I lost my grandfather a year ago to suicide. We were very close when I was little, but then we had a falling out of a couple years, and then he got real sick and was dying and didn't want to be a burden for my grandmother so he shot himself in the head. We never did patch up our relationship. I experience many different emotions...some I feel a little guily about, but hey I can't change my emotions.
I feel sad that he died and I mourn for the relationship we once had.
I feel angry over what he said and did that caused our falling out. I kept waiting for him to apologize, and now just because he died am I just supposed to forget all the hurt he caused me?
I feel angry and hurt that he killed himself without apologizing or at least saying goodbye to me, or letting me resolve my hurt feelings with him.
I feel guilty for all my anger towards him...