Hello, I am new here, and would like some
support.
Here is my story. I am 25 and a mother of
two. I have been full-blown bulimic for 1
year this month. I eat a ton, and throw
up anywhere from 3-5 times a day. I hid
it from everyone. My youngest daughter is
18 months, and I started doing it when she
was about 6 months old. Never would have
even thought about doing it before that.
I had an abortion (twins) last june, and
things seem to have gotten worse since
then. I felt like I was dying. I was 185
pounds and 5'3" when I started, and now am
125. I had been overweight since the
birth of my oldest daughter, who is now
8..And was sooo tired of it. I thought
that this was the answer. I was wrong.
Last week I finally told my boyfriend of 5
years and my doctor. The only reason I
came out with it, is because I started
having chest pains, and really thought
that I was dying. Sometimes I still think
that.
Before I told them, I had a hospital trip
for chest pains, which they told me was
esophogitis. I didn't want to ever
experience that pain again, so I told
myself that I would stop on my own.....I
didn't....And last week, it happened
again..
I was in so much pain, and was so scared,
that I told my doc and boyfriend. I
didn't b/p for the next 5 days, and
started to feel really great. Then last
friday I started again, only not as
much....Today I didn't do it at all, ate
something, then laid down. When I woke up
I had another attack. I went to the er
again.
I am sooo scared, and in so much pain, I
wonder if there is not more damage than
they are thinking. Nonetheless, I am so
afraid of gaining weight, that I can't
seem to stop. Even though I know that it
causes so much pain. But to "be good"
today, and have it happen anyway was
devastating. I wonder if my body will
ever be normal again.
I am trying to get through this and
maintain my healthy weight in a healthy
way....But it seems impossible...
I don't know what to do....And don't want
to be admitted to a hospital.
Any advice, please.
Is it possible to get through this without
gaining more than 15 pounds?? Will the
pain ever stop??
I have had no other pain, no bloody vomit,
etc...Just the heartburn/espophogus
pain..Some heart pain, etc. It is just
really scary and dishearting.
Thank you for listening.
|
fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3050 Location: Georgia, USA
Posted: 01-30-06 01:00am
This condition usually stems from a hunger
to be in control, of your friends
relationships, your mom and dads divorce,
your emotionally crippled friend-- all
who need help. And because you feel you
have failed them in some way--because they
would not take your advice. You become
on this never ending downward spiral,
where you begin to do harm to your self.
This is how I understand this
condition--if I am wrong please let me
know!!
Now I dont know what your cases may
be--but this is just for example sake. I
know all you ever want in your life is to
help, the ones you love and guide them out
of their problems and into a nice happy
place. It is a wonderful thing to wanna
help them, but not at your own harm.
Then eventually you are your case too--you
feel "not in control" of your weight
problem, so this is your way to fix it.
And wallah-- never ending downward spiral.
You have to re-learn how to be good to
yourself. And to realize all these other
things will work themselves out--and that
we do not have any control over what a
person will do or not do.
I am so sorry to hear of this problem you
are having. Please do your best to get
the medical and emotional help that you
need here. I will be praying for you,
sweetie. May .God's light shine on you
at this very moment. That .He may give
you comfort and the wisdom to learn how to
deal with this thing that torments you.
In .Jesus name I pray--and I will continue
to pray for you. .God bless you and your
babies.
|
7lily
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006 Posts: 11
Thank You. Posted: 01-30-06 01:41am
Thank you for your kind words. You are
right. I know, for a fact....My boyfriend
loved me when I was 185...He will love me
no matter what. And I need to learn to
love myself....Even at 185, if that be the
case.
It is just so scary to have so much pain
inside medically (especially tonight),
that I have trouble even caring for my
children on my own. Thank god my
boyfriend is here to help and support me.
I just want the internal pain to stop.
Now. And even when I stop b/p...It is
still here. I pray that I haven't done
any permanent damage to my health. And I
guess that is what I am looking
for...Words of encouragement, also, on
that end.....
Anyone with similar stories?? Was the
damage permanent or fixable by doctors,
etc? I have great medical insurance...Not
only are they going to pay for my
counseling...But for any medical problems
I might have....If they are
repairable....
If anyone out there has had worse pain,
and made it though, please let me know so
that I can sleep at least until I get
checked out further.
Thank you....And thank you again for your
kind and inspirational reply....Really, it
did help. :)
|
7lily
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006 Posts: 11
P.s. Posted: 01-30-06 01:52am
The main thing worrying me tonight....As I
have had this "attack" three times
now....
Is that my neck really, really hurts. It
seems to be my glands....They are sore.
Is this normal? In the three "attacks"
this is the first time this has happened.
I am really scared.
Thanks again, sorry if I sound overly
paranoid to anyone. But sometimes I am
afraid to go to sleep at night...Because I
fear that I will not wake up... The
doctors at the er and my doctor, even
though they seem to really know what they
are doing, and I really trust
them.....They don't seem to want to run
many tests, because they don't think that
much damage has been done and they "have
seen worse cases of bulimia"..."especially
in med-school"....
I totally understand what they are saying,
and that they have seen worse...But I want
tests done, because something doesn't feel
right.
And tonight my glands and my stomach are
my most prevalent worry.
My neck hurts. I have taken 3 1/2
vicodin, and it still hurts. Scary.
|
lonely_angel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 128 Location: missouri
Posted: 02-01-06 22:06pm
Hey well I think that you should ask your
doctors to run tests. Just tell them that
you feel something isn't right and things
like that. I mean you should always trust
your instinct. About the swollen glands
that is normal with people who are
bulimic.
