Hi you are not weird or crazy I like my ed too in fact I love it. It gives me a lot of things so that is why I do it but it also tires me out. It is hard to be without your ed and it is hard to have one. I mean I wish I could be skinner and have a different life too that doesn't revolve around my bulimia.

Ummm how can you like having an ed? I dont understand. I was anorexic and it wasnt fun. I rather be fat and happy with myself than skinny and hate myself. Oh well, maybe its different when you are bulimic.

Maybe it is different with anorexia. I mean, I might've been exaggerating a little, I don't love love my ed or anything. But its like this thing that I have and in a weird way I feel like it gives me comfort and control but at the same time it takes away my control and life. Its like I hate myself when I don't throw up and I hate myself when I do throw up, but the hate is worse when I don't. I don't think i'm makeing anysense.

When my ed was at its worse I felt exactly the same. I wanted to hate myself, I wanted to be sad and I wanted to punish myself. This is because I felt I didnt deserve to be loved, or nice, or have friends. Ed gives a lot to me.... "power" lol, the ability to eat whatever.. But I miss more what its taken away. I dont have freedom in meals, I have to lie which I hate, my friends are so distant, and all the time and money I have wasted in supporting it. So much money, I swear, if I put ed money into a box, by the end of a month I would probably have over $200. Right now, I am liking ed........ These chips taste delicous!! I suck.

You are not crazy for liking your ed.I'm not really sure what it is called because i've never looking for a word to label it so maybe you can tell me what it would be called.I hardly eat or like if my parents say I have to eat and they are in the same room with me or something i'll eat and then go and throw it all up.I feel angry at myself when I eat alot which for me to eat alot is like as much a meal for someone would be but still alot for me.I just...I dunno what its called ya its scairy and i've made my own post on this but on depression...So i'm not exacly sure what you would call it but...I struggled with it about 6 or 7 months ago and then quit cause I wouldn't be able to sleep or have dreams where I would step on a scale and it would say 10 lbs.Or like I would attend my own funeral or be in a hospital.My parents don't know what I do and none of my friends do either.I cut myself and some of my close,close friends know about that but they don't know about me having an ed.When I see alot of food I feel like puking and its hard for me to eat alot.

-danielle

So, I want to try and help but I have a question. Have you been checked out by a doctor and told by a doctor or health care professional that you are bulimic?

I do believe you and believe that you have a problem, it is just that you said you did this over a summer and got where you wanted to be and then could stop it since you didn't have time at school to be sick and that you started gaining it back. And that you are trying to get back into it now.

If a doctor told you that this is bulimia, then I apologize I can only assume things based on what you told us. Please do not be offended.

I think that you are concerned with your weight and want to do something about it and that you have heard about throwing up and given it a try. Yes, this will be bulimia if you keep it up, the wonderful news is that you are in the very beginning stages of this and hopefully we can all talk you out of it before you get too far in.

If you are looking for a healthy way to get the same fast results and same good feelings that you have from this, then there are alternatives that I can give you if you are interested. I hope that everyone joins me in trying to tell this nice person how horrible this can be and that if she/he has a choice right now to try something else.

Yes you love the feelings that you are having right now with getting closer to the size you want, and people noticing a change and complimenting you on it and that you are still physically ok. It seems great, but what if we could tell you that if you keep this up, you will get really weak, have no energy, have mood swings, rot your teeth from the stomach acids coming back into your mouth as you puke, weaken your immune system so that you will get colds/sick easier and more often, you will lie to your family and friends and unless your friends are doing it too or will listen when you tell them the truth then you will lie to everyone and hurt them and end up having to talk on here because we are the only ones that understand and listen. Please stop while you can. There really are ways to get some of those same great feelings without doing this. Write if you want to know them....

No I haven't been checked out by a doctor. I did have a physical in the midst of all of that for softball, but when asked how I lost so much weight since my last visit I just said I was excercising more and not eating as much.

I guess if you want to tell me other ways to lose weight go ahead. Its worth a shot. Oh, and i'm not offended by any of this. I understand you're just trying to help.

I am sorry. I just sat here and wrote a really long posting for you but when I tried to submit it, I had been timed out of the system so I will rewrite it later. I would rather just email than getting timed out again.I will rewrite it all on here again soon but I am getting off of here for now and going to bed. Basically I can tell you how to exercise less than you were last summer and not have to puke and lose the weight anyway. If you don't want to exercise I will tell you about a prescription pill that I take under a doctors care where I lose at least 5/10 pounds a month without exercising and I eat what I want and do not purge or binge eat. Later.

I wrote for 45 min. Last night and lost it so I will try to stick to the basics today and if you have questions about any of it, I would be happy to keep writing.

You play softball, you will be a better player if you have arm strength and leg strength. You will get both by using an elliptical for 20 min. A day 3 or 4 times a week. For your leg strength you can also run a mile three times a week. Be careful with exercise, some girls become addicted to it just like with pills, throwing up or not eating at all.

You know that not eating and throwing up are not healthy but you like the results and the feelings of control. If you could lose the weight without puking but still feel the sense of control would you do it?

When you want to lose weight and you do, you get that satisfying feeling, no matter how you lose the weight. So, whether you puke or exercise you will be satisfied because you lost the weight. Obviously it is healthier to exercise. The thing is, you said you would stay up all night and do push-ups and sit-ups during your session last summer. If you were willing to do that, then 20 min. A day shouldn't be a problem. If you can find the time, you can even do 30 min. Or an hour a day. Get a friend to go with you and listen to an mp3 player or some music from somewhere because if you just think of the running or exercising while you are doing it, you will get tired and stop-you need motivation, so pick upbeat songs.

If you start working out more than an hour a day then you need to be careful because that could mean that you are addicted to it. It is not healthy or wise to stress your body out in any way and excessive exercise will hurt you.

The push ups and sit ups you were doing were just to pass the time. The puking is what made you lose the weight. Situps and pushups are "spot reducing exercises" and only work if you use them with cardio to help those muscles build or if you are already skinny and need to tone those muscles.

Do something or set a goal and when you accomplish it, you will get that satisfying feeling of accomplishment. Whether it is in exercise or going somewhere on vacation that you have always wanted to see or playing the best game of softball you have ever played.

With exercise you will run faster and hit harder. With puking you will have to quit softball for many reasons...You will be too weak to hit or to run. If your coach sees that you are not giving it your best you will be benched or not even make the team.

Ok so if you hate exercise and say that you can lose the weight faster your way, you are right, but deciding to this your way you are also deciding to give up almost everything else in your life. Well, I have been there to. I didn't care what I had to do or not do as long as I was skinny, well, there is still something else to try...

I now take a small tablet pill one time a day with a glass of water. I do not get hungry (appetite suppressant), I drink more water (the pill makes me thirsty) and water is excellent for your health, I lose at least 5 pounds a month, when I crave something I eat it, I don't have to exercise to lose that 5 pounds but I would lose more and have lost more during the months that I exercise and take this pill.

This pill works for me and for 5 of my friends/family members. I tried over the counter stuff from nutrition places and wal-mart and they didn't work. This is a prescription that I got from a doctor. So, the greatest thing is that I am under doctors care and am reaching my goals. Also, the fatter a person is when they first start taking this pill, the more weight they lose per month. Like I only had 20 extra pounds that I wanted to lose so it comes off slower, but if you are 30 or more pounds over weight you will lose 10-15 pounds a month. It really works and it works fast.

If it sounds like you won't lose the weight fast enough, think of it this way..

Depending on your starting weight/height/age and whether you exercise also or not, you could lose anywhere from 5 to 20 pounds in a month. If you take the pill and exercise and you lose the least amount possible you could still lose 15-20 pounds by may which is swim-suit season, dances/proms, and end of the school year parties!!! The greatest thing is that you will feel so successful because you did it the healthy way.

I do not sell the pill nor do I know how to get it without a prescription, but the name of it is phentermine. A doctor that specializes in nutrition is the one that gave it to me, my family doctor would not prescribe it. I went to the clinic, waited 10 min. (unlike the hours it takes with other types of doctors) they took my blood for tests, weighed me and gave me the miligrams I needed to lose what I wanted to lose. It was not one of those l a weightloss things or anything like that, it is an actual doctors office. You set your weight loss goal with your doctor and then each month you go back to weigh and their whole office celebrates your aceivements... Try these or other things before hurting your body please.

For anyone else reading this....I know that people already deep in there b or a do not have a choice, these suggestions are for "wallflower" because she has just begun the cycle of ed and I want her to do it a more healthy way and to get out of it now if she can! Good luck