Ending a Relationship Forum - Too Little, Too Late?

My husband & I are going on 6 years of marriage--we've been together a total of 9 years.

I've recently concluded that i'm not in love with him anymore. He's a nice guy, a great friend, but our relationship is more of a friendship with the occasional bed-buddy benefits. Everything about us is separate...Our bills, bank accounts, everything. We just started sleeping under the same comforter 6 mos. Ago because I thought it might help us to be closer.

I'm at the point of walking out, and he's telling me how much he loves me, is in love with me, needs me, etc. Problem is, we go through this cycle every 3-4 months...He's great for a few weeks, then reverts back to annoying the he!! Out of me. I'm more like his mom than his wife.

I'm 26 and have really come into my own, and it's not who I used to be (we met when I was 17) or who I think he needs. I'm very outgoing & like to be active & he doesn't (he's 30).

He finally decided to go to counseling, but I think it's too little, too late.

I know what I want to do, but i'm so worried about destroying him--especially since he's finally in love with me the way he should have been years ago.

Any been in a similar situation?

Replies(7)

lsipes

replied on January 27th, 2006

Experienced User

My situation was quite different. But I will say that I think you should give it a shot. You may surprised at what councelling can do. You may think you're no longer in love with him but there is that possibility that it's just hidden behind all the annoyance. If you know he really loves you, I say give it a couple of months. And really put yourself into it. And try. Hard. You wouldn't want to do anything you will regret.
If you really feel that you can't be with him anymore (the key is finding things you both enjoy and enjoying them together, in my opinion), then good luck in you decision. Ultimately, you know what's best for you and you know what you're feeling better than anyone. I just think that discussing it with a neutral person (councelor) may help. Good luck!

Lillyvan777

replied on January 28th, 2006

New User

Try

It sounds like your husband has some really good quality's and believe me, they are hard to come by. The older you get the harder it is to find a good guy. I would try the couselor. It's get that he is willing to try, and if that doesn't help, than leave. But give it all you have first so you will have no regrets, just my thoughts. Good luck to you.

undecidedInCO

replied on January 30th, 2006

New User

Thank you for your resopnses. I'm going to see what the counselor can offer us...At least that way I can say I tried everything...

lil_blaze2004

replied on January 30th, 2006

Supporter

I'm kind of in the same boat except we have a baby involved. But I too think I just am not in love with him anymore and everything he does annoys me. I talked to mine about counseling and he laughed so at least yours is willing to try. But if the feelings aren't there then all the counseling in the world won't make it better.

Ah gosh i'm no good at giving advice in this stuff-sorry

undecidedInCO

replied on January 30th, 2006

New User

Mine used to scoff at the idea of counseling...We tried group counseling once & it got to be sooo stressful to hear him whine about having to go that it was just easier to deal with him and not go...It's at the point that there's no option.

I am thankful that there aren't any kids involved...That must be very hard.

It's just a feeling in my head & heart that the love isn't there anymore. I'm glad he's in love with me now, but why wasn't he acting this way for the past 8 years when I actually was in love with him...Why does it take me threatening to leave for him to straighten up?

Funny thing is, this is how the cycle goes...He'll be great for 2-3 weeks then be a jerk again.

Good luck to you...Hopefully we'll both get things worked out soon!

MizzPurty28

replied on March 1st, 2006

New User

I was also on the opposite end of yourself. I was my ex husband for 8 years but he wasn't in love with me anymore. He felt sorry for me and didn't think I could support myself financially. He went on to have an affair which hurt me terribly. It made him feel less worse if I was the one ending the marriage because he forced me into it. He should have let me go years earlier and been straight with me, would have hurt so much less. Eventually you are going to meet someone you want to be with in every way. Get out now so you won't have an affair hanging over your head. Don't keep the poor man on a hook. If it's over in your book, let him know it sooner rather than later. You will be doing each other a favor and he will respect you afterwards if you do it the right way.

DigitalPhotoD70

replied on May 16th, 2006

New User

It is never easy. I say if you think you can love him again do what you are doing and try but some people won't change. In my divorce I didn't realize until it was too late what a caca I was. Not saying it was all my fault but I should have tried harder sooner. If you try now you will feel better later despite what happens.

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