Pretty much everything in this forum I can relate to. Almost a year and a half ago, on Christmas sadly, I started having anxiety attacks. To this day, I still dont know what brought them about. At the time, I was working somewhere that I just really didn't like. Eventually went to my doctor and he put me on some meds. Klonopin and Zoloft. And Justy was right. Meds help. They do. But they dont do everything. I still get anxious even taking my meds. Over the past month, my eyes have been getting kinda shady. Seeming very sensitive now. Get headaches. Sharp pains on the left side of my head. And, I have also had that thought of "Oh, frick. Maybe its a brain tumor. And, that's whats causing the anxiety." A part of me believes there is some outside trigger causing my anxiety, I just dont know what it is. And, before too long, I'm gonna start seeing a psychiatrist to help deal with it. Getting the ol' "I feel like I'm losing it. I'm gonna go crazy." thoughts, which are never fun. I'm afraid of dying. Just am. I'm also afraid of the thought of getting to a point where I do kind of lose it or cant be myself. However, I'm able to keep in perspective that this is just the anxiety working it's crap on me. That's how it works. I've got an aunt and a professor from college who have dealt with this, and I can honestly tell you the very best thing you can do is find someone who understands what you're going through and talking to them. People that haven't gone through this stuff just dont understand. They can't. Not their fault. They just cant understand what it is we deal with.
Anyway, my anxiety came in short periods. I'd go 2 weeks just fine, but always having that "Whens the next episode coming?" thought in the back of my mind which would last anywhere from 2-6 days, then go away. And that was while I was on my medication. Then after a few months. I decided I was starting to get worried about becoming dependent on the meds. Not physically dependent, but mentally. Kind of like if I didn't take my medicine, I wouldn't be alright cause I needed it to stay "normal". So, I decided to go a couple days with out it. Just fine. Took em the next day. Then another 2 days. Take my meds. Then 5 days and then take it. Eventually, I ended up just cutting off my meds all together, and it was after I did that that I actually started feeling normal, like I was beating the anxiety and it was going away. Now, I knew it wouldn't just disappear, and it would pop up here and there very very shortly, minutes max. Nothing big at all. Lately, with the eye crap and everything else. It's kinda starting to come back in the 3-6 episodes, which, during those, I'll take my meds, the klonopin (which should not be taken lightly, a lot of athletes, especially college, take Klonopin to get that buzzed feeling, so, a dependancy can occur if you get too lose with it. Use your doctors orders on all meds), any I digress, Klonopin is money when you're not on it on a regular basis. If you feel like you're about to come down, have a bad night, Klonopin with put you in a slight buzzy drunken feeling, which I'm rockin right now. And, all anxiety and everything else just goes away. Not a care in the world, so it works in that manner.
I've been dealing with this crap for a long time, and kept waiting for it to end. Surely it will just be a 2 week deal, right? OK, a month, right? A year? But, maybe it's just something that's gonna be around for a while. The key is, do everything you can to get help. I was worried about my heart for years, even prior to anxiety attacks, and, as fate would have it, I went to the hospital for 6 days and had my heart tested while I was there, and it was fine, so, now it's not an issue. Maybe, if you think you might have a brain tumor, the right play is to get it checked out. If everything is cool, you dont need to worry about it anymore. For me, little signs in my body are kinda leading me to believe that there is something else going on. The main one being a constant twitch in my legs. If I just sit still, and watch my legs, they twitch pretty much none stop, which I just find weird. And, I'm talking, a very noticeable movement and twitch, from the time I wake up, all the through the day, till I go to sleep. It doesn't scare me, just something going on that hasn't in the past, and probably shouldn't. I also stutter in deep breathes (which I just did). It's hard to describe, but, there's a small stutter in my breathes every so often. Kind of like when you cry, and you inhale, it kind of stutters, that's what I do. And I know I only do it when I'm kinda feelin stressed a little, and it's just a reaction of my body to calm myself down.
Also, every anxiety dissorder has triggers. Some are social gatherings. Some are animals (I incredibly hate spiders, tarantualas actually, I dont eve like typing or seeing the word), some are illnesses, so are the "Am I going crazy" "Am I dying". There is a trigger. You need to find out what your trigger(s) is/are anddo one of two things: 1. Confront those fears. Gradually just get used to them, be it spiders or whatever or 2. Try and avoid them. Avoiding a trigger is not easy, and it's an easy way to get caught up in the same circle. So, I recommend #1 under a doctors care and whatnot.
By the way, I do not at all recommend using my method and getting off your meds. Even after you feel fine, stay on them. If you get off too early, it's just gonna start back up. But, at the same time, be careful. Dont let yourself develop a dependency on the meds.
Again, one of the best things you can do is find somebody you are comfortable to talk with about this and just get this stuff off your chest. Carrying it around is only going to make it worse. You can do it online, find someone to email. Find a friend or relative who has gone through it and talk to them. It really does help.
In the end, just know that it's only anxiety. If you feel you need to have an MRI or C/T scan. Go for it. The positive results can only help. And, in the worst case scenario, they find something, at least they found it now and not down the line and it can hopefully be treated easily.
I'd love to be able to continue talking to everyone on here. I dont have all the answers. Done tons of reading and talked to lots of people, but I'm no expert. But, I'm more than willing to listen and offer any advice I can to anybody who needs it. I do know what you're going through. I'm sure we all do. So, we can definitely help each other. So, feel free to fire away.
I'm 25, good athlete, love music. Just a regular guy (who happens to be awesome) and one thing I try and focus on during an attack or episode when you seem to focus on everything bad and wrong with you, is all the very best things in life that are going to come. Gettin married to the woman of my dreams. Having kids. Having my kids be professional athletes and spoiling their parents with glorious gifts. You know, good stuff. But, focusing on all the good that can and will come your way is a good way to try and shrug off the worries anxiety can bring on.
Best of luck to everyone, and hope everyone is doing very well. Now, I must go to sleep, via sweet sweet Klonopin. (again doctors orders only)
