|First thing is you are not alone, ive had schizophrenia for 20+ years so I know what it feels like to feel alone and all the despair etc with it.
I feel suicidal even now at times but I know if I go to sleep I will feel better when I wake up. Youve got to find a way that works for you to get rid of the suicidal thoughts. I,m glad I didnt manage to kill myself all those years ago when I tried, you will be glad too.
Being like this is a learning time, youve got to learn how to cope and what
works for you. If you need company , join a small group of somesort, preferably one that does your hobby or likes in life, this will open you out a little. Theres 6 billion people in the world, your not short of finding anyone to talk to. Theres more women out there than men too so dont be shy joining a dating agency or something similar. Just dont depress them, poeple dont like depression stuffed on them, this is where self discipline comes and learning comes in.
Control yourself first and find the cut off switch to your suicidal thoughts and your on your way.
Give yourself an aim to keep you going, I make targets every year to reach, either make enough to get a holiday or buy something big.
Theres never a quick solution to everything, keep looking and you will find what helps you.
P.S. Cry as much as you like, if it helps do it more.
Keep your chin up