Admits He's a Porn Addict Posted: 01-20-06 21:55pm
I have been seeing this guy for about a
year.
A few months ago, I found out he was
calling dating hotlines and signed up for
dating sites... Such as passion.Com which
seemed more like sexual hookups than real
relationships. He apologized and says he
doesn't do that anymore.
Last month, when he came over to stay the
night, I went out to rent us a movie.
Later on when he left, I realized he was
looking at porn on my laptop. He denied
it at first and said things like "i swear
to god I didn't." later on, he
apologized.
Yesterday, when he came over again, I had
to leave for work. I come back and
realized he was searching for porn to
download on my laptop again. He said he
got bored waiting for me. He said he
cancelled the downloads before they
finished. They were deleted so I dont
know whether or not he viewed them
already.
He admits he's a porn addict. He says
what he does has nothing to do with how he
feels about me. The first time I caught
him, I told him I was hurt. Now i'm mad
he did it a second time. He apologizes,
but I dont know what to do anymore.
Seems like he has no respect for me.
We only have sex about once a week. And
when we do, it lasts for maybe 5 minutes,
even less. He doesn't go down on me.
He suggests we rent a porn and watch it
together and do everything they do, but
after catching him with porn twice, and
calling datelines... I've lost interest
in sex with him. It makes me feel
unwanted.
He has this collection of pictures of one
of his female friends who I had suspected
he was trying to hook up with. He even
has a picture of her ass. What makes me
sad is that he has no pictures of me at
all. His myspace profile says single.
He doesn't like to hold my hand in public
because he isn't that kind of guy. All
those things would normally lead me to
believe i'm just a sex buddy, but the fact
that he brings me around to his house to
his family and friends, even during
holidays, I feel as though he really is
interested in me as in a relationship.
I caught him trying to download porn
yesterday and now I am mad, on the verge
of wanting to tell him I dont want to see
him anymore.
But i'm afraid i'm making a mistake.
Just because he enjoys porn and sex, that
doesn't mean he doesn't love me and want
to be with me?
Right now, we are not talking. He told
me to call him when I wanted to talk to
him.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2486 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:10
Re: Admits He's a Porn Addict Posted: 01-21-06 00:39am
ilovelucy12345
wrote:
i have been seeing this guy
for about a year.
A few months ago, I found out he was
calling dating hotlines and signed up for
dating sites... Such as passion.Com
which seemed more like sexual hookups than
real relationships. He apologized and
says he doesn't do that anymore.
Last month, when he came over to stay the
night, I went out to rent us a movie.
Later on when he left, I realized he was
looking at porn on my laptop. He denied
it at first and said things like "i swear
to god I didn't." later on, he
apologized.
Yesterday, when he came over again, I had
to leave for work. I come back and
realized he was searching for porn to
download on my laptop again. He said he
got bored waiting for me. He said he
cancelled the downloads before they
finished. They were deleted so I dont
know whether or not he viewed them
already.
He admits he's a porn addict. He says
what he does has nothing to do with how he
feels about me. The first time I caught
him, I told him I was hurt. Now i'm mad
he did it a second time. He apologizes,
but I dont know what to do anymore.
Seems like he has no respect for me.
We only have sex about once a week. And
when we do, it lasts for maybe 5 minutes,
even less. He doesn't go down on me.
He suggests we rent a porn and watch it
together and do everything they do, but
after catching him with porn twice, and
calling datelines... I've lost interest
in sex with him. It makes me feel
unwanted.
He has this collection of pictures of one
of his female friends who I had suspected
he was trying to hook up with. He even
has a picture of her ass. What makes me
sad is that he has no pictures of me at
all. His myspace profile says single.
He doesn't like to hold my hand in public
because he isn't that kind of guy. All
those things would normally lead me to
believe i'm just a sex buddy, but the fact
that he brings me around to his house to
his family and friends, even during
holidays, I feel as though he really is
interested in me as in a relationship.
I caught him trying to download porn
yesterday and now I am mad, on the verge
of wanting to tell him I dont want to see
him anymore.
But i'm afraid i'm making a mistake.
Just because he enjoys porn and sex, that
doesn't mean he doesn't love me and want
to be with me?
Right now, we are no
t talking. He told me to call him when
I wanted to talk to
him.
i don't know what your intentions are with
this man but if you ask me I wouldn't
marry a man like that.
|
teach486
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2005 Posts: 276 Location: US
Posted: 01-21-06 10:35am
Porn can become a severe addiction, just
like addiction to pot, smoking, coccaine,
heroine, etc. Unless he is willing to
receive help to overcome his addiction he
will never change. And most likely in his
mind he is doing nothing wrong, so his
willingness to change is slim.
You will have to decide the outcome. Are
you going to just deal with his addiction,
accept it as part of who he is? Or, are
you going to tell him how it makes you
feel, and give him an ultimatum...Me or
the porn?
Whichever you decide just prepare yourself
for the consequences of your decision. I
personally do not like porn myself. If I
were in your shoes I would give the
ultimatum, and if I caught him at it again
I would follow through with it and leave.
To me, the man in my life should respect
me enough to be considerate of my
feelings. If he loved me enough then he
would do what was necessary to overcome
the problem in order to save the
relationship.
|
ilovelucy12345
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2006 Posts: 3
Posted: 01-21-06 13:55pm
I dont get why he needs porn and have sex
with his hand.
He is a really good looking guy. He is a
really smooth guy. He has had many
partners in the past and can easily get
anyone he wanted.
Girls, women, even gays always notice him
and come up to him to try to hook up.
What I hate about him is the fact that he
always portrays himself as this "good
boy." he used to say he was disgusted at
the fact that his brother had a duffle bag
full of porn. He used to say "why do I
need it when I got you" (that was the
night before he downloaded porn at my
house).
I think im just using this board to vent,
which is a good thing.
|
stefanie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 33
Posted: 03-14-06 18:58pm
It's one thing to look at porn
occasionally, it can even be erotic and
add a nice spice to a love/sex life if you
two look at it together.
However, I don't think he is just mearly
addicted to porn, he sounds like a non
commitment kind of guy who just wants sex
and one nighters with whoever. What kind
of bf dosen't want to hold hands in
public, or be into his gf. I would
consider telling him good bye!!!!
You can do much better love, he's not the
kind of man you should waste your time on,
if my bf was looking up porn all the time
and not showing any interest in me, going
on dating sites or lines, and especially
having another girls ass as a pic, I would
say good bye!!!! He's not worth it!
Take care and let us know how your doing
about it
|
ashlee_veronica
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006 Posts: 88 Location: New York
Posted: 03-16-06 22:21pm
I've been studing psychology and sexual
health for almost 5 years now and i've
read a lot about men who develop
addictions to porn... It has nothing to
do with you, it's a problem that they've
developed and it would take counseling to
overcome it. This is not to say he is
definetely a porn addict... Boys in
general love anything sex-related and
watching porn is just a part of being a
guy. It's only a problem when it disrupts
him from functioning day to day.
With all that said, this relationship does
not sound like a healthy one, but it's not
because of something you did. It's a
problem he has and only he can decide if
he wants to change it. You need to let
him know that he has to make an effort to
get some help for his problem because it's
creating even more unneccesary problems in
the relationship.
|
Morning_Glory
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 207 Location: NE Ohio
Posted: 03-17-06 00:29am
You deserve so much better than this guy.
His taking you around to his friends and
family doesn't nessecarily mean that he is
interested in a relationship with you. It
could mean that he wants to protray
himself as a nice guy around them so they
don't find out what he's really into or he
just wants them to think he's in a
relationship so no one will be asking him
about when's he going to settle down,
etc.
Whatever the reasons are, this guy sounds
like a player. He has no respect for
your feelings and you are not number one
in his life. So why waste another moment
or breath on this jerk?
|
abstract1234
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 4
Hope It Helps Just a Little Me Story. Posted: 04-02-06 04:32am
He admits it so hes not lying about it but
sounds like he doesnt have your best
interest at heart. If it hurts you a good
human being that loves you would not hurt
you. I am in the same situation only with
a 2 yr old daughter get out before you
have to break up a family. It is alot
harder trust me. I fyou are not special
enough for him to regard your feelings
that wont change and though you may be
young and attractive now what happens
later?
Furthermore, I would like to let you know
the porn was there bfore we got together
as an out to his ruined marriage. And I
didnt know about it. When comfroted he
lied about it and made it worse. When I
was pregnant he looked at all the time and
said he was afraid to touch me because of
the baby and I have never felt worse in my
life as to be carrying th ebaby of a
person who was looking at women who werent
pregnant with fantasy as opposed to
looking at me. Granted pregnany isnt
exactly hot but it is respectable. And
that wasnt. So if it bothers you, honey
it really doesnt stop. So get out while
you have little to no investment.
