My daughter is 16 years old as of sept. 2005 and she's 6 months pregnant. We both had an error in judgement. Her boyfriend is from an abused home and has been staying with us since she became pregnant. I think he is absolutely worthless. He doesn't have a job and can't keep one. He bumms cigarettes or money from her and everybody else. I try to be nice for the sake of my daughter because the more I gripe about him, the more she runs to him. She has said that she wouldn't be with him if she wasn't pregnant by him but yet I can't get her away from him. She thinks she needs him there. I have a bad feeling about this boy. His dad abused him and his mom and has a very violent temper. He (the boyfriend) has a violent temper also. When he gets mad at my daughter, he breaks stuff he and his family gave her. His mother gave her a jewelry box for christmas and he got mad at her one night and smashed it all to heck and through it in the trash can. He doesn't tell her he does this, we just find the stuff later. He will always make up an excuse of some kind and she will suck it up everytime. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. Everytime I try to kick him out, she just fights me that much more and threatens to leave and take my grandson away from me. Yes, it's a boy. Tonight she told me that if I didn't start being nice to him, that they would move out of state when she turned 18 years old. I don't want to lose my daughter! I just want to get rid of the riff raff! I want him out of my house!!!!!!! Please help!!!
Ok... I'm 17 and my dead beat good for nothing boyfriend lived with me and my mom for a yr and a half. He moved in when I was 15 and I wasn't even pregnant. He started with a bad temper also came from an abbusive home where his family could have given a !**@! less. I'm now 6 months pregnant and he's long gone. Yes at first he was really good with everything and had a job and all that paid my mom rent. Yet he couldnt keep his job and his temper made us fight all the time. He went from breaking stuff to trying to break me. He got really abusive and even hit me while I was in my 10th week. Thats when I opend my eyes and left him. Explain to your daughter if he dosent want to do something for himself... Then there is not much he can do for that baby.
your the mother I think you should make the ground rules as in if you stay here you have to work as well this guys needs couselling, you are being an awesome mother by showing you care and asking for help and I will never diss someone. Im 22, married with my second child even though I have an extreme temper I take it out like a civil person even though I come from the same background as your daughters boyfriend...
First off sit your daughter and her bf down and talk to them make rules that you seem are fair make sure you inform her bf that if he doesnt smarten up or if he dammages anymore property he will have to take responsibility forit call the cops not only has he dammaged property its domestic abuse. What if he decides he cant deal with the pressure of being a parent and hits ur daughter or grandson you need to stand up for your daughters safety (yes she will get mad at you) but you dont always get what you want in life.
What im writing right now is somethng my parents did yes I got pissy with them and told them I would never talk to them again but now me and my mother have the best relationship and I could never ask for more. If I was in your place this what I would do for rules
~make bf get a job and pay rent just even ask for 100$ (make him sign a leaseas well inculde a dammage liability so if he dammages anything he has to pay for it) he needs to grow up
~be strict with your daughter but dont stress her out too much no means no
~inforce rules you think are adequate
~dont play one against the other sit them down together and inform them or just to talk
~call the abuse home/group hom and see if you can get a cousellor or someone to come in once a week use all resources provided to you
~just remeber your an awesome mother and no matter what ur doing whats right for your child
if you need to talk pm me or send me an email I can help from personal expierence
My boyfriend was never physically abusive, per se, but he was very verbally abusive.
I met him in june 04; I was thirteen, in the eighth grade, and he was fifteen, in ninth. We started going out around my fourteenth birthday and I got pregnant august 2005. I turned fifteen in december.
The thing about some guys is that they can be abusive without making it seem that badly for you. Like when my boyfriend yelled at me and called me names, he was usually blaming me for something in the process. When I told him I was pregnant, he smashed the mirror in my room and told me that I had to find "some other idiot to support you and the !**@!."
as someone who has been the girlfriend who is taken advantage of, I think that you should sit down with your daughter and talk to her about all the reasons why she does not need her boyfriend around, endangering the health of her and her baby. But, you should still have her tell him that he is under obligation to pay child support, if that is the decision that you and your daughter have made.
I think it's wonderful that you love your daughter this much. :)