Hi Everyone....

Here I am...I am a 26 year old divorced single mom of two special needs children. I just moved 150 miles and went through a nasty divorce four months ago. My problems go way back to when I was a child. I was sexually abused for years, then as I got older I started getting beaten by a family member...Then it just got worse, I moved out and got married. My ex husband was physically, emotional, and mentally abusive after living in that for six years I got the courage to get out. My ex husband always wanted me to stay heavy (280)...Everytime I went on a diet he would make sure I slipped up. The day I filied for divorce I went tot he Dr. And asked for the gastro bipass. He would not give it to me cause of my age...Instead he put me on a really strict diet and exercise regimen.


After just eight months I had lost 98lbs, I went from a 24 to a 10. That is where I am at right not. Yesterday, I just found out that my 19 month old son has possible left sided brain damage, that is on top of my severly speech apraxic and developmentaly delayed daughter whom is four. I of course get no help from their father what so ever...And I just started back to college to get my degree. Okay this all might sound great and wonderful but here is where it gets all messed up.


I had hit a major platue in my diet...Couldn't get anymore weight off. Then over the holidays gained a few pounds (nothing major) but it was all taking affect on me. Just under two weeks ago I decided to stop eating...Thought that would help get the weight off...But then my parents invited me over for dinner and I couldn't let them know...So I went, I ate, and then I threw it up. I thought to myself I was doing so good not eating I can't put this food in my body. Well with the throwing up it seemed to take an extra pound off or so. So I told my best friend what I was going to do and that I would keep myself under control. It went from throwing up here and there, cause I would only eat here and there. To looking forward to the b/p's. I now do it at least once a day if not more. But then the rest of the time I don't eat at all. This morning I woke up with the dry heevs...I am just under to much stress right now to worry about myself. My children come first, my daughter has therapy three times a week, I have school twice a week and my son has a ton of drs. Appointments. No time for me right now. But I think it is helping reading some of these other posts on here.

I have gotten to the point that after I get done perging I feel like crap...Like dirt, I don't know why this is. Other posts I see how good people feel afterwards...I am a perfectionist, so the one feeling is that I never did it long enough, I didn't get enough out, or oh man what did I do I should have never eaten in the first place. I will tell you that my throat is so sore all the time. Just felt like adding my post on to here so that everyone knows they are not alone...Plus its really hard not to tell my parents I tell them everything and they help me through so much...I just don't want to tell them till I get down to the weight I want. I am only going to do this till summer...Unless I hit that weight sooner. I have already lost eleven pounds.....Thanks for your time...Have a great day :).


Don't dwell on the past, live for the present, and look forward to the future!!! :wink: