Hi, I am new to this, but the heart to try I have. I am 25 and my girlfriend is 34, we are ingaged. She is constantly acusing me of cheating on me and I cant handle the stress of this. I never cheated, and would never. I was cheated on by every girlfriend I had and it hurt me bad, I never forgot how it felt. I tryed to tell her this and I have made us a realy nice home together and prooved by this and helping her and sapporting her in every way healthy and good and it she still dosent stop after all this being proof. She constantly thinks I talk realy bad behind her back in another room and says she hears me talking on the phone to some girl, I havent even been on the phone any time she had sead this, I even printed out my phone records so I could proove it to her once and for all, told her to call the numbers and see who I called in the last 6 months. I dont even know or care wear the records are now but she never called a single number. I have called the crisis team several times, she has made me feel like killing myself even at the worst times. I hung in there with her when she was in mental health hospitals, talked to shrinks and councelers with her, set her up with the city I live in's best phyciatric doctor-one that actualy listens and dose a good job. She goes from having the moste loving look in her eye that is verry clearly unmistakable as sure true love and moments later she finds a hair nither of us can identify or her shampoo is lower than she left it,(she thinks its ither me or someone breaking in, no proof of a break in has been found yet and police have investagated numerous times,) its always some kind of illogical reason to fight endlessly it seems and nomater how logical I am or what proof I provide to comfort her and show her it is all in her head, it dosent do any good and she dosent even care anoff to take a look for her self-and ive provided conclusive proof moste detectives would be proud of. We live together still, been for about a year and a half, we have known each other closely for about 2 and a half years and been around each other and barely known it for countless years. She takes medication and I smoke a little marjuana 2 times a month on average and sit alone and chill out and toataly relax and when I do this I feel better and am more aible to handle the problems we have becuse I get new idias and when the buzz wears off after an hour I try the new idias, this "smoking" is no souloution its just used as a nearve calmer and I dont belive in much any thing but holistic remedies. She takes her medication daily but I tell her hounestly the only real soloution she has is to got to counceling and resolve her issues with the past. She had alot of verry bad things happen to her in her lifetime-i tell her life is what you make it, she has no answear. I figured out she had post traumatic stress disorder, from all the terreble things she has been thrue before me and when we broke up and I was away 7 times, and the doctors agreed she had it. Thusly-counceling would be an excelent and extreamly benificial thing-she makes verry little effort. She says and I can tell she means it, that she wants what we all want simply, a good home , a family/kids, the american dream simply, so do i. When I was alone I tryed to drink myself to death for fun becuse I was tierd of being alone manny times and consumed mass quantitys of alcoholic beverages for days strait and drank myself sober over and over again and eventualy fell asleep from lack of sleep, it was mostly the only time I could sleep and not have to bear the thot of being toataly alone in scilence all day every day. Now, the good part, I put everything I have into this realationship, everything I own, everything I can contribute and everything and anything I could to make her as happy as I could becuse I love her with all my heart, we are a rare kind of relationship, we think exactly the same and finish eachothers sentences so much it becomes kinda anoying, we do almoste everything at the same time-even get up at the same times for the same things without even saying or comunicating it in any way at all. How strangly ment to be or cursed can I possably be? Is this some kind of solmate in the strangest way or what? My heart says stay,(i usualy listen well to my heart,) but my brain says move to japan and get as far as possable. Lol, I am confused. I would like nothing more that to be happy with her as much as she dose with me. But nither of us know what to do, I am out of idias and she is like a broken record, same issues-different day. She cant controll herself and I cant take the yelling and fighting, I dont even bother with "make-up" sex any more becuse I feel like some kind of man-horror/fool for doing it becuse I know ultamitly from what we have tryed that she will do it again and again, even if she promises, I even feel abused at times.The police were called new years eve becuse we wer fighting so loud and neibours thot we wer gona hurt eachother realy bad the police sead. One of the cops gave me a phone number for a counceler fron a church I never been to, I called and the appointment is tomarow. Wear we are we cant get couples counceling unless we wer maried. I will be following up on this. But being kicked out of my own house on new years eve still has me pissed royaly over everything else that happened, a good freind took me in that night, we went on with the night , I tryed to have fun, we got so drunk we could see over 7 of eachother in front of ourselves. I remember breaking down so hard and crying so intensly I was begging for death, all I wanted was peace. I cryed harder than ever I had in my life, 5 other friends and 1 relitive was there and all came over at one time and hugged me and couldent say a thing, the next day I still felt the same and they all sead the same thing-they never saw a person cry so hard ever. This woman has givin me a reason to live and care about life again wear I dident at all. I gave up on my own without her saying a thing, bars, partys, half of my social life of the people I realy shouldent be around and alot more. I gave up my home and moved hear, my and her name is on the lease. Ive made an effort for a verry good life and am even getting off social security and seccessfuly starting my own buisnesses, 2 of them actualy. I am a kind, deacent person, verry inteligent and resoursfull. I got verry unique skills and tallents. I try hard to do the right things, I had a hard life. I am realy tierd mentaly and I just dont know anything or what I should do, got an idia, you could make a verry big difference in two peoples lives becuse I am listening and waiting. Thrue the heart do we see everything-truth , reality, hounesty and the light we all need.-thankx, michael & shelly