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Teenage Father Help. Please.

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February 6th, 2006
Okay. So I just recently found out I was pregnant. I got pregnant before when I was 14 and had my beautiful daughter brooke. I am now 16. I was "hooking up" with this guy who will be 21 in april. I found out I was pregnant mid november. I wasnt planning on telling him considering the guy he is. I mean he's living with his parents in palmdale works at vinces pasta and pizza and smokes with all his friends. I told him and he was the biggest ass. So we pretty much just quit talking cuz all we did was argue. My mother then got really mad when she found out and called him to tell him I wasnt pregannt anymore. So as of this moment he thinks im not. I can't just up and tell him and it seems like things will be easier without zach in its life. He tried to tell me that it was my decision to keep it so iiii should have to deal with it. I mean I didnt "roll over and get pregnant" so in a way I think I should keep shut. But what do I do when he's born. I just found out it's a boy and I couldnt tell him years from now about his father. I just need to know how to approach the situation. His best friend knows but promised he wouldt say anything. But I kinda think if zach found out he still wouldnt care... I just need to know what to do.
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tigresacanela24
replied February 6th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Honestly i'd tell him. You don't want it on your conscience and besides he'll probably continue with that attitude. Then that's it, your responsibility toward that situation with him is over. It's a shame that we can't make people grow up and accept responsibility (well you can sue for child support to make him at least take financial responsibility). You'll have done your part and you'll have plenty of time to think of what to tell your son about his real father. Besides you know, there's someone out there for you and your son that will love you both the way you should be loved.
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QueenBee2_3
replied February 6th, 2006
Experienced User
Re: Teenage Father Help. Please.
As the father he has the right to know that he has a baby and that baby has the right to child support and a father. Since he's a legal adult (over 18 yrs old) what he did was statutory rape and he "could" be held accountable for that as well.
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Sunflower_pie81
replied February 6th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I think that you should tell him and let him take the responsibility of being or not being a father. You don't want to feel the burden of having to tell your child that you never gave him the chance to be a father. If he doesn't step up then you need to go after him for the financial responsibilities.

About the stat-rape thing....Need to make sure of the laws in your state and if you want to go that route then he will be in jail and not able to help with the monetary help that he would be forced to make if you take him to court.


Genipher
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mia7
replied February 6th, 2006
Experienced User
Let him know because he is the father
have him give you child support because it is his baby
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BrookesMummy
replied February 20th, 2006
Well here's what happened.

I told him. I had gotten some calls from friends accusing me of pranking him?? I had had enough so I called him and just yelled at his answering machine. I then got on aim and did the same thing. I go "okay zach I cant lie to you anymore" and I told him.

Yah he goes "i understand and I stick by your decision."
what??
He said he doesn't want his son to think of him as a '!**@! up' and he wants me to have him contact him when he's 'clean'
which is bs cuz zach only smokes on occasion.
So he thinks he's getting a free ride.
But me and my mother are drawing up paperwork. We're gonna have someone leave it at vinces pasta and pizza where he works and i'm gonna let him know that i'll have a court date for mid-august to early-sept. And I know he's gonna pull the whole "it's not mine." so i'm gonna give him alist of paternity testing places and let him choose so it's legit.
Good idea?
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hopefulmjz
replied February 20th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Yes, I think that's a very good idea. You're right, you didn't just roll over and become pregnant alone. It takes 2 to tango!
So I wish you luck with your pregnancy, and with your situation. I hope it all works out for you!
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QueenBee2_3
replied February 20th, 2006
Experienced User
brookesmummy wrote:
well here's what happened.



I told him. I had gotten some calls from friends accusing me of pranking him?? I had had enough so I called him and just yelled at his answering machine. I then got on aim and did the same thing. I go "okay zach I cant lie to you anymore" and I told him.



Yah he goes "i understand and I stick by your decision."



He said he doesn't want his son to think of him and he wants me to have him contact him when he's 'clean'
which is bs cuz zach only smokes on occasion.


So he thinks he's getting a free ride.


But me and my mother are drawing up paperwork. We're gonna have someone leave it at vinces pasta and pizza where he works and i'm gonna let him know that i'll have a court date for mid-august to early-sept. And I know he's gonna pull the whole "it's not mine." so i'm gonna give him alist of paternity testing places and let him choose so it's legit.
Good idea?


hmmm, well, if he contests paternity in court, you shouldn't be paying for the paternity test. The court will pay for the test and he has to reimburse them if it's his baby. Check locally to make sure that's the case for you.

Whether he's "clean" or not doesn't absolve him. If he thinks staying high means he's off the hook, tough crap for him, he'll get a rude awakening.
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~*~Jillian~*~
replied February 20th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Very good idea...!! :wink:
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sandyallen
replied February 20th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
You and your mom are doing the right thing as he shouldd be at least financially responsible for his chid at least partially as I am sure he does not make a heck of a lot working at a pizza place but some kind of ssupport is better than none at all, I get so tired of these dead beat fathers, I just hope that he is not smoking anything serious that can have some effect on the baby-to-be.
Good luck to you and yours!
And please, I am not judging you or putting you down or jumping on you but please get yourself on some type of birth control after the birth of this baby.
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wannababy25
replied February 20th, 2006
Experienced User
Just wondering where you are from brookesmummy?
Some here mentioned statutory rape...If you are from the .U.S...Then yeah that's possible. But if you're like me...And live in .Canada...The legal age of consent here is 14.

I'm glad to hear you told him about the pregnancy. Wouldn't be fair to him or the baby...No matter how much of a dead beat he is. I'm wondering though what the court date is all about?

Anyway...I wish you all the best and good luck! :)
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MandysMama
replied February 20th, 2006
Wow, this is a huge mess! I think you should tell him first off. If you think it's going to be hard now to tell him that he's going to have a son wait till your boy is about 18 and you take him to meet his dad. Well now his dad has a wife and children and your popping out of no where saying guess what you have a son! Hun, I think it would much, much easier if you sat down and talked to him. I know you might dislike him but he deserves to know. I'm going to tell you that i'm a young mother and it wasn't easy to tell my boyfriend but I did. He's a huge part of my daughters life and were both still together. I like how you admit that it's your responsibility of getting pregnant well you didn't make the baby yourself he had a huge part in it. Your both responsable for the child so you both deserve to be in his life or for that matter know your going to have a child.
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BrookesMummy
replied February 20th, 2006
I don't know if he'll contest paternnity. In some ways I hope he does so I can make him look like an idiot. But will the court make him pay me for the 9 months I had to handle the baby on my own??? I can't just sit down and talk to him. I think in a way I gave him the idea he didn't have to do anything. Now he has all his friends out to get me. Like they all hate me. And it's making me feel like i'm the girl who ruined his life. But it did take 2 to tango. He thinks that cuz iiiii decided to keep it then iiii should have to deal with it. And I don't want him to just be a check to my son every month. And I really do not want to call him or anything. I just need to know how to approach it.
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yellow ribbon
replied February 20th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Im confused do u want child support or not? U cant force him to b there unfortunately u had sex with an ass. Who cares what his friends think they are his friends not yours. And what do u mean the 9 months u have to handle im on your own? If u mean after u give birth then yes he would have to pay back child support but u said he works in a pizza joint how much do u think u are gunna get? The state can garnish his wages if he refuses to pay and works for a legit business. U dont need him to help with your baby hes just a sperm donor. Wheres brookes dad?
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QueenBee2_3
replied February 20th, 2006
Experienced User
brookesmummy wrote:
i don't know if he'll contest paternnity. In some ways I hope he does so I can make him look like an idiot. But will the court make him pay me for the 9 months I had to handle the baby on my own??? I can't just sit down and talk to him. I think in a way I gave him the idea he didn't have to do anything. Now he has all his friends out to get me. Like they all hate me. And it's making me feel like i'm the girl who ruined his life. But it did take 2 to tango. He thinks that cuz iiiii decided to keep it then iiii should have to deal with it. And I don't want him to just be a check to my son every month. And I really do not want to call him or anything. I just need to know how to approach it.



do you mean pay you for the 9 months of pregnancy? No, you're responsible for that. Your medical bills, taking care of yourself, minimizing stress, delivery bills and hospital bills... That's all on you unless you're married and on his insurance. Once the baby is born, he needs to be held accountable and yes it would be nice if he took accountability now and was a support system for you, but clearly that's not going to happen.

Whether he wants it or not, just because you're the one to decide to keep the baby, and just because doesn't want to does not absolve him.

You really need to talk to a lawyer, because once that baby is born, the baby is legally and morally entitled to financial support from his father even if it's a pitiful amount of money. Ignore his friends, deal with him. They sound like a bunch of children in a very grown up situation.
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BrookesMummy
replied February 20th, 2006
Brookes dad??

I have a restraining order against him cuz he stole 1000 dollars from my moms bank account when we broke up. I recently started talking to him again. He was just 'my first high school relationship' which resulted in a year and a pregnancy. He will be 18 in march and his new girlfriend is 6 months pregnant and she just turned 16.
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BrookesMummy
replied February 28th, 2006
Well I did talk to our lawyer. And I actually had a friend bring him paperwork at work.

I asked him to please fill it out and someone will be there to pick it up tomorrow.

I still don't know if I should give him the chance to be there.

I dont want to talk to him and vice versa.
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