Dating Forum - Man With Kids

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Q: Man With Kids

asked by: curious_girl82 on February 6th, 2006

Experienced User

I am have been with this guy for almost 2 years. He is 11 years older than I am. Anyway, he has 2 kids(13&10) and was married for about 11 years. He is a damn good man and I love him alot. We are always on the phone and when we can hang out, we do. He is out of town alot for work, but when he is here, he is with me and/or his kids. I am just so afraid that he is just going to up and split on me. He has been divorced for about 3 or 4 years. We have an amazing relationship though. I can definately say he is my bestfriend. We help eachother out alot as well. He says that if he was not serious about me, he would not have introduced me to his kids. In the begining, I was not around his kids or his family. Now I go to his place and spend the night with him and his kids,of course we do not sit around and kiss n such around them, but we do hang out and play video games:) his kids are very aware that I am his girlfriend. They seem to be ok with me. He has even talked about me moving in as soon as I am able to get on my feet. My main question is, should I be worried about anything? I am 23 and he is 34... I have never been in this type of relationship, so I tend to get worried. I do love this guy alot and like I said before, he is my bestfriend. Not only that, but it is just a gut feeling I have about him..Ugh, should I worry? Someone give me your opinion..:)

Replies(13)

Crazyness24

replied on February 8th, 2006

Experienced User

How old are you?

Melissa_20

replied on February 8th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I use to think age mattered but it doesn't.I just turned 21 and my bf is 27, we get along great! I also have the gut feeling,just go with it girl! Don't worry,his past is just that,his past! He is serious about you obviously and wants to move things along.Just make sure its not too much too fast.How long have you guys been dating?

Melissa_20

replied on February 8th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Never mind,i missed it in your post,sorry!

cortney jones

replied on February 16th, 2006

Experienced User

Thats kinda like my situation the only difference is that he is not married and has not been he just has a baby mamma and ladies we all know how much fun that could be. But my thing is that sometimes I feel like he may go back to her because she has his first child and thats all he talks about is his child. As if he cant have another kid with me who he loves oh so much but im not as afraid as I was in the beginning I trust him if you dont have that then you dont have anything.

Melissa_20

replied on February 16th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

cortney jones wrote:

thats kinda like my situation the only difference is that he is not married and has not been he just has a baby mamma and ladies we all know how much fun that could be. But my thing is that sometimes I feel like he may go back to her because she has his first child and thats all he talks about is his child. As if he cant have another kid with me who he loves oh so much but im not as afraid as I was in the beginning I trust him if you dont have that then you dont have anything.

i had a bf before who had a baby mama,but girl don't trip.It has nothing to do with the mama,they just love their kids!

nightangel73

replied on February 16th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I have dated men with kids before. I am 32 and almost all guys I could possibly date have kids already so facing the reality of my situation I gave it a try and see what happens. It never worked out and looking back i'm glad they did not cause now that I have a bf without kids it is soooooooo much better. Take it with a grain of salt. My advice make sure the exwife is a nice person that is nice to you and is not possesive of him etc etc. It is worse if the exwife remains single after the divorce. If the exwife remarries it is not much of problem. I dated a divorced guy once and the ex did not let him even date me. My bf now is divorced but he has no kids so no string attached to any woman and that is the way I prefer it to be. I will tell you when you are the age of your bf you will see things differently specially when it comes to relationships.

curious_girl82

replied on February 17th, 2006

Experienced User

nightangel73 wrote:

i have dated men with kids before. I am 32 and almost all guys I could possibly date have kids already so facing the reality of my situation I gave it a try and see what happens. It never worked out and looking back i'm glad they did not cause now that I have a bf without kids it is soooooooo much better. Take it with a grain of salt. My advice make sure the exwife is a nice person that is nice to you and is not possesive of him etc etc. It is worse if the exwife remains single after the divorce. If the exwife remarries it is not much of problem. I dated a divorced guy once and the ex did not let him even date me. My bf now is divorced but he has no kids so no string attached to any woman and that is the way I prefer it to be. I will tell you when you are the age of your bf you will see things differently specially when it comes to relationships.

thanx...And as far as I know, his ex dates but is not really serious with anyone yet...I hope she will find a man she really likes, and soon!! I really dig this guy.. At first his ex acted like a incredibly nutcase!! Now she is not so bad..Maybe she realized that he is with me and is going to be for quite sometime...??I have spoke on the phone 2 her,but only cuz she called here and hung up,and we started texting eachother, about the kids,ugh...I finally got mad n called her(didnt wanna text anymore). I assured her that I know my boundaries as far as the kids are concerned,and I will never overstep them.....Well one day I babysat her 10yr old son while "my guy" took his other kiddo to do some stuff...Their mom found out and freaked!! If she had a man, it wouldnt be so bad...Ugh! I do not want to leave him, and I do not plan on it...I just dont want to get burned ya know? But I figured,if it did ever come down to that, it was all worth it...I met a damn good man and I have learned alot from him..We have learned alot from eachother...And I have experienced things with him that I never have with anyone else.. :) he truely is my bestfriend....

sandyallen

replied on February 17th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

If I were you, I would not worry, if you are happy and he is happy, then don't worry what others say. What you might think of doing is getting his ex-wife yourself and your b/f together and discuss you being with the kids, after all, they are his kids too and sooner or later she will start dating and might want you to start watching the kids, after all she does need to start moving on with her life.
Good luck!

curious_girl82

replied on February 19th, 2006

Experienced User

Also what kind of sux is, he can not have anymore children.. He has had that "oh so wonderful" procedure done. He has told me that he has his kids and doesnt need anymore..But he has also told me that he really wishes he could with me.. To be honest, I would love to have a child eventually. If I had never been pregnant b4 and felt that anticipation of having a little one, I probably would not feel so strong about it now. And my god is he an incredible father! He truely amazes me! We have talked about this b4 and he says he is afraid that I will leave because of this.. I do not plan on leaving him, but I have to say it bums me out a bit. I see my sister with her son and everyone else with their little ones.. I want to feel a love like that too,and with such an incredible man(as he is)..As of now I am in no situation to have a child, but it would be soooo wonderful eventually..And I do realize the operation can be reversed, and he briefly spoke of that (i think we were drunk though..Lol..So maybe he felt different at that moment.) he is 34 and has already lived his life..I do not want to leave, but I cant help but feel a little sad.. :(

nightangel73

replied on February 20th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

That is life my friend, never things can be so perfect. One of the guys I dated with kids also had the big "v". It was a bummer since I want to have kids and we discussed about it. He said he would have the surgery reversal for having a kid with me. The chance of a succesful reversal is good the more recent the vasectomy is. Up to 4 years is 70% rate of success. But it is no guarantees. You must face the reality that you would enter a marriage with him with an infertility situation.

curious_girl82

replied on February 21st, 2006

Experienced User

nightangel73 wrote:

that is life my friend, never things can be so perfect. One of the guys I dated with kids also had the big "v". It was a bummer since I want to have kids and we discussed about it. He said he would have the surgery reversal for having a kid with me. The chance of a succesful reversal is good the more recent the vasectomy is. Up to 4 years is 70% rate of success. But it is no guarantees. You must face the reality that you would enter a marriage with him with an infertility situation.

*sigh* ya, I know. I plan on being with this guy no matter what. Unless of course he does me wrong...Until then, i'm not going anywhere :)

nightangel73

replied on February 22nd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

curious_girl82 wrote:

nightangel73 wrote:

*sigh* ya, I know. I plan on being with this guy no matter what. Unless of course he does me wrong...Until then, i'm not going anywhere :)

and why you guys don't get married?

MizzPurty28

replied on March 15th, 2006

New User

I am in the same boat too. I am in my late 20's and my man is heading for his late 30's. He has two teenage kids and yes it gets hard sometimes. He sometimes can't grasp the concept of being a father and a boyfriend, like he isn't being fair to one over the other. It gets on my nerves sometimes. There is so much more crap you have to deal with when your partner has kids and you don't. Also, it's a pain in the ass because there is the mother of his kids to factor in, and she always meddles in our bizz. I have also been told that if I want kids I have the wrong man cause he has two of them and not that he can't have any more, he just doesn't want them because "my job is almost done". Think long and hard about things. Takes more than love and getting along to make it last. I will be thinking long and hard too because I don't want to miss out on being a mom one day just to be with this man.

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