Eating Disorders Forum - My Story

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Q: My Story - Newbie

asked by: 7lily on January 30th, 2006

New User

Hello, I am new here, and would like some support.
Here is my story. I am 25 and a mother of two. I have been full-blown bulimic for 1 year this month. I eat a ton, and throw up anywhere from 3-5 times a day. I hid it from everyone. My youngest daughter is 18 months, and I started doing it when she was about 6 months old. Never would have even thought about doing it before that.
I had an abortion (twins) last june, and things seem to have gotten worse since then. I felt like I was dying. I was 185 pounds and 5'3" when I started, and now am 125. I had been overweight since the birth of my oldest daughter, who is now 8..And was sooo tired of it. I thought that this was the answer. I was wrong.
Last week I finally told my boyfriend of 5 years and my doctor. The only reason I came out with it, is because I started having chest pains, and really thought that I was dying. Sometimes I still think that.
Before I told them, I had a hospital trip for chest pains, which they told me was esophogitis. I didn't want to ever experience that pain again, so I told myself that I would stop on my own.....I didn't....And last week, it happened again..
I was in so much pain, and was so scared, that I told my doc and boyfriend. I didn't b/p for the next 5 days, and started to feel really great. Then last friday I started again, only not as much....Today I didn't do it at all, ate something, then laid down. When I woke up I had another attack. I went to the er again.
I am sooo scared, and in so much pain, I wonder if there is not more damage than they are thinking. Nonetheless, I am so afraid of gaining weight, that I can't seem to stop. Even though I know that it causes so much pain. But to "be good" today, and have it happen anyway was devastating. I wonder if my body will ever be normal again.
I am trying to get through this and maintain my healthy weight in a healthy way....But it seems impossible...
I don't know what to do....And don't want to be admitted to a hospital.
Any advice, please.
Is it possible to get through this without gaining more than 15 pounds?? Will the pain ever stop??
I have had no other pain, no bloody vomit, etc...Just the heartburn/espophogus pain..Some heart pain, etc. It is just really scary and dishearting.
Thank you for listening.

Replies(4)

fatfamily02

replied on January 30th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

This condition usually stems from a hunger to be in control, of your friends relationships, your mom and dads divorce, your emotionally crippled friend-- all who need help. And because you feel you have failed them in some way--because they would not take your advice. You become on this never ending downward spiral, where you begin to do harm to your self. This is how I understand this condition--if I am wrong please let me know!!

Now I dont know what your cases may be--but this is just for example sake. I know all you ever want in your life is to help, the ones you love and guide them out of their problems and into a nice happy place. It is a wonderful thing to wanna help them, but not at your own harm. Then eventually you are your case too--you feel "not in control" of your weight problem, so this is your way to fix it. And wallah-- never ending downward spiral. You have to re-learn how to be good to yourself. And to realize all these other things will work themselves out--and that we do not have any control over what a person will do or not do.

I am so sorry to hear of this problem you are having. Please do your best to get the medical and emotional help that you need here. I will be praying for you, sweetie. May .God's light shine on you at this very moment. That .He may give you comfort and the wisdom to learn how to deal with this thing that torments you. In .Jesus name I pray--and I will continue to pray for you. .God bless you and your babies.

7lily

replied on January 30th, 2006

New User

Thank You.

Thank you for your kind words. You are right. I know, for a fact....My boyfriend loved me when I was 185...He will love me no matter what. And I need to learn to love myself....Even at 185, if that be the case.
It is just so scary to have so much pain inside medically (especially tonight), that I have trouble even caring for my children on my own. Thank god my boyfriend is here to help and support me.
I just want the internal pain to stop. Now. And even when I stop b/p...It is still here. I pray that I haven't done any permanent damage to my health. And I guess that is what I am looking for...Words of encouragement, also, on that end.....
Anyone with similar stories?? Was the damage permanent or fixable by doctors, etc? I have great medical insurance...Not only are they going to pay for my counseling...But for any medical problems I might have....If they are repairable....
If anyone out there has had worse pain, and made it though, please let me know so that I can sleep at least until I get checked out further.
Thank you....And thank you again for your kind and inspirational reply....Really, it did help. :)

7lily

replied on January 30th, 2006

New User

P.s.

The main thing worrying me tonight....As I have had this "attack" three times now....
Is that my neck really, really hurts. It seems to be my glands....They are sore.
Is this normal? In the three "attacks" this is the first time this has happened. I am really scared.
Thanks again, sorry if I sound overly paranoid to anyone. But sometimes I am afraid to go to sleep at night...Because I fear that I will not wake up... The doctors at the er and my doctor, even though they seem to really know what they are doing, and I really trust them.....They don't seem to want to run many tests, because they don't think that much damage has been done and they "have seen worse cases of bulimia"..."especially in med-school"....
I totally understand what they are saying, and that they have seen worse...But I want tests done, because something doesn't feel right.
And tonight my glands and my stomach are my most prevalent worry.
My neck hurts. I have taken 3 1/2 vicodin, and it still hurts. Scary.

lonely_angel

replied on February 1st, 2006

Experienced User

Hey well I think that you should ask your doctors to run tests. Just tell them that you feel something isn't right and things like that. I mean you should always trust your instinct. About the swollen glands that is normal with people who are bulimic.

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