i totaly agree my boyfriend and I go through the same things when we're not active. So we have to make time for eachother because every relatioship needs that closeness. When we're not active we don't feel as close and we are kinda snappy with eachother and that really sucks. So make sure to keep the closeness we try to as much as we can.

Why is sex important? Think about this: what distinguishes a plutonic (friendly) relationship from a romantic relationship? Sex is a way of expressing feelings and emotion and physical attraction in a way that can't be expressed otherwise. I think it's important because it's the most intimate way of connecting with someone you love. Obviously, these rules don't necessarily apply to "casual sex", but it applies when two people are in a committed, monogomous relationship. That's why therapists are so concerned with couples' sex lives. Honestly, if you and your husband/wife aren't sexually active, isn't there usually an underlying problem causing that? I guess that's my perspective. That doesn't mean you have to have sex every day, or even every week. As long as it's happening at a healthy level, there's nothing to worry about.... But sex is definitely an important part of a marriage.

I have to agree with what others have said. Sex is important in a closed relationship. Closed meaning it is just the two people, not bringing anyone else into the equation.

For many women sex is a way to express their feelings for their partner. It shows trust in that partner by allowing them to see the most intimate details. It is to bring the two closer in ways that are sacred, only shared between the two.

I recently remarried to a wonderful partner. We just today discussed our own sex life, because we are trying to get in sync with one another in that area to improve it. One of his complaints is that I do not seem to be as involved in it as he would like. To him this makes it seem as if I am doing it only for the act itself, and not to be a part of him emotionally. So, even for him sex is not just a mere act to, pardon the phrase, "get his nuts off." he sees it as a way to bring us closer together. These were basically his own words, even if I haven't quoted them exactly.

I realize now, by being with my new husband, that in all my other relationships sex was just the act. No true feelings involved. It was just the act to get each other off, nothing more. There were no great emotional connections like I have now with my new husband. I can see now this is because of the man, himself. The others treated it just as an act to get off, while my new husband views it as a way to emotionally bond us.

So, even when the actual act itself does not make us see fireworks, we would still like to consider it great sex, because of the emotional bonding that occurred in the process. I think that in long term relationship somehow people tend to lose that ability to bond emotionally, leaving sex as nothing more than the act to get off.

For many guys, if a guy gets "laid" on a beach by an unknown woman, many men applaud that. Others, find it obserd. It can be a questionable debate as to what it means to others. In my mind, it means more to people who want to be in a committed relationship, than the men and women who do it for physical and emotional satisfaction as they casually do it. As many stated, I too believe it is a way of bringing the couple together, and sharing their feelin with one another. It's just strange sex to some, can be "evil" or woman will only wait until they are married, and then to having it all the time when married. If you are a virgin, and do wait, is sex a lesser part of ur life? Or is it a larger part of ur life simply because it hasn't been performed much.
Also, in today's society it's odd to see how much of a factory sex will play in a marriage/relationship. Thanks all for replying

there's no way to really answer that question because it's different for everyone. People who wait for sex until marriage have their own individual reasons, and the reasons can vary quite a bit. Some people may have grown up being taught that sex is "bad" or "dirty," but then even after they're married, they may still think they're doing something "wrong," which could ruin their sexual desire. On the other hand, some of those people may know that sex is a good and natural part of marriage, and thus have a healthy sex life with no guilt. I could be wrong, but I don't think whether or not you have sex before marriage determines how big a part of your life it is later.

Keep in mind that although sex is an important part of a marriage, it's not the only thing and there are many other issues that are just as important. Sex alone cannot make a marriage work. If you have a great sex life but problems in other areas, the great sex will not save the marriage.

That is so true tasha. Great sex cannot save a marriage. My ex husband and I had usually had great sex. He would make sure to bring me to orgasm almost every single time before he finished. However, the relationship outside of sex was not so rosy.

Now with my new hubby I have only had a few orgasms. We have been together nearly a year. For some reason I just can't be pushed over that edge very often. Vaginal intercourse feels great, but I cannot climax from that alone. However, our relationship outside of sex is a very wonderful one. I would much rather have a lifetime of so-so sex with a great, wonderful man, than a lifetime of great, wonderful sex with a man who treats me poorly.

Funny how great sex doesn't keep a relationship together, but how for some poor sex can ruin one...Lol

I agree!

I don't really think it is. You see me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years going on 5 and we've been active for 2 years, and it really hasn't changed anything in our relationship. I mean we both work and come home real stressed and tired and some times we have sex, some times we don't, but we haven't ended our relationship because of it. If anything its made our relationship come closer.

To put it out there, I'm coming out of a Christian perspective in answering this question. I don't know where you are coming from or what your background is, but I thought I'd offer my point of view as well. I believe that sex is and always should be reserved for marriage, not because it's "dirty" or "wrong" but because it is a beautiful union between two people -- getting naked and having something intimate together that only that married couple shares, and with no one else. Faith reasons aside, I think there's something to that kind of commitment and seclusion in a society of excess, exposure, and gratuity.

I am 25, and my husband and I have been married a year. We waited until after marriage to have sex or any sexual relations. Having the perspective that it was something God created to be enjoyed made me anticipate sex even more, and it I cherish it as something only my husband and I will have together. I love sex. However, as someone else had mentioned, sex IS NOT the primary need of humans. Love is. Sex does not equal love, but it was meant to be the full expression of love in marriage - the ultimate giving yourself completely over to the other person. Obviously, sex often looks a lot different than this in our society and often doesn't have love involved at all. Which, personally, I think is a shame.

As a Christian I also believe that there is a spiritual, deeper-than-physical or emotional part of sex. It is an entanglement of souls -- even if you don't believe all that, there is still something deeper and more profound to sex (in all its forms, not just vaginal) than simply the physical act. There is of course the physical, hormonal side of things too. Certain hormones release when you have sex that create a bond with your partner.