Infidelity isn't really the right word, but I figured it would draw the attention of those whose advice I really need.
My girlfriend and I of 6 years recently split up. We had a great relationship for a while, and then things began to get sour. We would fight constantly, and I simply couldn't take it anymore. Every day I would drag my feet on the way home from work, dreading going home to her because I knew we would fight. It was just awful. One day I suggested that we take a break and she threw me out. She didn't just throw me out, she was screaming at me and hitting me. She wouldn't even let me collect my things. She called her parents and told them to come over beacause I was beating her. (i never hit her) I was mortified. Her parents managed to calm her down for long enough for me to leave, which I did.
For two months after that I missed her horribly. I didn't know how to move on and, by the suggestion of some friends, I went to las vegas with some buddies. Vegas may be a party city, and party we did, but I never slept with any of the girls there nor really got involved beyond kissing and flirting. I take sex way too seriously to do it anonimously. When I got home I went to see a friend of mine who is a girl, to discuss why my girlfriend (at that time my ex) and I were having such problems and how I could possibly move on. I needed to get a girl's perspective on things. Little did I know that she decided to call my grilfriend and talk to her about her. I did not ask her to do this, she did it independently.
So what did my ex do? She freaked out. She heard I had been to vegas, her guy friends told her I probably was sleeping with hookers, and then she gets a call from this girl who she suspected I was sleeping with. One night she was drunk and on pain killers (she had broken her ankle). One of our mutual friends, who happens to be her ex, took her out to the bar that night. Later, when they got home, he helped her back up to her room (i have been told because she had a broken ankle and was drunk). She decided that if I was sleeping around, the best thing to do was to do the same. To make a long and horrific story short, she dropped her clothes then and there and the two of them had sex.
Now we are trying to work things out. She and I have been talking and our relationship would be much better. We understand why we used to fight all of the time and we are great friends now. I just can't get over what she did, though. She acted impulsively throwing me out and she acted impulsively sleeping with one of our friends. I am so angry that if I see this guy again, I fear I will attack him, and I don't want to do that. I am not a violent person, but I am extremely angry.
It helps to know that the sex was horrible and he meant nothing. It helps to know he has a tiny you know what and that I could easily take him if I wanted to fight him. I know this is wrong, however. I just don't know how to cope with this. He was my friend and should have known better. I used to think of my girl as a lady. Now I think of her as a slut. I can't touch her without feeling totally repulsed and envisioning them together. I just don't know what to do.
I told her, and she believes, that I am going to sleep with someone else as well. She is fine with this. I don't know if I should even could go through with it. I just want the pain to stop.
All of my friends know what happened now. He told everyone that they had sex and it was awesome. She has told my friends that she was drunk and stupid and hates him, but now they all accuse her of crying rape for saying that he took advantage of the situation.
I have removed myself from my friends for the sake of not hearing about this. Now I am all alone. I have no friends and my love life is destroyed. How can I get over this?? I am totally losing it and feeling suicidal. I can't eat or sleep. My work is getting to be a mess and I fear I could lose my job. Please, any advice would help.
My suggestion is this first off I would highly reccomend you see a professional counsler to help you through this time. Not because you are crazy just to help you sort through the difficulties. Maybe even suggest seeing one as a couple. Second I would not reccomend that you sleep with someone else, it won't make you feel better and it can only add tot he problems. Thrid of all and very important I would ask her to get tested for any std's, if she wasn't fully aware and he's that mch of a jerk who knows if he was careful or not. You need a strong support system or someone you trust to help you. You should take whatever time you need to work through these issues without worrying about getting back together. It's important that you both deal with all that's happened seperately before you try to become a couple again. Also listen to your gut if it's telling you she's not the one becuase of her behavior you might want to listen. She might not be ready for the same things you are.