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Q: Emotionally Hurt By An Ex
asked by: katie2020 on January 22nd, 2006
New User
I recently broken up with my ex because of something that he has been hiding from me for many years. I am 26 and have been dating him since 23. He have a slight degree of mental illness since he was 6 and refused to tell me until two weeks ago when I went to his house and accidentally find his ssi check on his living room table. I asked him why is he receiving ssi money, he then told me the whole story. He then took me to a quiet place and told me that he wants to separate from me. He is afraid that his condition will upset me so that's why he kept from telling me. Now I found out and he said we have to separate. I asked him what I can do to help him. He said to forget it. I went home crying the whole night and couldn't get up the next morning for work. Because he is my first love, I was very emotionally hurt. I really don't understand why this happen to me. For instance, am I stupid to not realize his disease? Why did I choose him at start? Will my friends laugh at me if they find out?
Right now the only thing I can think of is smoking and drinking to get rid of this sadness. What should I do? What is the problem with me? Was I wrong or right from start?
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Kittykatus
replied on January 31st, 2006
Experienced User
Oh I have gone through that- the what if questions; 'what if I did this....' 'why didn't I see it?' you can't beat yourself up with these questions cause you'll build a picture which isn't the real image.

First loves can either be well remebered or end horribly. Heck mine did lol! But depsite my hurt, i'm laughing it off cause I can;t let it get me down; life is open to us both, my friend.

Some partners hide stuff purely for either protection, embarassment, shame, etc. And the fact he didn't tell you after all these years suggest that maybe he just didn't see it as a major problem to tell you. It is in a case of health, and that it's disobeying trust. But i'm sure that you can work this out. He can't let you go after so many years; it's almost impossible; even for the person who has a heart of stone.

Keep strong hunni,

kitty
:)
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Melissa_20
replied on February 16th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
I understand.My current bf has a heart condition but he didn't tell me.I found out from a mutual friend and they said he could die from it.I didn''t go to him about it instead,i hinted sometimes to it,only when something similar came up though. He finally told me the other day.I don't know why he didn't tell me in the first place but either he was scared or he thought it was too pointless to tell me.When he did tell me he said before when he was seeing this doctor for 20 years up north and the doctor said nothing about his heart.Now he moved to fl and the new doctor is telling him he need not eat too much red meat during the week and his cholesterol is high and so on.He trusts his doctor more there than here so he pays him no attention.
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stefanie
replied on March 14th, 2006
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Hi

that is terrible that he has kept something like that from you for so long, be glad that it's over after all you can not have a healthy relationship with someone who will not be honest with you.

And I would talk to your friends if you have good friends that will support you and be there for you while you get over this, also trust me drinking and smoking will never change or solve anything but make you feel worse.

Talk it out with friends cry and move on

take care hope you feel better
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Melissa_20
replied on March 15th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
You know what though,maybe he was scared to tell you.It's not like he has something contagious and ha passed it on to you.He didn;t tell you and that was wrong but put yourself in his position and think what you would do. . .He broke it off in fear of losing you and he does not want to see you hurt.I know it hurts you to think he hid something from you but please try to understand
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