive situation im not wat u call a sknny gurl i have thighs a big butt in big boobs in a lil belly when me in my bf started haven sex it was great ..now.... we barely have sex now i dont no whats is going on with him but i have needs i dont want to play with any toys i want him . i get tired of initiating the sex with him cuz it doesnt do anything what should i do?? cuz im running out of patience
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