That is great. The reason I asked is it is a proven fact that men who help out with the house chores, and with the kids, get sex more often than those who do not. This is because the woman in not left feeling like a stepping stone maid, who at the end of the day has little energy to give anymore of herself.
And as for the intimate nonsexual moments, those are the little things that help to keep a relationship strong throughout time. Simple hugging, kissing, and kind words at least once a day are healthy actions to help keep the relationship facing in a positive direction. I think too often couples lose sight of how to be intimate without it immediately leading to sex.
Often couples who have been together many years lose sight of what is important to them in the relationship. They begin focusing on the negative aspects of the other person. Then they start to dwell on those, becoming irritated. Before long the bickering and nitpicking begins, and it snowballs. The desire and ability to communicate in a positive manner is lost. The negativity starts to consume everything.
The above paragraph is often the result of a need not being met within the person who is not happy, and starts the nitpicking, etc. Sometimes the person may not even be able to realize why they are feeling as they are. Instead, they begin to lash out at others, blaming them for the way they are feeling inside. Until that person realizes that the problem lies not with others, but within themselves, and then digs deep to find the root cause of the feelings, the viscious cycle will continue.
I think this may very well be where your wife is at now. She needs to identify what is making her feel the way she is. Once she identifies it, then maybe she can start learning how to deal with those feelings in a positive way. As of right now she is still unsure of what is going on within herself, and as a result is slowly closing herself off to all relationships in her life. This is very unhealthy.
It will depend on your wife how this will play out. It may be that she is willing to allow you to help her identify and work through her feelings. It may be that she feels as if this is something that she will have to deal with on her own. Maybe she is even afraid to try to identify her feelings and their causes right now.
The only thing that you can do for her right now is to try talking to her. Let her know that whatever she may be feeling and going through, that you are there for her in any way that she needs you. Let her know that you will not judge her in any way. Please note that it isn't your job to "fix" her problems. She will have to find the solutions on her own. You are merely to provide emotional support for her along the way. Your main job will be to listen to what she needs to say, without judgement. She may ask for your opinion/advice, and you can indeed give it to her. However, never try to force her to feel as if your way/opinion is the only correct path to a conclusion.
It may help to start by being honest with her. Find a quiet time when it is just the two of you, without any interruptions. Tell her that you would like to talk to her, and tell her your feelings. It is important here to describe to her how you view sex with her. Maybe she needs to be reminded that you do not see her as only a hole to stick it in. Remind her that you see having sex with her as a way for you to love her more deeply, and how it makes you love her that much more, all over again. Tell her how happy it makes you that she is the mother of your children, and your wife, how she makes each and every day more meaningful just because she is there to share it with you. Tell her that you miss having sex with her, because you miss feeling close to her, that you miss that deep connection you once shared.
That is just a start. You may see this as being too mushy, but I guarantee every single woman alive needs to hear these things, and hear them often enough. Men need to hear those types as things as well. It is human nature. Each of us has a great need to be deeply and freely appreciated and loved, without the worry of having to give in return. Maybe it will help to open her door to communication.
