yes this is my first post. I'm sorry if its innappropriate in any way, if so let me know, delete it, whatever. I just really needed some opinions and perhaps advice, and this seemed like a good place to turn. If not, or if my situation is not even worth discussing, let me know. If i'm overreacting, let me know.
I'm almost 20, i'm a guy, and I think i've been in an emotionally abusive relationship. I broke it off just before the 1 year mark when I could no longer handle it. I don't know if I should go into any details, instead maybe I should say some general things and then maybe someone here can tell me whether this is worth discussing or whether you can help me.
This was pretty much my first intense love, I loved this girl for 3 years until she finally went out with me. For 4 months it was bliss, but then the problems started, and it got worst and worst. My girlfriend had a history of problems and abuse(her last boyfriend ended up in a mental institution), but she seemed so sweet, especially for the first 4 months when it seemed like all the cliche movie "the one true love" stuff came true. Then for the next 8 months my life was a living hell.
Again without getting into details, because I don't even know if you want to hear about this, but basically she argued with me almost every day for those 8 months, sometimes cursing me out and insulting me without any provocation for hours and hours. I've been lied to constantly, manipulated constantly, on a level so intense I didn't even notice until the last few months (or maybe I was blinded by love). She would hit me, throw things at me, insult me randomly, put me down constantly, criticize me, etc etc. I had several severe anxiety attacks. I couldn't sleep. I was walking on eggshells. By the end I spent almost every night crying, sometimes waking up thinking about all the things she did. I lost all my friends, almost lost my family, and I was becoming severely ill and extremely skinny from the stress and total lack of sleep. There would always be promises, promises to change, promises in blood, always "im going to change, I love you, your the one for me, i'm never going to hurt you again" and afterwords when I took her back it got worst and worst. Every time I tried to break it off she would come crying, saying she will injure or kill herself, sometimes calling me that she is holding her dad's gun to her head. She would tell me about her mental disorders, and that she needs me and just needs help. I would always come back, and sometimes the next day or even the next hour the abuse would continue. Even though she promised to get help, again by the next day she would give me a nasty tone and argue with me about it, saying "she's fine."
the real turning point (i mean there were many, but especially this one) was when I called her on christmas to wish her happy holidays. I did this remembering that exactly one year before I had surprisingly called her and talked to her, inviting her to my new years party, where I would eventually ask her out. I know you probably think i'm retarded, but to me it was a very nostalgic and even special day.
What happened? Without provocation she began screaming at me, calling me a retard, and insulting and cursing me out...For hours. She wouldn't let me hang up the phone or leave. She demanded for me to apologize, but when I asked for what, she didn't know and instead cursed me out some more. When I turned off my phone she called my house and scared the crap out of my mom, promising not to argue so she could talk to me, only to continue screaming at me.
I have broken up with her finally a few days later, and a few days before our one year anniversary. I've been keeping busy, doing everything I wanted, and mostly i'm doing good, but when I remember everytihng i've been through it makes me depressed...And angry. She still wants to be my friend...And I still want to be hers...But I don't know if I should. I know I don't trust her at all, and for sure I don't trust myself with her. I don't know whether to keep talking to her or give it some time. I'm on my winter break right now and have a while before I go back to college.
If anyone has any comments please respond, even if its sending a more helpful link or appropriate forum. Sometimes I just have a hard time dealing with this, and I don't know if what i'm feeling is bs, and I should just toughen up and forget about it. But I am pretty sensitive, well originally not at all, I was never depressed and never upset about anything before I went out with her. I was a really happy and confident individual. Now I see some crap on tv, i'm freaking crying, or angry, or who the hell knows what.
Again thanks for any advice or help. If anyone wants more details that could possibly help, or where I can find a more appropriate place, let me know. Sometimes I really want to share this with someone, I really need someone to talk to sometimes, because i've been keeping this all in for a year.
Again I know probably many of you have been through worst. I know that my situation doesn't compare to someone getting raped, or perhaps beaten, and i'm so sorry if this offends you in any way. I'm just reaching out for help, and don't mind giving it in return.
What can I tell you other than the obvious, which I hope proves helpful.
Yes, you were in over your head. If this person does not committ to helping
herself, there is nothing the love of others - even her own family's - can do for her.
This is the kind of troubled person you may have observed from a distance in the past. Now you have the priviledged in-the-trenches perspective (and experience) in dealing with the bizarre workings of a disturbed mind.
You might still be reeling - i.E. In recovery - from the ordeal. Don't let her soft-peddle recent history. You must keep the memories of her insanities, her craziness, and all that jazz fresh in your mind. Has she been to therapy ? Is she committed to the hard work of overcoming her serious issues ? Yes and yes ? Wonderful. Congratulate her, wish her well, and maintain a healthy (observational) distance.
If she has not sought help and just wants to buddy-up with you - to gloss over and try to possibly forget the nastiness - don't let her ! You will be contributing to the harm she is committing against herself.
Good for you that you are speaking out about your experiences with this woman. It takes a lot of courage to go there. You say you don't trust her ...She has given you no reason to encourage your trust. It sounds as if she has a lot of problems (possibly undiagnosed mental health issues) and you would be smart to not continue a relationship with her. Her manipulative behaviour, not to mention her verbal, mental, psychological and physical abuse is not ok! There are many wonderful and nurturing women out there. Cut your losses, consider going for counselling to heal from the abuse and move forward with your life. Good luck!!
Be grateful that you got out while you still could. This girl sounds like a female clinical sociopath/pyscopath. Look up under google.Com for the traits of sociopaths. It list everything that discribes the girl you dated. Feel lucky because most people fall in love and marry sociopaths w/out realizing what they got into and yes, they will mentally damage your head and make you question your sanity. Please read site about it and the success stories and then count your blessings. Good luck and I know you'll find a great girl to be with. Just don't let this experience stop you from doing that.