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Admits He's a Porn Addict

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What do I do about his porn addiction?
January 20th, 2006
I have been seeing this guy for about a year.
A few months ago, I found out he was calling dating hotlines and signed up for dating sites... Such as passion.Com which seemed more like sexual hookups than real relationships. He apologized and says he doesn't do that anymore.

Last month, when he came over to stay the night, I went out to rent us a movie. Later on when he left, I realized he was looking at porn on my laptop. He denied it at first and said things like "i swear to god I didn't." later on, he apologized.

Yesterday, when he came over again, I had to leave for work. I come back and realized he was searching for porn to download on my laptop again. He said he got bored waiting for me. He said he cancelled the downloads before they finished. They were deleted so I dont know whether or not he viewed them already.

He admits he's a porn addict. He says what he does has nothing to do with how he feels about me. The first time I caught him, I told him I was hurt. Now i'm mad he did it a second time. He apologizes, but I dont know what to do anymore. Seems like he has no respect for me.

We only have sex about once a week. And when we do, it lasts for maybe 5 minutes, even less. He doesn't go down on me.

He suggests we rent a porn and watch it together and do everything they do, but after catching him with porn twice, and calling datelines... I've lost interest in sex with him. It makes me feel unwanted.

He has this collection of pictures of one of his female friends who I had suspected he was trying to hook up with. He even has a picture of her ass. What makes me sad is that he has no pictures of me at all. His myspace profile says single. He doesn't like to hold my hand in public because he isn't that kind of guy. All those things would normally lead me to believe i'm just a sex buddy, but the fact that he brings me around to his house to his family and friends, even during holidays, I feel as though he really is interested in me as in a relationship.

I caught him trying to download porn yesterday and now I am mad, on the verge of wanting to tell him I dont want to see him anymore.
But i'm afraid i'm making a mistake. Just because he enjoys porn and sex, that doesn't mean he doesn't love me and want to be with me?

Right now, we are not talking. He told me to call him when I wanted to talk to him.
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nightangel73
replied January 21st, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Re: Admits He's a Porn Addict
ilovelucy12345 wrote:
i have been seeing this guy for about a year.

A few months ago, I found out he was calling dating hotlines and signed up for dating sites... Such as passion.Com which seemed more like sexual hookups than real relationships. He apologized and says he doesn't do that anymore.


Last month, when he came over to stay the night, I went out to rent us a movie. Later on when he left, I realized he was looking at porn on my laptop. He denied it at first and said things like "i swear to god I didn't." later on, he apologized.


Yesterday, when he came over again, I had to leave for work. I come back and realized he was searching for porn to download on my laptop again. He said he got bored waiting for me. He said he cancelled the downloads before they finished. They were deleted so I dont know whether or not he viewed them already.


He admits he's a porn addict. He says what he does has nothing to do with how he feels about me. The first time I caught him, I told him I was hurt. Now i'm mad he did it a second time. He apologizes, but I dont know what to do anymore. Seems like he has no respect for me.


We only have sex about once a week. And when we do, it lasts for maybe 5 minutes, even less. He doesn't go down on me.


He suggests we rent a porn and watch it together and do everything they do, but after catching him with porn twice, and calling datelines... I've lost interest in sex with him. It makes me feel unwanted.


He has this collection of pictures of one of his female friends who I had suspected he was trying to hook up with. He even has a picture of her ass. What makes me sad is that he has no pictures of me at all. His myspace profile says single. He doesn't like to hold my hand in public because he isn't that kind of guy. All those things would normally lead me to believe i'm just a sex buddy, but the fact that he brings me around to his house to his family and friends, even during holidays, I feel as though he really is interested in me as in a relationship.


I caught him trying to download porn yesterday and now I am mad, on the verge of wanting to tell him I dont want to see him anymore.

But i'm afraid i'm making a mistake. Just because he enjoys porn and sex, that doesn't mean he doesn't love me and want to be with me?


Right now, we are no
t talking. He told me to call him when I wanted to talk to him.



i don't know what your intentions are with this man but if you ask me I wouldn't marry a man like that.
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teach486
replied January 21st, 2006
Experienced User
Porn can become a severe addiction, just like addiction to pot, smoking, coccaine, heroine, etc. Unless he is willing to receive help to overcome his addiction he will never change. And most likely in his mind he is doing nothing wrong, so his willingness to change is slim.

You will have to decide the outcome. Are you going to just deal with his addiction, accept it as part of who he is? Or, are you going to tell him how it makes you feel, and give him an ultimatum...Me or the porn?

Whichever you decide just prepare yourself for the consequences of your decision. I personally do not like porn myself. If I were in your shoes I would give the ultimatum, and if I caught him at it again I would follow through with it and leave. To me, the man in my life should respect me enough to be considerate of my feelings. If he loved me enough then he would do what was necessary to overcome the problem in order to save the relationship.
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ilovelucy12345
replied January 21st, 2006
I dont get why he needs porn and have sex with his hand.

He is a really good looking guy. He is a really smooth guy. He has had many partners in the past and can easily get anyone he wanted.

Girls, women, even gays always notice him and come up to him to try to hook up.

What I hate about him is the fact that he always portrays himself as this "good boy." he used to say he was disgusted at the fact that his brother had a duffle bag full of porn. He used to say "why do I need it when I got you" (that was the night before he downloaded porn at my house).

I think im just using this board to vent, which is a good thing.
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stefanie
replied March 14th, 2006
It's one thing to look at porn occasionally, it can even be erotic and add a nice spice to a love/sex life if you two look at it together.

However, I don't think he is just mearly addicted to porn, he sounds like a non commitment kind of guy who just wants sex and one nighters with whoever. What kind of bf dosen't want to hold hands in public, or be into his gf. I would consider telling him good bye!!!!

You can do much better love, he's not the kind of man you should waste your time on, if my bf was looking up porn all the time and not showing any interest in me, going on dating sites or lines, and especially having another girls ass as a pic, I would say good bye!!!! He's not worth it!

Take care and let us know how your doing about it
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ashlee_veronica
replied March 16th, 2006
Experienced User
I've been studing psychology and sexual health for almost 5 years now and i've read a lot about men who develop addictions to porn... It has nothing to do with you, it's a problem that they've developed and it would take counseling to overcome it. This is not to say he is definetely a porn addict... Boys in general love anything sex-related and watching porn is just a part of being a guy. It's only a problem when it disrupts him from functioning day to day.

With all that said, this relationship does not sound like a healthy one, but it's not because of something you did. It's a problem he has and only he can decide if he wants to change it. You need to let him know that he has to make an effort to get some help for his problem because it's creating even more unneccesary problems in the relationship.
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Morning_Glory
replied March 17th, 2006
Experienced User
You deserve so much better than this guy. His taking you around to his friends and family doesn't nessecarily mean that he is interested in a relationship with you. It could mean that he wants to protray himself as a nice guy around them so they don't find out what he's really into or he just wants them to think he's in a relationship so no one will be asking him about when's he going to settle down, etc.

Whatever the reasons are, this guy sounds like a player. He has no respect for your feelings and you are not number one in his life. So why waste another moment or breath on this jerk?
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abstract1234
replied April 2nd, 2006
Hope It Helps Just a Little Me Story.
He admits it so hes not lying about it but sounds like he doesnt have your best interest at heart. If it hurts you a good human being that loves you would not hurt you. I am in the same situation only with a 2 yr old daughter get out before you have to break up a family. It is alot harder trust me. I fyou are not special enough for him to regard your feelings that wont change and though you may be young and attractive now what happens later?
Furthermore, I would like to let you know the porn was there bfore we got together as an out to his ruined marriage. And I didnt know about it. When comfroted he lied about it and made it worse. When I was pregnant he looked at all the time and said he was afraid to touch me because of the baby and I have never felt worse in my life as to be carrying th ebaby of a person who was looking at women who werent pregnant with fantasy as opposed to looking at me. Granted pregnany isnt exactly hot but it is respectable. And that wasnt. So if it bothers you, honey it really doesnt stop. So get out while you have little to no investment.
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