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BrookesMummy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Feb 2006
Posts: 5
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Teenage Father Help. Please.
Posted: 02-06-06 02:35am
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Okay. So I just recently found out I was
pregnant. I got pregnant before when I
was 14 and had my beautiful daughter
brooke. I am now 16. I was "hooking up"
with this guy who will be 21 in april. I
found out I was pregnant mid november. I
wasnt planning on telling him considering
the guy he is. I mean he's living with
his parents in palmdale works at vinces
pasta and pizza and smokes with all his
friends. I told him and he was the
biggest ass. So we pretty much just quit
talking cuz all we did was argue. My
mother then got really mad when she found
out and called him to tell him I wasnt
pregannt anymore. So as of this moment he
thinks im not. I can't just up and tell
him and it seems like things will be
easier without zach in its life. He tried
to tell me that it was my decision to keep
it so iiii should have to deal with it. I
mean I didnt "roll over and get pregnant"
so in a way I think I should keep shut.
But what do I do when he's born. I just
found out it's a boy and I couldnt tell
him years from now about his father. I
just need to know how to approach the
situation. His best friend knows but
promised he wouldt say anything. But I
kinda think if zach found out he still
wouldnt care... I just need to know what
to do.
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 02-06-06 09:31am
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Honestly i'd tell him. You don't want
it on your conscience and besides he'll
probably continue with that attitude.
Then that's it, your responsibility toward
that situation with him is over. It's a
shame that we can't make people grow up
and accept responsibility (well you can
sue for child support to make him at least
take financial responsibility). You'll
have done your part and you'll have plenty
of time to think of what to tell your son
about his real father. Besides you know,
there's someone out there for you and your
son that will love you both the way you
should be loved.
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QueenBee2_3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006
Posts: 194
Location: CT U.S.
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Re: Teenage Father Help. Please.
Posted: 02-06-06 10:37am
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As the father he has the right to know
that he has a baby and that baby has the
right to child support and a father.
Since he's a legal adult (over 18 yrs old)
what he did was statutory rape and he
"could" be held accountable for that as
well.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 02-06-06 10:46am
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I think that you should tell him and let
him take the responsibility of being or
not being a father. You don't want to
feel the burden of having to tell your
child that you never gave him the chance
to be a father. If he doesn't step up
then you need to go after him for the
financial responsibilities.
About the stat-rape thing....Need to make
sure of the laws in your state and if you
want to go that route then he will be in
jail and not able to help with the
monetary help that he would be forced to
make if you take him to court.
Genipher
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mia7
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Sep 2005
Posts: 378
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Posted: 02-06-06 12:43pm
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Let him know because he is the father
have him give you child support because it
is his baby
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BrookesMummy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Feb 2006
Posts: 5
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Posted: 02-20-06 14:01pm
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Well here's what happened.
I told him. I had gotten some calls from
friends accusing me of pranking him?? I
had had enough so I called him and just
yelled at his answering machine. I then
got on aim and did the same thing. I go
"okay zach I cant lie to you anymore" and
I told him.
Yah he goes "i understand and I stick by
your decision."
what??
He said he doesn't want his son to think
of him as a 'medical question up' and he
wants me to have him contact him when he's
'clean'
which is bs cuz zach only smokes on
occasion.
So he thinks he's getting a free ride.
But me and my mother are drawing up
paperwork. We're gonna have someone leave
it at vinces pasta and pizza where he
works and i'm gonna let him know that i'll
have a court date for mid-august to
early-sept. And I know he's gonna pull
the whole "it's not mine." so i'm gonna
give him alist of paternity testing places
and let him choose so it's legit.
Good idea?
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hopefulmjz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Mar 2005
Posts: 4777
Location: , USA
Thanks: 3
Thanked:11
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Posted: 02-20-06 14:36pm
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Yes, I think that's a very good idea.
You're right, you didn't just roll over
and become pregnant alone. It takes 2 to
tango!
So I wish you luck with your pregnancy,
and with your situation. I hope it all
works out for you!
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QueenBee2_3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006
Posts: 194
Location: CT U.S.
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Posted: 02-20-06 14:52pm
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| brookesmummy
wrote: | well here's what happened.
I told him. I had gotten some calls from
friends accusing me of pranking him?? I
had had enough so I called him and just
yelled at his answering machine. I then
got on aim and did the same thing. I go
"okay zach I cant lie to you anymore" and
I told him.
Yah he goes "i understand and I stick by
your decision."
what??
He said he doesn't want his son to think
of him as a '!@#^ up' and he wants me to
have him contact him when he's 'clean'
which is bs cuz zach only smokes on
occasion.
So he thinks he's getting a free ride.
But me and my mother are drawing up
paperwork. We're gonna have someone
leave it at vinces pasta and pizza where
he works and i'm gonna let him know that
i'll have a court date for mid-august to
early-sept. And I know he's gonna pull
the whole "it's not mine." so i'm gonna
give him alist of paternity testing places
and let him choose so it's legit.
Good idea? |
hmmm, well, if he contests paternity in
court, you shouldn't be paying for the
paternity test. The court will pay for
the test and he has to reimburse them if
it's his baby. Check locally to make
sure that's the case for you.
Whether he's "clean" or not doesn't
absolve him. If he thinks staying high
means he's off the hook, tough crap for
him, he'll get a rude awakening.
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~*~Jillian~*~
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Posts: 1759
Location: Tennessee, USA
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Posted: 02-20-06 15:12pm
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Very good idea...!! :wink:
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
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Posted: 02-20-06 15:47pm
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You and your mom are doing the right thing
as he shouldd be at least financially
responsible for his chid at least
partially as I am sure he does not make a
heck of a lot working at a pizza place but
some kind of ssupport is better than none
at all, I get so tired of these dead beat
fathers, I just hope that he is not
smoking anything serious that can have
some effect on the baby-to-be.
Good luck to you and yours!
And please, I am not judging you or
putting you down or jumping on you but
please get yourself on some type of birth
control after the birth of this baby.
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wannababy25
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Posts: 262
Location: Near Ottawa, ON
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Posted: 02-20-06 18:58pm
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Just wondering where you are from
brookesmummy?
Some here mentioned statutory rape...If
you are from the .U.S...Then yeah that's
possible. But if you're like me...And
live in .Canada...The legal age of consent
here is 14.
I'm glad to hear you told him about the
pregnancy. Wouldn't be fair to him or the
baby...No matter how much of a dead beat
he is. I'm wondering though what the
court date is all about?
Anyway...I wish you all the best and good
luck! :)
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MandysMama
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2006
Posts: 2
Location: U.S.A
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Posted: 02-20-06 19:06pm
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Wow, this is a huge mess! I think you
should tell him first off. If you think
it's going to be hard now to tell him that
he's going to have a son wait till your
boy is about 18 and you take him to meet
his dad. Well now his dad has a wife and
children and your popping out of no where
saying guess what you have a son! Hun, I
think it would much, much easier if you
sat down and talked to him. I know you
might dislike him but he deserves to know.
I'm going to tell you that i'm a young
mother and it wasn't easy to tell my
boyfriend but I did. He's a huge part of
my daughters life and were both still
together. I like how you admit that it's
your responsibility of getting pregnant
well you didn't make the baby yourself he
had a huge part in it. Your both
responsable for the child so you both
deserve to be in his life or for that
matter know your going to have a child.
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BrookesMummy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Feb 2006
Posts: 5
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Posted: 02-20-06 19:26pm
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I don't know if he'll contest paternnity.
In some ways I hope he does so I can make
him look like an fool. But will the court
make him pay me for the 9 months I had to
handle the baby on my own??? I can't just
sit down and talk to him. I think in a
way I gave him the idea he didn't have to
do anything. Now he has all his friends
out to get me. Like they all hate me.
And it's making me feel like i'm the girl
who ruined his life. But it did take 2 to
tango. He thinks that cuz iiiii decided
to keep it then iiii should have to deal
with it. And I don't want him to just be
a check to my son every month. And I
really do not want to call him or
anything. I just need to know how to
approach it.
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yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005
Posts: 5554
Location: FL
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Posted: 02-20-06 19:36pm
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Im confused do u want child support or
not? U cant force him to b there
unfortunately u had sex with an ass. Who
cares what his friends think they are his
friends not yours. And what do u mean the
9 months u have to handle im on your own?
If u mean after u give birth then yes he
would have to pay back child support but u
said he works in a pizza joint how much do
u think u are gunna get? The state can
garnish his wages if he refuses to pay and
works for a legit business. U dont need
him to help with your baby hes just a
sperm donor. Wheres brookes dad?
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QueenBee2_3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006
Posts: 194
Location: CT U.S.
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Posted: 02-20-06 20:03pm
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| brookesmummy
wrote: | | i don't know if he'll
contest paternnity. In some ways I hope
he does so I can make him look like an
fool. But will the court make him pay me
for the 9 months I had to handle the baby
on my own??? I can't just sit down and
talk to him. I think in a way I gave him
the idea he didn't have to do anything.
Now he has all his friends out to get me.
Like they all hate me. And it's making
me feel like i'm the girl who ruined his
life. But it did take 2 to tango. He
thinks that cuz iiiii decided to keep it
then iiii should have to deal with it.
And I don't want him to just be a check to
my son every month. And I really do not
want to call him or anything. I just
need to know how to approach
it. |
do you mean pay you for the 9 months of
pregnancy? No, you're responsible for
that. Your medical bills, taking care of
yourself, minimizing stress, delivery
bills and hospital bills... That's all on
you unless you're married and on his
insurance. Once the baby is born, he
needs to be held accountable and yes it
would be nice if he took accountability
now and was a support system for you, but
clearly that's not going to happen.
Whether he wants it or not, just because
you're the one to decide to keep the baby,
and just because doesn't want to does not
absolve him.
You really need to talk to a lawyer,
because once that baby is born, the baby
is legally and morally entitled to
financial support from his father even if
it's a pitiful amount of money. Ignore
his friends, deal with him. They sound
like a bunch of children in a very grown
up situation.
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BrookesMummy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Feb 2006
Posts: 5
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Posted: 02-20-06 20:21pm
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Brookes dad??
I have a restraining order against him cuz
he stole 1000 dollars from my moms bank
account when we broke up. I recently
started talking to him again. He was just
'my first high school relationship' which
resulted in a year and a pregnancy. He
will be 18 in march and his new girlfriend
is 6 months pregnant and she just turned
16.
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BrookesMummy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Feb 2006
Posts: 5
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Posted: 02-28-06 03:10am
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Well I did talk to our lawyer. And I
actually had a friend bring him paperwork
at work.
I asked him to please fill it out and
someone will be there to pick it up
tomorrow.
I still don't know if I should give him
the chance to be there.
I dont want to talk to him and vice versa.
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